I know I haven't been the greatest friend, esp since I've become a Mom. People call me and it takes me days (maybe even weeks) to call them back. Some send me emails and it takes me just as long, if not longer, to respond. I am pretty much a shitty friend. Text me though and you get a reply real quick! (don't know why that is)
I remember a time back in college when 2 good friends of mine approached me (mind you, they were pretty drunk) and pretty much yelled at me for being late AGAIN. They said that I was super selfish & how inconsiderate I was and how I don't think other people's time is as important as mine. I don't know why that has been in my mind a lot lately. I think because subconsciously, I know this is true. I am selfish and I really need to work on that. How do you undo years of selfishness?
When it comes to my kids and my husband, I don't think I'm selfish at all. But when it comes to everything else (like friendships), then I guess people would consider me pretty selfish. In my defense, however, I lived a life when I put everyone else above me first. I got to a point when I decided NO MORE. I think that was back in 2001 when I decided to transfer to Cal Poly to finish out my degree. I left my family, my friends, all the people I had ever known...to come to a place where I can have a fresh start. That was probably the most difficult decision I have ever made and probably the best one at that.
I guess my point is that I just want to strive to be a better person...a better friend especially. Now that I'm finding old friends on Facebook & Myspace, it's made me realize how sad I am that I let those friendships go, how I didn't try hard enough to keep them. I had a bestfriend from 5th grade on up whom I loved dearly and we've reconnected since HS and it just feels so good having her back in my life. I am longing to find a connection with another girl like I did with her. My bestest friends now are both men (my hubby and my buddy Paul) but it's just not the same. I can't talk my girlie talk without them always trying to find a solution to my problems (typical guys). I have my sisters too and they are freaking awesome but they're not here and I wish so badly that they lived closer. I need someone who can just sit there and listen to me vent without having to criticize or offer any answers. Then make me brownies to cheer me up. LOL. I want someone who I can call up and just be able to go and do whatever and do everything with. I hate having some of my closest friends live so far away. I'm just missing them right now. :(
(my bestfriend of 15 years, Paul)
(my good friend Jennster --- I was 8 mos preggers with Isabella!)
(my attached-at-the-hip drinking buddy Laura)
(my rock star friend Carla)
(my dearest Dawnee)Thought I should add that I do currently have some great girlfriends. I am just not feeling all that close to them right now. :( I guess that's my cue. I should really work on fixing that!
5 comments:
it's so hard when we're far apart and have such busy lives. it's hard to make time for the friendships we care so much about. i still do, and always will, consider you one of my closest friends. even though i haven't seen you in ages. i know it sucks. i miss you too, but how much do we both suck when even a phone call becomes difficult?!? i know it's not just US though- i mean, all of my close gf's and i have to really work at finding time to talk. it's these damn kids of ours. LOL..
i want to come down there. i want to come see you. i cannot believe i haven't even MET isabella. and for that alone, i feel like a shitty ass friend. but i hope you know that i love and think about you all the time. i know i have to get down there to see you, and it is on my radar and i WILL make it happen. soon. i love you and i am always a phone call away. i will make time for you. :)
ps- i totally know what you feel though. i mean, all my best friends live far away. i have friends here, but they aren't the same. i don't feel like i have anyone that i could call and be like, "let's go see this movie!" and they'd jump at it, you know?! i have met some really great and wonderful chicks here, but it's just not the same. i don'nt know why, but it isn't. and hell, loree even LIVES up here now and i NEVER see her.
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I know we both have such busy lives and currently we are going in two different directions, but you are one of my dearest friends and I love you very much. So lets make a deal, lets BOTH make more of an effort to spend time together!! We can BOTH put the effort in, BOTH make the phone calls or send the texts, and BOTH return them!!! I miss you and the time we used to get to spend together just about every week so lets make a promise to each other to BOTH put in the effort so we can be the close friends we want to be! Love you!!
Oh Jennster, I miss you so much! I miss being able to hang out and go out to fabulous places with you. I miss Saddleranch, don't you?! I think the last time I was there was with you. That was ages ago!
I think I'm just having a hard time with "growing up". It was so much easier before kids, that's for sure. I too consider you one of my closest and dearest friends. I'm well aware of the fact that life gets in the way and I KNOW that you & I always are able to pick up where we left off. I love that about our friendship.
But like you said, I have some awesome friends here as well but it just isn't the same. A good friend pointed out to me the other day that we're in a different stage in life now, we have different priorities, we have our husbands to depend on now and our schedules revolve around our kids. So friendships are still important, but it's not going to be the same as when we were single. It totally made sense but I can't help but still yearn for that person I can just call up anytime and just go do whatever with. It was so nice that a friend of mine did that the other day. That's exactly what I needed!
And no, you're not a shitty friend! I know shitty, and you're not it!
We should definitely plan to get together soon. Even if that means you stopping by for an hr like last time. I am sure the boys won't mind another delivery of Star Wars goodies. LOL.
You know I love you and I will call you soon!!!
PS
What the hell is up with Loree? Why do you not see her????
Corinne, we already talked on the phone so you know I love you! I know that you have been so exhausted from working your 2 jobs so I was just trying to give you a break. I miss spending time with you once a week too so yes, we both have to promise to start doing that again. We only see each other twice a month now I think...so sad!!!! I'm gonna go text you right now. Love you!
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