A look back at 2011...

This past year has definitely been one of the roughest years I've ever had. To think, 2010 was pretty rough too. I still have a difficult time saying that my Mom passed away. I can write it, I can hear it, I can talk about her. But it's saying out loud "My Mom's gone" has been particularly challenging. Just hearing songs she once loved is challenging. If I can make it through one day with no crying, I consider that a "normal" day.

I am hoping for lots of healing (in many areas of my life) in 2012. I would like to be able to work on myself, to get past THE PAST and just move on to a brighter future. My children and husband have definitely helped me become a much better person than I've ever thought I'd be. But I want to be a "shinier" version of myself. I know I can do better. Be better. To do that, I have to do a lot of self-reflection...and well, that's the toughest part.

My Mom and I had a very volatile relationship. We had very high highs and very low lows. My sisters and brother can attest to that. With her passing, I feel so lost...and guilty. For so MANY things. I know she's in a much better place. I believe in my heart that she's watching over us. I think I know a lot of things...at least in my head, it seems so real, so right. I have never lived with regrets...until now. 2011 has proven to me just how much our past haunts us. How we truly shape our present and our future. How we can single handedly ruin our own day by one mistake...all unknowingly or even purposely. But the impossibility of "going back". If only.

I wish I could go back and tell my Mom just "one more thing". All I want is just that one last phone call. That one last hug. That one last...anything, really.

But I guess I can consider myself lucky...I can talk to her anytime I want now. I can finally be really honest with her and not be afraid of the circumstances that may happen after. If only she can reach out and let me know she's listening...

2011 was not full of sorrow however. Although our family experienced 4 deaths in the past year...I can't help but think about all the happy, wonderful times we shared with them. Just by looking at my children and the joy they exude on a daily basis, I have to at least try to look at the positive. To look at life with more joy than I really feel inside. If not for me...for my children and my husband. They are the reason I make it day to day.

I say GOOD RIDDANCE to 2011. Actually, let me re-phrase that...

FUCK YOU 2011.
(Pardon my "French")

Well...let's just say. I needed to say that. But quite truthfully...HEALING IS A CHOICE. Therefore, I choose to heal by saying F U to all the bad things that happened this past year. Yes, WRITING THIS IS PART OF MY HEALING.

Thank God for renewal, spiritual rejuvenation, good family and friends. I have even met some new friends this year that have become very dear to my heart. I have been very blessed to have really wonderful people in my life to make me WANT to be better, people that encourage me to look forward to tomorrow. 2012 is a NEW YEAR and I am looking forward to a fresh start.

Today was not a normal day.

The Rest of the Advent Calendar Activities

December 16: O, Christmas Tree!

December 17: The Polar Express

December 18: Classic CHRISTMAS MOVIES Day!

December 19: Presents!

December 20: Christmas - Part I

December 21: Holiday Extravaganza, Melodrama in Oceano

December 22:

December 23:

December 24: Waiting for Santa

December 25: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Advent Calendar of Activities continued...

December 9: Winter Wonderland, Atascadero

December 10: Time to Decorate for Christmas - Outside

December 11: "The Great Late Potentate" musical, ABC Church

December 12: Time to Decorate for Christmas - Inside

Photo courtesy of Isabella :)

December 13: Gingerbread House

December 14: Singing Christmas carols

December 15: Elves and the Shoemaker

Grow, hair, grow!

 

I have been having a lot of migraines lately. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's something else. I want to pull my hair out sometimes.

Speaking of hair...I really miss my long hair.

Yep, that's it. That's all I wanted to say. Lol.

Activity Advent Calendar for Christmas!

One of the moms posted on Facebook that they're doing an Activity Advent Calendar for Christmas this year. I thought it was a great idea so I'm copying it! :) I am hoping to find something to do every single day!

December 1: Letters to Santa!

December 2: Holiday Lighting of the Trees at Sunken Gardens, Atascadero

December 3: Holiday Walk Around the Lake, Atascadero

December 4: Elegant Evening, Arroyo Grande

December 5: Christmas Crack (toooo dangerous to have this hanging around in the house!)

December 6: Cracking Walnuts (Christmas presents for teachers)

December 7: A Charlie Brown Christmas movie

December 8: Personal Christmas Tree Painted Projects

Connor's such a trooper!

 

 

Last night, Connor was in tears as he was really nervous about his dentist appointment. I explained that it's OK to be nervous and that everyone is afraid of the unknown. I tried to ease his fears by reassuring him that he can ask the dentist what he's going to be doing exactly and I would be there right next to him, holding his hand...which I didn't end up doing since there wasn't much room for me to do it. :(

Why did he have to go to the dentist, you ask? Well Connor went in for a check-up last week and the dentist found that he had a very mild ("almost a cavity"?) on his bottom left molar. So today, Connor went in to get it taken care of and they used nitrous to take the edge off. I've never used it before so I was kind of worried how it was going to affect him. Surprisingly, he wasn't loopy or anything like what I've seen those kids do on "Ellen". LOL. The whole procedure took less than 20 mins and Connor did awesome! Dr. Cottrell said that most boys are a little more "active" in the chair and Connor was pretty mellow. Shocking. Connor and mellow in one sentence. LOL. :)

The real test will be next Friday. He will be having oral surgery. Apparently, he has an extra tooth growing upside down in the middle of his two front teeth. Imagine that! (Totally explains the monstrous gap between his 2 front teeth!) It's causing such a protrusion and is preventing his smaller upper teeth to come in that it has to be removed soon. I am really nervous about the whole thing and I KNOW that he's going to do just fine, but you know how it is. You just want to protect your baby from anything that might seem painful. He's going to be put under so please pray that he doesn't have any complications. Thanks! :)

Isabella, you little stinker!!!

This morning was just like normal: wake up, give kids breakfast, something to drink while I take my vitamins and get myself to wake up by washing dishes, etc etc.

Isabella asked for some water in our special light-up cup (you know, one of the ones you get at the concerts at the fair). Isabella and Connor were sitting at the dining table chit-chatting about this and that, arguing about something (like usual) and laughing REALLY loud about silly things (like usual). Ofcourse...as usual, I had to remind them that Daddy was sleeping and they needed to shush it a little. They're still cracking up about something and then next thing I know Connor just walks away.

I asked Connor what happened (as I noticed his fruit cup was still full). He said that Isabella swished some water in her mouth and spit it into his cup. YUCK. This whole time Isabella is cracking up and is just happy that now, she gets to eat the fruit cup. Yeah, you know, so it doesn't go to waste. Ingenious! Ofcourse, I had to quickly remind her that wasn't a nice to thing to do, yada, yada, yada.

Anyway, a few minutes later I picked up the light-up cup she was using and drank from it. As I'm doing this, she's just laughing and just had this sly look on her cute little face. After I finished drinking, I asked her "What's so funny?" In between her snorts, she tells me that she was swishing the water in her mouth and spit it back out...back in the same water cup I just drank from!!!! Ugh, GROSS!!! Then she had to add a little detail and again through her snorts, "Haha, I made you drink my slobber lemonade!!" HAHA, real funny. You little stinker!

*Don't worry, I will get her back*

 

I have to admit. I am probably the luckiest mom in the world to have such beautiful children, inside and out. :)

Go Connor Go!

 

Daddy decided it was time to teach Connor how to mow the lawns. Our electric lawn mower is super easy to maneuver & the blades are hidden well so it's safe to use. Connor didn't think it was a great idea but after a little persuasion (well ok, he didn't really have much of a choice), he did it and he did awesome! It was kind of a hot day so he did take multiple breaks to sit in the shade ("It's soooo hot! I'm all sweaty.") but we are super duper proud of him. The lawn looks great and he did a wonderful job! Go Connor Go!

Kids say some of the funniest things sometimes...

CONNOR

We were driving by Dove Creek Church yesterday and Connor noticed the banner they have posted in front of the church.  It said "FREE FAMILY FAIR FESTIVAL"... 

C: "Look Mom, that church is having a carnival on August 13th!"

M: "Oh cool, maybe we should go.  That sounds like fun!"

C: "You know Mom, I don't know about going to these free events."

M: "Why would you say that?  I like free events."

C: "Well you know, they say it's free, but all they really want is your money."

(I'm just about as shocked as you can be hearing this coming out of my 7-year-old son's mouth)

M: "Oh really, why do you think that?"

C: "Because every time we go somewhere that's free, they make you spend money there by making you buy things or if you want to do anything."

M: "Yeah I guess that's true, come to think of it."

Funny kid...

ISABELLA

So Isabella and I were snuggling on the couch this morning and talking about things we want to do for the rest of the week.  We're planning to go back to the Mid State Fair on Friday with Daddy (we went yesterday to ride the carnival rides while Daddy was at work) and the kids are super excited to go back.  Well Isabella fell in love with this nail polish set called the "Migi Nail Art" set that a vendor was selling at the fair.  She really really really wants them for her birthday...which isn't until September.  But there was just noooooo way I was going to spend $25 on a set of nail polish for her 5th birthday.  Mind you, I thought it was pretty cool too, but handing out that much money for something incredibly overpriced (and those who know me, I have a tough time buying anything without a coupon to begin with!) is just insane to me.  So Isabella was trying to reason with me and trying to persuade me to buy the nail polish...

I: "Mommy, I really want the nail thing.  Didn't you like it?"

M: "Yes I really liked it too.  But it was kind of expensive."

I: "Well you can get it for me for my birthday."

M: "You're right, I could, but I don't think so..."

I: "Well maybe I can give you 10 kisses and then you have to buy it for me."

M: "Really? 10 kisses huh?  How about 10,000?"

I: "Oh Mom, come on, I can't do that."

M: "Why not?"

I: "Ummm Mom, I can't count that high!"

LOL!  :)

Wish there were just 2 extra hours more per day!

I feel like I am always playing catch up with everything.  Now that school is over and summer vacation is here, I once again have a full schedule. We just ended Awanas, T-Ball, and Cub Scouts.  Then here we are, all signed up again for a whole summer of "fun".  It sounded good months ago when I signed up for everything but now it is just exhausting just thinking about what we have going on this summer.  Between swim lessons, reading class (for Isabella), VBS @ several churches, going to the Ravine (we got season passses), and making sure we have other "fun" in between...I just wish there were just two more hours per day so I can catch up to basic necessities (you know, like organizing coupons, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc.).  I wish I wasn't so addicted to Facebook, blogs, and Words with Friends either.  LOL.  That probably explains what happens to all my extra time! 

I am just amazed at how much we try to accomplish in a given day.  To think, mothers back in the day had to cook food from scratch every day (I try!), had to wash clothes by hand, give their children real baths as there were no showers, and at some point in time...they had no hot water or electricity!  Talk about accomplishing a lot, THEY accomplished way more than I ever have in my lifetime and here I am complaining about all the fun times we get to offer our children.  Maybe this is a good reality check...maybe my kids just needs me to bake them cookies and play board games with them all day?  Ever wonder how simple life COULD be?!

Interesting (but funny) conversation...

So the kids and I are going through their bedrooms trying to collect stuff to sell at our yard sale.  Connor is doing awesome looking for things to sell (and donate to Goodwill).  He is breezing through his room stuffing boxes with toys he no longer plays with.  Isabella, on the other hand, is a hoarder like me so she is having a hard time letting go of things and is actually asking Connor if she can take some of the stuff he's willing to let go of. Go figure.  Lol.

Connor decided to donate his blow-up dinosaur he got at the Dollar Tree not too long ago.  He says he never plays with it (which he does by the way) but is willing to let go of it (and just about everything in his room because he "wants to make room for more toys that he will be getting for his birthday in a few weeks").  As he puts it in the box, Isabella picks it up and decides it's now hers.  It's a fun toy, so what the heck, I let her keep it.  Fast forward a few hours later, Isabella's walking around the house, shoving the dino in Connor's face...

I: "Hi, my name is Cutie!"
C: "His name is Dino.  It's a boy."
I: "Well I changed its name to Cutie.  It's a girl now.  I like to snuggle it and it's Cutie!"
C: "Well it's a boy.  It was born that way and you can't change it from boy to girl.  So his name is Dino."
I: "Well it's a girl now."
C: "Nope sorry, but it doesn't have a vagina. It has a penis."
I: "Well I'll just take it off.  Now it's a girl."
C: "You can't just take it off.  It's always been a boy and that's that."
Isabella walks away "Cutie is soooooo snuggly and I looooooove snuggling with her."

Those kids crack me up!

Triathlon Training

The Triathlon Training Center Swim Better at MensHealth.com

A great guide for Triathlon Training! I am really really hoping to be able to do the SLO Triathlon this year. I have been "training" for about a month now, not hardcore or anything, but enough to build my endurance. I'm able to do interval runs of 5 miles in 55 mins and swim 32 laps in a 25 yard pool within 11 mins. Not too bad. I am having problems with my right knee still but it has gotten a lot better since I've lost 10 lbs and been working out more. I was able to run 25 mins straight the other day w/ no pain! I was so ecstatic. I tried to push it but I could feel my knee start giving out so I started doing interval runs after. I ran 35 mins total so enough to do a 5K. I figure if I can push both kids in the BOB stroller and run a 5K in 30 mins or a 10K in 1.5 hrs then sheez, I can run a 5K now in less than 30 mins! It's just so frustrating when I know I CAN do all of this and in good time, but my body is failing me. Sucks getting old. Well, I can't really blame age entirely. It's my fault for always going into hibernation (eating all I want and barely working out) during the winter months. I can't expect that my metabolism and endurance will always snap back like usual. Now that I am getting older, I am finding that it's not as easy as it used to be. I used to be able to pick up right where I left off from 3 months prior but no such luck these days. Well, I just realized I have to swim 36 lengths at the Sinsheimer Pool (where the triathlon is held in July) so I need to start doing that. Off to go for a run then swim in the cold! Brrrrr!

Product Review: Canopy Anywhere Console Table, Mahogany Finish

I looked for over a year trying to find an affordable buffet to store my extra kitchen items and more expensive dishes. I had the toughest time finding anything selling for less than $600! I traveled near and far to try to find this piece of furniture but to no avail. Then one day, it occured to me to look on Walmart.com and here I found the best bargain of all! A "buffet" for less than $300, shipped to the store for FREE. Gotta love Walmart for that.

It took a lot longer than expected to put the whole thing together. The instructions are very easy to follow except for the fact that the way it tells you to put it together is NOT the best way to put it together. It says to attach the two main side pieces to the front and back pieces then place the middle pieces into the buffet (the pieces that would hold the drawers in the middle). Well much to my dismay, the pieces didn't go in perfectly, they would attach to the front piece but not to the back. I almost broke the whole thing due to my frustration.

I looked online and found a different instruction manual. If you are thinking of purchasing this item, follow these instructions instead! Trust me, it will make your life a whole lot easier.

Anyway, I waited a whole hour before I went back to putting it back together again. To my amazement, I was able to FINALLY put the console together. Wow, it just looks absolutely beautiful. Just like those $800 pieces I was looking at that! It has a lot of storage and it looks great in my living room! :)

I gave the Canopy Anywhere Console 5 stars out of 5!

Product Review: Body Fortress Super Advanced Whey Protein Powder Chocolate, 2 lbs

As of May 1st, I have been working hard to lose some weight. I was hoping to add some protein shakes to my daily routine to help build some muscle and help me get toned. I purchased the Body Fortress Super Advanced Whey Protein Powder Chocolate online from Walmart.com for $14.98 plus tax with free shipping. As always, I used Shopathome.com to get 2% cash back.

I have never been a huge fan of protein shakes. I always thought that you can still taste the powdery texture and the flavors were never that good. But I have to admit that this one is a lot better than any of the other ones I've tasted. I like the chocolate flavor and the texture isn't gritty like most other protein powders. I have made different kinds of protein shakes with this (1 scoop of powder with frozen or fresh fruit and soy milk w/ ice and/or greek yogurt). I have found that this tasted best with frozen blueberries, soy milk and a banana! I give it 4 out of 5 stars!

My review can be found HERE.

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Stop Putting Down Your Kids

I read this great article today titled "Stop Putting Down Your Kids" and it made me realize just how much I really need to think before I speak. Most of the time I forget that when I'm talking to my husband or other people, that my kids are old enough now to be listening to everything that I'm saying.

I like to vent sometimes, especially when I've been having a rough time (usually at the end of my husband's 4-day work week stretch...a time when I feel like a "single mom"). I talk about how my children are being such pains in the butts and how frustrated and irritated I am with them. Then I notice how quiet the kids are being and realize that they had been listening to me talk the whole time.

My husband and I usually don't spend much time together when he's working (since he's working night shifts and is sleeping during the day) so when we finally do have some time together, we kind of just let it all out on the table. We don't think anything of it, we just sit there and chit chat.

But some days, the kids will ask us questions about things, things we didn't realize they even knew about (since we never talked to them - at least not directly - about them). Then it's like an A-HA moment, like whoa, they really are listening to everything we're saying.

I feel bad, knowing my kids have sat there listening to me bitch about them. They must think horrible things about me. They must feel like I don't really like them and for that, I've got to really make some changes for the better. I don't want them growing up thinking I think so negatively about them. They are the love of my lives and can't even imagine how much that hurts hearing me "vent". Thanks for this article Mrs. Wood. It has helped remind me just how important it is to be good role models for our children!