Daddy's little girl...

4 days later and I'm still waiting for Connor to "freak" out. But no, he's been absolutely wonderful. He always says "Hi Isabella" and wants to kiss her and be close to her all the time. It's just wonderful to see him be such a great big brother!!! My hubby is staying home for a month so I am so thankful to have him around. He has been such an emotional mess since Isabella was born. There must be something about having a little girl...Daddy's little girl. It's so wonderful to have our family be complete. These past 4 days have been sooooooooooooo great. I am so happy!!! :)

Welcome to the world Isabella!

Happy Birthday Isabella!

My Birth Story

Around 1:30 am on the morning of Sept 8th (which is a REAL strange coincidence, since this is exactly the same time labor began when I was pregnant with Connor), I felt the need to poo. I had been pooping more than usual for 3 days in a row, so I had a feeling labor was gonna start any day now. Anyhow, I go to the bathroom and right after I'm done, I just felt really anxious. My hands felt really clammy and it felt like there was a chill going through my whole body. I drank 2 full glasses of water and started having contractions. I just felt like I was freezing cold and really anxious. My heart was beating super fast and I started feeling nervous. I called Jeramy at work at around 1:45 AM and told him what was going on. I didn't want to go to the hospital quite yet because I was just so unsure about what was going on...even though I had that feeling. I just KNEW it was time. So I told him I'd call him back. I started timing the contractions and they were like 10 mins apart. I was a little bit hesitant though since I wasn't experiencing any REAL pain yet. About 20 mins later, I called him back at work and told him I think it's time. He had already called his parents (who live right down the street) and they were just waiting for my phone call. The doctor told me to just go into the hospital, considering my history of a quick labor...better safe than sorry. I was really nervous about the whole thing and even then, that whole epidural idea was starting to look really good (even though it wasn't in my birth plan). Isabella was moving like crazy in my tummy too so that's why I was just thinking I was just feeling uncomfortable. But then again, my stomach kept tightening up for longer periods of time which wasn't normal, so I guess it was time!

J's parents came over and his dad brought me to the hospital while his mom stayed with Connor at the house. I think J's dad was more nervous than I was! We got to the hospital at around 2:30 and got into a room right away. At that point, I wasn't feeling clammy or nervous anymore. J's dad to go pick J up from work (since he had carpooled) so I just sat there thinking "PLEASE GOD, don't let this baby come anytime soon". Well, I think God was listening intently at that time since Isabella took her sweet a$$ time! LOL!

By the time J got there, my contractions were 5 mins apart and I was still 4 cm dilated. I had gone to the doc a few days ago and was measured at 4 cm, 80% effaced so in the back of my mind, I was gonna go from 5 cm to 10 cm in no time, just like I did with Connor. Boy was I wrong!!!

Dr. Yin was going out of town that day so she stopped in at 6:40 am to see how I was progressing. She offered to break my water to speed up the process but I refused. I figured it had only been 5 hrs so no big deal. I'll probably be pushing in another hr, right? WRONG! I’m kinda bummed Dr. Yin didn’t deliver my baby, but then again, oh well. Around 8 am, I was finally 5 cm dilated. By that time, I was already over the whole waiting process. My contractions subsided and were sporatic by that time. They went from 5 mins apart to 3 mins apart then 8 mins apart, then all over the place. That’s when I thought…”Could this be false labor?”

The nurse came at 11 am to ask if I wanted to have my water broken by Dr. Storrer (the doc on-call). I refused. I just thought that my body would progress naturally by itself, but by noon I was so tired of waiting already (yes, I have no patience) so I told them that we’d go ahead and rupture my membranes. Dr. Storrer came in at 1 pm and broke my water with this long “knitting” needle. (It’ll be awhile before I start knitting again, that’s for sure! LOL!). It was the yuckiest feeling ever. This huge gush of water came and it just felt like I kept peeing my pants for like 2 hrs. YUCK. At 3 pm, I was 6 cm dilated.

Around 5 pm, the nurses checked me again and I was 7 cm dilated. WOO HOO! I walked around some to try to progress my labor and the contractions were coming on strong by then. I was still able to deal with the pain so it wasn’t a big deal, but I just kept thinking “What if I stay at 7 cm for several hours then 8 cm for a few more hours? I wouldn’t be able to handle that!” They had offered to give me pitocin earlier that day and I refused. I have just heard WAYYYYY to many horror stories about it, so no way. They had offered me an epidural at 5 pm and I refused then, but by 6 pm, the contractions were just getting stronger and stronger so I finally gave in and asked for one.

The anesthiologist Dr. Sherman was one funny guy. He was like, “It took you to get to 7 cm to figure out you wanted an epidural? Sheez. Don’t worry, this is gonna be the best ride of your life. You’re gonna wanna have more babies after this.” HAHAHHA! Other than the epidural shot (which was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to endure, plus the fact that I was getting contractions at the same time…”Don’t move” they said, I wanted to punch them), the whole epidural idea was a GREAT one. I was squeezing J’s hands soooooooo hard, I almost broke them! I was crying so hard by then. I was thinking what a mistake! But when the drugs finally kicked in…HOLY MOLY! I was in heaven. I can’t believe I waited that long for an epidural! I felt like I was in LA LA land. So for the next 2 hours, I just laid there as happy go lucky as can be. Actually, I was pretty happy and smiley all throughout the whole day, so I must admit I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

Anyways, I started feeling some pressure in my butt area right after they gave me the epidural. I couldn’t feel a damn thing anywhere in my lower half though. My legs, my butt, my waist area were all numb. They kept asking me to move (which was kinda dumb on their part, don’t you think?!?) and I thought I was but I barely moved. I did alright though considering. Makes me real thankful for having a normal, healthy body. I can’t imagine what it would really be like to be paralyzed! The nurse checked me at 9 pm to put an internal monitor in and that’s when she realized the baby was already at a +3 station. She kinda gave me a freakish look and said “OMG! The baby’s coming!” Next thing I know, Dr. Storrer came in along with 2 other nurses and they told me to start pushing. They had a hard time telling me WHEN to push since my contractions were coming in waves at 1 min apart. I pushed once (or what I thought was pushing, I couldn’t feel a darn thing!) and Isabella’s head came out. I didn’t realize what was going on until Jeramy started crying and everyone started yelling “SLOW DOWN! She’s already out!” Dr. Storrer didn’t think the delivery part was gonna be that fast, she hadn’t even put on her gown yet and gotten their medical table out yet. After they got everything laid out, they told me to push again and Isabella was completely out.
The doc laid her out on my belly and she just looked amazingly beautiful. She had vernix all over her face and body, and we were all gooey from touching her…but she just looked perfect. Just perfect. Anyways, I thank God for having such a beautiful, normal healthy little girl. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. We are so happy to have her here. Our family is now complete!

Potty time!

Gosh, it's been a long while since I've written anything in here. How sad! There's just more important things to do these days. haha! Anyways, our little boy is growing up! Today he went wee wee on the potty for the 1st time!!! He actually initiated the whole thing himself. We were getting his bath ready when he reached down and grabbed his pants. Then he says, "Momma, Connor needs to go potty." I didn't think anything of it since sometimes he says that just for fun. So I take his pants off and seat him down on the potty. I'm sitting there next to him making the "ssshhhhh ssshhh" sound to encourage him to pee. Next thing I know, his little potty machine starts singing "Yay! You went potty..." He then asks me for toilet paper so I hand it to him, he wipes, then stands up. I look down and there it is...PEEEEEE!!! Yay! I was so incredibly happy, I couldn't contain myself. You have no idea how long ago we introduced this whole potty thing to him and he has had no interest whatsoever. I mean, he'll play pretend and play with his little potty machine but has never really taken it seriously enough. We don't push him or anything since it's really up to him. So yeah, after he wipes, he pushes down the little flush thing and I just kissed and hugged him for like 5 mins. I was so stoked. So I take the little potty cup out and pour down the pee in the toilet and flushed it down the toilet. After I washed the little potty cup, I took his little hand and ran to the kitchen with him. "You get a popsicle for being such a big boy. You went potty!!!" He was sooooooo happy. I can tell he was just feeling so proud. I had to call Jeramy ofcourse and that made Connor even happier to hear how excited I was to tell Daddy. Anyways, I am soooooooooo happy that this has happened (can't you tell?). I have been reading books about potty training to him for months now and he got the whole notion, but it was just so nice to see everything being implemented in real life. What a big boy! To top it all off, after our bedtime routine (play music, read books, kisses and hugs, tucking in, etc)...I was on my way to leaving the room and as I was saying "Nite nite Connor, I love you...I'll see ya tomorrow". He proceeds to tell me that I need to put his baby gate up so I can't come in to wake him up. Can you freaking believe it? We've been leaving the gate down because he's been waking up in the middle of the night every night for the past few weeks. I really think he knows that the baby is coming really soon since he's been acting up lately and become really clingy again. But then again, he's acting like such a big boy too...like he says "I'm a big brother!". Gosh, I am so proud of him. I can't even explain in words how good it feels to have such a wonderful loving boy...

What's going on with...

So I technically had my appt yesterday but they cancelled it when I got there, because the doc was delivering a baby at the hospital. No biggie, except it would have been nice to know beforehand before wasting gas. Oh well. Anyways, I saw the doc today and apparently I've dilated even more. I am now 4-5 cm dilated, still 80% effaced and the baby is at -2 station. She keeps saying how surprised she is that I haven't delivered my baby yet. Well, I think that Isabella's pretty smart for not wanting to come out. It's warm and cozy in there! LOL! I have been feeling contractions here and there, some are pretty scary considering I have been feeling some back pain with some of them...but nothing regular. I have been pooin' a lot more than usual too so I think the baby's just pushing on my intestines and it's just getting really cramped in there. I just hope that once I do go into labor, that Jeramy is home. I'd rather have him take me to the hospital than anyone else. My inlaws and all my friends have been kind enough to offer to drive me to the hospital, if need be, but there's something about the idea of my own husband just being there in my time of need. I just wonder when it's all gonna happen? I wonder if it's gonna be in the middle of the night like Connor or during the day while I'm out and about? I can't believe I'll be having this baby in less than 2 weeks. NUTS! I am so excited though. I can't wait to meet little Isabella. I am contemplating whether or not to call her Izzie or Bella, since Connor keeps calling her Bella. I don't know why this is even a big deal but I think it's important that we take Connor's "opinion" into consideration. I love how he talks to my belly and gives it hugs and kisses. It's not too often that Jeramy has touched my belly or talked to Isabella, which kind of makes me sad but oh well...what can I do? I can't force him. I think there's just something about it not being "real" to him until the baby is actually here. It kinda makes me sad too that he hasn't really taken the time to videotape or take pics of my belly, so I had to hire a professional to do it. But then again, it's like pulling teeth with that man to get him to take ANY pictures anyway. I had my maternity session last Friday and it went great! I hired my friend's sister in law and it was her 1st time taking photos of a pregnant chick, so we were both new at it. She usually takes wedding photographs and I like her style, so I was all about being the guinea pig for her. The session lasted 3 1/2 hrs. We were supposed to go to Montana de Oro beach in Los Osos but it was too foggy so we ended up driving around to find cool places to get photos done. We went to this placed called La Familia Ranch and then out to Avila Beach (which there was a Shark Watch warning for the day). I think the photos will turn out pretty good!! She's sending over the CD with all the pics in a few days. I'm pretty excited. I felt like a STAR for a day. LOL!

Weight gain journal...

Month 1: 147 lbs
Month 2: 150
Month 3: 154
Month 4: 157
Month 5: 161
Month 6 appt: 167
Month 7 appt: 172
July 25: 178
August 7: 184
September 1: 188

Update on my Pregnancy

So I had my 37 week appt yesterday morning and had my 1st internal exam since the very beginning of the pregnancy. Apparently, I'm already 3-4 cm dilated and 80% effaced so I can technically go any day now. I was 4-5 cm dilated and 80% effaced for 3 weeks when I was pregnant with Connor and technically, I delivered 2 weeks early. Only because at my last ultrasound last time, I had my EDD changed from July 6th to June 26th (he was born on the 22nd) & when he was born, the pediatrician says according to his "Ballard age" that he was a week late (really long nails, dry skin, no blood or lanugo on him when born --- really "clean", really hairy, etc).

But anyways, my OB says that on average that the 2nd baby is born faster. She wants to induce me on Sept 14th because she doesn't want me to risk having the baby in the car. LOL! She keeps joking about how I don't wanna make front page news! My labor & delivery was a total of 3 hrs with Connor, only an 1 1/2 hr of it was at the hospital. I went from 5 cm at 3:00 am when we checked in at the hospital and went to 10 cm at 4 am... and I delivered at 4:42 am. So I'm scared that I might not make it in time!

I guess my point is this: I am hoping to have a 100% natural birth again (vaginal, no drugs, no induction, etc) but if induction means not risking having the baby in the car or at home, then should I go for it? I mean, I COULD have this baby any day now but is inducing really the right answer IF I don't give birth by the 14th? I don't know what to think considering I'm really against inducing in the first place. I am just getting paranoid now thta I might not make it in time to the hospital. And to think, the doc might just wanna induce to make sure she's getting paid. UGH!

I carry your heart...

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

4D Ultrasound...so cool!

Went to Central Coast 4D Ultrasound today to get a 4D done. It was really cool. Jeramy was really skeptical about seeing "4D" but he seemed to enjoy it as well. Too bad little Isabella didn't really cooperate. It would have been really cool to see her face or even her side profile. But the little stinker had both of her arms crossed in front of her face, so all we could really see was her nose and mouth. We could tell she has J's nose and my lips though...just like Connor. The ultrasound lady says she has big feet too...so does Connor! I'm really bummed we didn't get to see her facial features though. After looking at all the advertisements and stuff, I was really hoping I could compare the 4D to her real face when she's born just to see how similar it is. Just our luck huh!? Oh well, at least it was free! :)

I wonder if they're gonna look alike? That would be so weird if she came out with my features and J's coloring. But either way, she's gonna be so damn cute just like Connor is. Connor's so excited (well as excited as a toddler's gonna be) about being a big brother. I've been reading big brother books to him and always talking to him about how he's gonna be such a great big brother. I wonder if he even really gets it? It's really endearing though when he comes up to my belly and kisses my belly button. He talks to little Isabella and says "Hi sis" or "Hi Bella". I just love it.

Visiting Jennster...

On Saturday, we went over to Novato and visited Jennster and her boyfriend. Loree was there visiting from Simi so it awesome to see her too! We went out to dinner and just played cards, watched a movie and hung out for the rest of the night. It's been awhile since I've hung out with both girls...brings back a lot of memories.

It was great seeing my Jennster so happy with Chris. It's crazy that the last time I saw Chris was the 1st time I met him...Jenn's 30th bday party. And even then, I KNEW they were meant to be together. To think, they're getting married next year! I LOVE IT!

As for Loree dearest...she still looks great! I have my own personal opinions about the guy she's dating (since ummm, yeah she's dating Chris' best friend). So I'll keep my mouth shut...

J and I had so much fun visiting. I was sad to leave, knowing I won't be seeing them for a long time. I just wish we all lived closer. I mean, we're lucky enough that we can drive a few hrs to see each other but still, it sucks.

J & I went to San Francisco for our last rendezvous before the baby comes. We stayed at the same hotel we stayed at the last time we were here (when we 1st dated). It was SUITE...as in yes, we stayed in a suite! They upgraded us for free. We have no idea why, but whatever, we were stoked! We got into SF pretty late after leaving Paul & Marisa's wedding reception. After checking in, we walked around looking for a place to eat. We ended up at a place called "Hana Zen". It was a pretty good sushi place. The prices were very comparable to the Central Coast and it was a pretty cool setting. We were pretty tired so we went to bed early since we had a long day ahead of us!

Shopping on Saturday & walking around downtown was so much fun! I found my new favorite store "H&M". The prices are freaking incredibly cheap and the styles were so me...except there weren't that many clothes I could fit in with this big fat belly. So I have to go back when I'm back to my sexy self! We met up with my Tita and Tito and had lunch with them at Wolfgang Puck's. It was cool seeing them again. It's been awhile.

So yeah, if you're wondering who that guy is in the pic...it's my boyfriend. Sssshhhh...j/k. He's some Abercrombie Fitch model standing in front of the store and J made me take a photo with him. LOL! I don't even think he's that hot...well his body is, not so much the face. ha!

Leaving San Francisco makes me sad. There's just so many things to do, places to see, and so much shopping to be done! J & I were talking about how cool it would be to live there if it is was just him and me. It's not really a place you could raise a family in, but damn, if we were back in our partying days...it'd be fun to live there for a year or something!

Paul's Wedding

We can't believe Paul actually got married. Just 2 Christmases ago, he was depressed over not having anyone special in his life and that his relationships were all a failure. Now look at how happy he is!

Jeramy and I drove to Livermore to go to their wedding reception. It was really nice and relaxing. They had this amazing ambrosia salad there...I could have eaten the whole thing! I really need to find the recipe for that. (Note to self)

Paul's wife is really pretty and VERY smart. We asked her what she did for work and this is how the conversation went:

j & i: "So what do you do for work?"
her: "I'm a microbiologist. I do research for the government."
j & i: "So like what kind of research?"
her: "Well it's top secret stuff...I really can't say...but it's mostly infectious diseases and bacteria"
j: "Wow honey, she's smarter than you!"
paul: "hahaha"
me: "Wow, she's smart honey. I don't know what we can talk about now..."
paul: "hahahaha"
j & i: "Ummmm so yeah...Hmmmm"
me: "Oh wait, I know...is the whole Avian bird flu for real?" (I'm totally thinking I am sooooo smart for even coming up with THIS question...HA!)
her: "Oh gosh, it's been around for decades. It's only a big deal now because the media just got a hold of it."
j: "So yeah, we don't really know what to talk to you about so next time we see you, we promise we would have done our research and we'll have something cool to bring up."
her: "Ummm...ok"

I don't think she thought we were funny, but Paul seemed to think it was all funny because he just sat there and laughed the whole time. I just don't know how to talk to smart people these days. My mommy brain allows me to know my ABC's, 123's, sing nursery rhymes, and just make sure I put my damn shoes on before leaving the house! LOL!

Well, we had a good time hanging out with the newlyweds. Paul's sister interviewed us and videotaped it, asking what advice we had for the couple. J & I just laughed and said:

j: "Just nod and say 'UH HUH' and pretend you're really listening."
me: "Remember the woman is ALWAYS right"

HA! 

Happy Independence Day!

J had to work today so Connor & I celebrated the 4th of July with his Godmother, Corinne. We went to the parade in Templeton in the morning and he seemed to really enjoy it. It was just way TOO hot and I was extremely hungry so we went inside Joe's Place and ate breakfast...therefore missing the rest of the parade (though we watched most of it through the windows). My super hyperactive boy desperately needed a nap after the parade ('cause silly guy decided to wake up extra early this morning!) but we went shopping at Target instead. Ofcourse that didn't help matters much because it only made him MORE hyper = really tired. Anyways, we went home and we both took a nap and spent some time with Daddy when we woke up, before he headed off to work. Connor and I then went to Corndog's fiance's house and BBQ'd with some friends. Then we headed over to Templeton Park and saw an array of fireworks shows & set off our own fireworks, which ofcourse was led by a team of "men", ahem boys (funny how grown up men become such little boys around fireworks). Connor had a blast!!! It was really loud and smokey, but we really enjoyed it. There's just something about fireworks that really gets you pumped up. Poor little Isabella in my belly was probably wondering what the heck was going on outside her safe haven. Well, we had a long and eventful day. So glad it's over though. I am pooped!

Happy Birthday Connor!

I can't believe my little boy is now 2 years old. It seems only like yesterday that he was born into this world! Connor has been such a wonderful blessing in our lives. He is such an intelligent, friendly, caring, just amazing little boy. It's funny how we can see how he's developed different aspects of our personalities. I am glad he has more of Daddy's than mine. LOL! He definitely has my temper though...as is it is becoming more prominent now that he is 2.

We had two birthday parties for him. One on his actual birthday and another one during the weekend after for all the friends & family to celebrate with us. He had a wonderful time, even though it proved to be more stressful for me. I doubt we're gonna have another big bday party until HE can decide who to invite. It's just too much of a hassle really...even though I LOVE planning parties. It's just hard to actually carry out when you're preggers.

Connor got a lot of cool (and not so cool) toys. A lot of it's going into storage for future use. He just has wayyyyyy too many toys in the house and in the backyard already. Maybe our little baby girl will make use of it someday? Well I just wanted to commemorate my little boy's special day!!!

27 weeks and counting...

• Had another appt with the nurse practitioner (Lori Melson) today. Nothing special happened, just another 10 min appt. Weighed in at 167 lbs. Gained a total of 20 lbs...so far so good! I am keeping "on track" with the whole weight gain thing. I just need to maintain it this last trimester, considering my past history of gaining 27 lbs the last 3 months while pregnant with Connor (YIKES!). I had a pelvic exam done because I've been feeling a lot of pressure down there. The NP says it's way too early to be feeling pressure down there considering the baby's too small still. Everything looked fine and seemed normal. The baby is doing great and is quite an active little one. I mean...seriously REALLY active, a lot more than Connor ever was. She's been having hiccups for awhile now and is totally annoying but feels special at the same time.
  
  Some pregnancy "symptoms" I'm experiencing are:
  
  - some heartburn, only after I drink soda (which I normally don't drink when not pregnant by the way) and/or eat fast food (which I normally don't eat when not pregnant either).
  
  - I've had a total LOVE for fast food, cheesburgers and french fries. YUM! So not good for my healthy diet, but I can't help eat. I still crave ice cream like usual, but don't give in each time. This is really weird for me considering I've never had much self-control when it comes to ice cream before!!! LOL!
  
  - Swollen feet. Maybe it's because it's hot like a mofo outside these days but anytime I'm on my feet longer than 20 mins, it seems my feet swell up like crazy. I didn't experience swollen feet at all until I was 8 mos pregnant with Connor.
  
  - Acne is not as bad as I experienced it with Connor. The 1st trimester was pretty bad this time around but my skin is looking perdy good for being this far along. It did get worse when I breastfed last time and I am really hoping it doesn't happen again this time. I looked so ugly with all that acne!!!
  
  - Sciatica isn't that bad this time around either. It comes and goes, worsens when I walk too much (TOO much is like a mile or so). Sometimes it just hits for no apparent reason either, which just makes the day much longer when you're running around a toddler!
  
  - I am constantly tired. I feel like I have absolutely no energy some days. I do try to nap when Connor naps during the day though, so that helps me feel somewhat more energized for the rest of the day. I want to nap at all times during the day but can't sleep at night. Which leads me to...
  
  - Really bad insomnia. Some nights I can't sleep until 3 am and I wake up when Connor wakes up at 6:30 or 7 (GETTING UP is a whole another issue though). Jeramy has been sooooooooooo good to me and letting me sleep in while he takes care of Connor. I love him so much for that.
  
  - Leg cramps. Damn these leg cramps. Only had a few really bad ones so far (one woke me up and I seriously wanted to kill something...thank goodness my loving hubby helped massage my leg!). I had some days where my legs just feel DEAD. I hate that feeling. I feel like I ran a marathon or something because my legs feel so sore and crampy, some days they are completely numb. Icy Hot doesn't do shit for my legs. Just gotta eat more bananas right? RIGHT! LOL!
  
  - Itchy skin. So yeah, we have a ton of mosquitoes that bite me all throughout the day in our newly landscaped yard BUT still, I feel like my skin is tight and taut and just needs to be scratched. My poor legs look all beat up from me scratching the hell out of them. Oh well, it feels damn good when I scratch!
  
  - I barely grew any hair on my legs when I was preggo with Connor but this time around, hair on my legs are growing like weeds. I am too lazy to shave them. But J was so proud of me...I just shaved them the other day for the 1st time in a month. I mean, they weren't THAT hairy, but he definitely notices. haha
  
  - still having a little bit of nausea. NP says it's dehydration so I have been drinking a ton of water. It seems to help. I am having the worst habit of chewing on ice too. My poor teeth!
  
  - My gums aren't bleeding that badly but they are bleeding some. Totally normal according to the NP...- Constipation. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I hate it. What can I say? I wish we didn't have to poo at all. It is such a chore. But when it all comes out, soooooooooooooooo much like heaven. Well ok, sorry for "too much information" but for those who have been constipated for days, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
  
  I think that's about it for now! I need to go to bed!!!!!!!!!

 

Lessons Learned Part I

So I don't know why I've been thinking about this and why it's even important??? But I just wanted to write a little something about the things I've learned from the people that have been in my life in one way or another. I'm gonna start out with the men. I'm not talking about my Dad, my brother, my cousin...I'm talking about men (or boys) that I've been with in the past and the man I love & will always love forever (yes you, my dear husband).

I guess I started looking back at my past relationships and realized I wasn't always the best person in general. I didn't treat a lot of these guys the way they should have been treated. I was selfish & immature in a lot of ways. I don't regret anything, only because its made me who I am today...but I do appreciate the lessons I've learned from all the relationships I've had with them. May those relationships been short or long, it doesn't really matter. I learned something important in each one. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I do realize now how important all those relationships have been in shaping the person I am today.

I have always been "involved" in one way or another ever since I was 16 years old. It was hard for me to be alone and I know that some of the "relationships" I was in was all based on convenience alone. It sucks to realize that this was the kind of person I was. I guess I am reminiscing, not because I'm unhappy with my current relationship (God knows I've never been happier!) but I just feel bad for some of the things I've done to some of these people and for the way I treated the relationship with them in general. I'm not saying I've never had my heart broken, but I did my fair share of hurting people and in a way I am writing this as way of making peace with myself or posting it on a public blog as a kind of subliminal message to those people (some of whom are on Myspace).

I have always been the person to move on fairly easily because I have never really let people get TOO close. I thought it was a matter of strength on my part, but I definitely think it was more of weakness. My sisters and friends were always amazed at how quickly I would regain my self-confidence and continue to live life as if nothing ever happened. In my mind, I knew that we could only control so much of our lives. Control is an illusion. So why would I sit there and cry over something I couldn't control? But the truth was...I couldn't stand to feel my true emotions. I am weak when it comes to emotions and have been slowly learning in the past 3 years that it is OK to FEEL. My husband and my son most of all have taught me so much and I am learning from them each and every day. And because of that, I am learning to truly open up and learning how to make amends with my past.

J - You have taught me the real meaning about unconditional love. That honesty truly is the best policy. That the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a bunch of crap. I love you for keeping me grounded and for telling me exactly how it is, without bending over backwards to make me happy. I like being treated like a woman, as an adult, as a friend and not just your wife. Not a day goes by that we miss telling each other "I love you" and actually really mean it. You are my sunshine. No words can truly express what you really mean to me...

Mase - You opened up my eyes to the underlying causes of the person I was becoming...an alcoholic, a person you couldn't trust (b/c of what happened with Jonathan), someone who was not available emotionally (being on the cell phone 90f the time we hung out), etc. Though I defended myself to the nth degree for my actions, you taught me to really take a look at what I was doing to myself and made me realize that I needed to change. In a weird way, you also helped me take a look at the people in my life and made me realize who my true friends were. Your honesty helped me.

Jonathan - the person who told Mase about the person that I was (about that night). You taught me that word gets around and I need to be more careful (and thoughtful) about my actions. I have never really been slapped in the face per se before that time and you too, helped me realize what kind of person I was.

Alex - You taught me that age doesnt really matter. Its a matter of the chemistry and the actual relationship between 2 people. We knew what kind of relationship we had and it was all fun & games (or so we thought) until one of us got hurt. You taught me that no matter how many times we tell ourselves we dont care, we really do. That goes for all aspects in life.

Mikey - You taught me the real meaning of friendship. I never believed in friends becoming lovers. I was always one to believe that platonic relationships DO work (and yes, they do!). You are the only friend Ive ever dated. After all the shit that I had done in the past & knowing exactly the person that I was, you were still willing to be with me. Long-distance relationships suck but they do work out, as long as both people want it to work. I tried, I really did. You taught me that you need to put yourself first sometimes, even if it hurts the other person. I was so used to putting other people first.

Brian - You taught me how fun life can bewith or without drugs. LOL! Seriously though, you taught me that laughter truly is the best medicine and that drama can eventually kill your soul. We need more of one and less of the other, thats for damn sure. Youre another one that has taught me the meaning of friendship, to really be there for someone. The art of listening is a skill you have and I have yet to learn.

Tyler - You taught me the true meaning of passionanger, love, motivation, music, poetry, etc. Though you always said you werent the type of person to keep in touch with exes, we managed to keep in touch just fine. So in a way, you learned something yourself!!!

Thomas - You taught me the meaning of a fling w/ strings attached. J I know that seems like a dumb thing to say, but we knew better that our relationship was a dead end. But you did write letters to keep it going and I appreciated that. You taught me that two lost souls can be lost together, but may never find each other.

Bobby B - You taught me the meaning of romance. Never had I ever experienced any of the nice things you did for me. I am sure it wasnt a big deal to you, but it was to me. Wined and dined. Flowers. Poetry. Oooh la la

Rob - You taught me that money really doesnt matter. You made millions and I thought I could overlook all your flawsbut I guess I couldnt! My mom wanted me to stay with you regardless of all the crapand thank God, I was smart enough to listen to my own heart. You helped open up my eyes to the fact that I could care less about money if the man youre with is a shithead. Money can NOT buy you love.

Johnny - You showed me true emotions even if it embarrassed you. You really cared and I treated you like you were nothing. You taught me about how big of a shithead I was. It took me several more years to become less of a shithead, trust me.

Moe - You taught me about deceit and the fact to never ever date your friends ex. I lost a lot of friends because of you and my own selfishness. Friends do care. That whole situation taught me how important friends really are in your life.

Bobby M - my 1st true love. You taught me a lot. You put me high up on a pedestal that it took many, MANY years after to get used to the idea that Im not always going to be #1. Passion, intimacy, sacrifice, trust, friendshipthese were all the positive sides of our almost 5 yr relationship. But you also taught me about possessiveness, bitterness, hatred, negativity, and whatever else we shared that should never exist in a relationship. I have never seen the ugly side of me until you entered my lifenor have I ever seen the most beautiful side of me either. It was all a matter of perspective and thank you for teaching me all about perspectives. You taught me the true meaning of being special and all those memories will never be forgotten.

VOTE FOR MY KID!

So yeah, I'm such a dorky mommy...I entered my son in a Babies Photo Contest. The theme is MESSY BABY and considering how messy he gets all the time, I had tons of pics to choose from. I picked his 1st bday pic when he was running around chasing the kids with his cake-infested self because I thought it was perfect for the theme and it's just way too cute.

Sooooooo from June 8th thru the 14th...VOTE FOR CONNOR!!! (page #16: Connor M)http://www.babiesonline.com/babycontest/votedo.asp

Thank you soooooooooooo much! 

It's a...

GIRL!!!

We found out this morning that we'll be having a baby girl. She weighs approximately 13 ounces. The doc says that the baby looks perfectly healthy and normal. So it's all good! We are very excited. She was so cute, yes even in the ultrasound! She yawned a couple of times and she was laid out lengthwise across my lower abdomen. She was holding her hands together and had her legs stretched out as if she was relaxing. As the doc says, "she's loungin". Oh, I can already see she's so much like her Daddy! LOL!It's funny because I was trying to force myself to not really care about the gender of the baby. I was even afraid of having a girl (maybe it's because I grew up with 3 sisters? LOL!). I was so set in having a boy because 1) it just seemed easier since I already "know" what to do. 2) it'll be cheaper since we kept most of Connor's stuff and there really isn't much for boys out there. 3) don't have to worry about having to wipe from front to back. LOL! Seriously though, I didn't really care whether or not it was a boy or girl. That is, until last night. I had a dream that we were at the doc's office getting the ultrasound done and the doc said it was a boy. I felt disappointed and woke up feeling sad for some reason. I guess that's when I realized, I really WANTED a girl. So I was really nervous and excited on the way to the doctor's (Dr. Cedar). I even text messaged all my closest friends and family. I told them to place their bets. $10 per bet...a good way for a stay at home mom to make some $$$. haha. Well, obviously I lost and NO I ain't paying shit. :) I mean...everyone bet on a girl. But then again, I think everyone had a pretty good sense about it because I told them everything...all my symptoms so far are opposite with what I had with Connor, I am not as bitchy & irritable as I was with Connor and everyone's saying how I'm "glowing". Not that I wasn't happy with my pregnancy during Connor but it has definitely been more relaxing now than it was w/ Connor. Maybe because we didn't know what to expect? Who knows?I didn't have any morning sickness with Connor but the sciatica from 3 months on was just horrible. So I prayed and prayed, asking for morning sickness any day over sciatica. But when the morning sickness came...oh my goodness, I wanted to die! haha! The sciatica hasn't been that bad this time around but when it hits, I am pretty much in a lot of pain. It sucks being in that much pain and trying to run around a little toddler! But Connor is so caring and affectionate, he takes care of his Momma!

It's positive!

So yes, it's confirmed. I am pregnant. For how long? Who knows?! It's killing me that I don't know when my baby's due. Why don't I know this? Well, it's a long story but here it is. (This may be too much info for some people, so just warning you now before you continue).

I didn't get my period back until April '05, when Connor was about 10 months old. I was lucky enough to get it that late, but since then, I had my period regularly which I never experienced before. I always had irregular periods pre-pregnancy so I never knew when to expect my period until "Surprise!" So anyways, it just so happened that the cycle started and the next cycle started within the same month...so yes, I got my period twice a month. Yes, you read that right. TWICE a month. It was insane. I would get my "1st" period at the regular time and that would last for like a week and it was heavy. Then 28 days later, I would have my period again. So this went on and on and on (what seemed like forever!) until October. Then in November, I had my last "regular" period and in December, I spotted for like 3 days.

So the confusion: do I state that my LMP (last menstrual period) was in November or December??? I had my first doctor's appointment on Feb. 21st, a month after I took some home pregnancy tests and got my original positives. It was driving me crazy that I had to wait that long to even get an appt but I guess it was their office policy to not see you until you were technically 8 weeks pregnant. Well, I got my nunu examined and the damn nurse practitioner couldn't tell how far along I was.

I had the ultrasound done on Feb. 28th and the tech tells me she can't tell me how far along I am. The doc has to be the one to do it..."office policy", she says. Office policies my ass!!!! I am sick and tired of waiting. I have been waiting a freaking month already and that's all you have to tell me? BITCH. Anyways, I know it's not her fault so let me just take a breather. Alright, I'm ok now.

Anyways, so yeah...I have to wait now until MARCH 22nd to find out anything!!! But let me tell you this, I was not expecting to see what I saw in the ultrasound. I was expecting to see a little peanut, something that didn't "look" like a baby. But guess what? It sure looks like a baby alright!!! It's so cute. The baby's heart beat was going 171 BPM. I don't know why but the whole thing was surreal. I guess I didn't really expect a "real" baby to be in my tummy already. Granted, with all the morning sickness/tiredness/insomnia/mood swings...I FEEL pregnant. I guess it just wasn't all that real to me until I saw the ultrasound. Crazy huh?!

Connor and Daddy were there to share the experience with me so that made it even more special. Connor was really tired and wanted to nap, so he was being really clingy to me. I went in the bathroom to change into my gown and he cried for me the whole time. Then I laid down on the gurney and he cried some more. Then he watched the TV screen and was in awe for like 3 seconds...then cried some more. LOL! He was out as soon as we got in the car.

Anyways, just wanted to share our ultrasound pic with y'all. How far along do YOU think I am? According to the calendar, if I'm counting Nov. 23rd as my LMP then I'm 14 weeks. If I count Dec. 20th as my LMP then I'm 10 weeks. Either way, I'm ready for this. I just wanna know when my freaking due date is. Maybe that would help me sleep better at night?? haha, yeah right...