Goals for the New Year...

I usually make New Year's resolutions but who am I fooling by saying that I stick with them by the time March comes around? I usually work better with short-term goals so I will start marking dates off on my calendar. As for general goals, I thought it'd be easier for me to attain these goals by visualizing them on-screen. I vowed to start up a new journal again this year as I am really missing writing. Typing is just too much work and plus, I have great penmanship. LOL. So I bought a pretty purple journal to begin writing again...but I have also vowed to keep up with this blog. I must post something at least once a week! Now on to more important goals!

Beginning January 4th...

HEALTH & WELLNESS

- Every year, I manage to lose weight but gain it right back after a few months of hard work due to some "special" day. I must admit, I don't mind that process. I love to eat so I can't NOT indulge when good food is present. So I'm not gonna fool myself and say yes, I will eat healthy food 100% of the time. That's just stupid, as I know I will fail on every birthday, holiday, party that exists. So my goal is to eat healthy every normal day of the week and mildly splurge on days that are considered "special". The rule is to not make up days as being "special" but only consider those that everyone else will consider special (such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays). I will continue to follow the South Beach Diet (SBD) plan as I have, since August of '08. It is the only lifestyle I know I can lose belly fat within days. I followed Phase 1 to the T for 2 weeks (without exercising, just to test the theory of losing the belly fat) and it really works! I was doomed ofcourse when we went on our 7-day cruise to Mexico at the end of September but it's so easy to get right back on the bandwagon on the SBD. I am honestly thankful I found this healthy lifestyle as I was at my wits end after trying several diets that didn't do much to my waistline, even after working out 5x a week. So SBD...you rock!

- Starting this week, I will be heading to the gym 3-5x a week and work on getting fit again. It's been weeks since I've worked out and my body shows. It's amazing how quickly your body can turn into flab in like 3 days with no workouts at my age. I've never quite had that problem before until after Isabella was born. But luckily, my muscle memory comes right back after just a few days of working out. Plus, I need to incorporate more walks with Jer and more outdoor activities for the kids. I WILL get my butt in gear again.

Short-term goals:
Jan-March: Run a 5K in March
Bi-Weekly: Go on a hike at least once every 2 weeks
April-August: Be absolutely tone by the time we go to Hawaii (probably in August)

FAMILY & FRIENDS

- I would love to be able to spend more time with family and friends. God has blessed us with Jer's work schedule so that we are able to spend 3-4 days each week together (though that leaves me like a single mom for the days that he is working). So the goal is to spend more QUALITY time together, like going on dates at least once every 2 weeks with Jer and take the kids out on a special outing every month (Chuck E Cheese, museums, zoo, etc).

- I would like to build on the relationships I already have and plan to spend more time with them. I have offered my idea of game night once per month to our circle of friends so hopefully that will become a new tradition this year. I am determined to bring all my friends together, in hopes that we can all hang out together all the time as it's proven to be very difficult to split time with different sets of friends. I guess it was a blessing in disguise then when I lost a handful of friends this past year. Just kidding!!!!

- I plan on spending more time with my mom, dad, sisters and brother this year. The past year has been a difficult one for my parents & siblings and I would like to offer my love and support to them as much as I can after all that has happened. Just being with them makes me happy so I will make more of an effort to spend time with them as much as I can. The only thing that sucks about it is that everyone is spread out throughout Cali (Sacramento, Thousand Oaks, Valencia, Orange County and San Diego).

- I plan to return phone calls as soon as possible. This proves to be my most difficult challenge every year as there never seems to be the best time to talk on the phone, especially with 2 crazy banshees playing in the background. So let's try this one AGAIN. Oh yeah, I'll add emails to that too. I love reading them but writing back is a whole another issue. I'll work on that.

MONEY

- The holidays are over and there really isn't any more excuses to waste money hastily. I am a true shopper at heart and though you can say I am quite addicted to shopping, I am not addicted to feeling financially strapped. With the economy's loom over the horizon, I really need to be more careful with my spending! I don't like stressing out my husband so I will retreat from my impulsive behaviors and start tomorrow. It's too late for the last 2 days already. (insert half-hearted laugh here)

- Coupons, coupons, coupons! I still have to buy food and household junk to maintain the home so I plan to buy things only when on a significant sale and especially when coupons are available. I started the grocerygame.com a few weeks ago and I'm addicted to saving money whenever possible. It definitely fulfills the aching need to shop and it feels great being able to spend much less than what I normally would spend for the things I need. I highly recommend this system. Please use me as your reference when signing up (megaland@yahoo.com). It's so wonderful to hear the check-out ladies say "Wow, you've saved 80% on your groceries today. That's amazing!" It truly is.

- Eating out is probably the best leisurely activity we participate in each week. I realized how much money we spend on food each month and it just makes me sick to my stomach (literally). The goal is to NOT eat out every week, maybe twice a month at the most. I love to cook anyway so I can try more recipes out this way.

- We need to lower our monthly bills somehow. I will work on finding ways to do that this very week.

PERSONAL TIME

- I need to get in bed by midnight every single night. As I get older, I realize how badly my brain and body needs my beauty sleep. It's important to have a keen mind when dealing with a 4 and 2 year old on a daily basis. Tonight however is an exception as it obviously is past midnight.

- Less time on the computer! I love my computer. I love internet access. However, I love myself and family/friends more. I waste waaaaaayyyy to much time on my PC and will vow to turn it off every night before getting into bed as it's too tempting to keep it on for the next morning. 3 hours max. That's the goal. Yikes, that seems so little of a number but I must focus on other projects...like cleaning! LOL.

- I need to start working on little projects around the house. Our home seems complete but it's time to start moving the kids in their own bedrooms and transitioning the garage to our new office. Each room is also starting to pile with up with CRAP (mostly my fault) and I need to start condensing the never-ending collections of I don't even know what anymore. I admit I'm a pack rat...must must must get rid of stuff!

- Start my own little garden this spring!!! I'm researching on what varieties I will include in my garden. I will definitely include green onions, tomatoes, herbs, and squash. I've been wanting to do this for years, so I'll be elated once it's all done.

- Read a new book series every 2 months. I just started the new Twilight series and I am hooked!!!! I miss getting lost in the world of books. I've been reading several books at a time, but all of them were informational, based on personal well-being, true stories or plain ole magazines. I plan to start reading the Shopaholic series and Nicholas Sparks books this year. I also am gonna start paying attention to the Oprah Book Club and see if anything sparks my interest there.

I've got soooooo much more to add to my list. But I will have to bid farewell for now as the bed is calling my name...

Happy New Year!

Wow...it's 2009. It seems like yesterday that I was hearing "Party like it's 1999" over and over again on the radio. And look at us now, 10 years later. It's super crazy how fast time really flies.

2009 is going to be a busy year. We'll be traveling a lot like usual and hopefully we will be able to continue this for years to come. Our 1st trip will be to the snow (hopefully next week). It will be the first time we're bringing the kids, so they will be very excited. I already bought all their snow gear (oh wait, that reminds me, I need to get them gloves). Next will be a special trip to somewhere (don't know where yet) in February for our 5-year anniversary, my 32nd birthday and for Valentine's. February is a really full month for my poor hubby. :) In early March, I will be going away for a weekend with my sisters to celebrate birthdays and just being together. It will officially be our 1st "just us" trip together. It should be amazing. Then as soon as I come back, I think Jer is gonna take Connor to San Fran for their annual trip to visit friends and go to the Zoo. Isabella and I will surely find something to do while they're gone. Then at the end of March, Jer and I will be traveling with his sister and her hubby to Palm Springs for 5 days while the kids stay with Grandpa and Grandma. Phew, to think, that's only the first 3 months of traveling! We're still trying to figure out when we're going to Hawaii...but we are definitely intending to go. It will be our first time going together! I am so looking forward to that! So this month, my goal is to start planning out our trips from April til the holidays...

There are just so many great things happening this year. Jer's sister will be having her baby in June, Connor will be attending kindergarten (yikes!), I might be heading back to work (or school...undecided still), Jer will be working a new position, the kids will be starting new activities, and so much more. I am actually really excited about the New Year, as I can begin "fresh" again with my goals and will work hard to attain them. I think I've pretty much reached all my goals in 2008 so I HOPE that 2009 will just be as great, if not, I will MAKE it great no matter what.

Anyhow, I wish everyone a wonderful new year and hope & pray that 2009 only brings great peace and joy!

Reflection Questions for 2008

I got this from SimpleMom.net. I haven't really given a lot of what's happened in the past year much thought so it will be interesting to try to answer these questions. Why don't you try them yourself?

Reflection Questions for 2008

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
We bought our 1st house! It's such a pretty little 3BR/2BA house with a great backyard for the kids to run around in. I love where we live and look forward to all the wonderful memories we will make in our new home!

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Working 50+ hrs per week as an Event Coordinator for the Zoo (while taking care of the kids at the same time) for less money than what I expected.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
The Mexican Riviera cruise my in-laws took us on in September!

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Having to pay for my dental implants ($5,000) at the last-minute due to an emergency.

5. Pick three words to describe 2008.
Fun, adventurous, and stressful.

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2008 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
Stressed, confused, and happy.

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2008 (again, without asking).
Fun, adventurous, and stressful.

8. What were the best books you read this year?
Crazy Love by Chan (the most recent one I read) was by far the most thought-provoking and life-changing book I've read in the past year. I honestly don't remember the others after reading that one.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
Jeramy, my kids, my sisters, my inlaws, and my girls (Corinne, Ling, Sammie, the Jen(n)s, and Jess).

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
I became a true stay-at-home mom in May. I was always working (ie, volunteering) on small projects on the side and focused on those things rather than just spending time with my kids.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I usually talk about everything else, but never about what really bothers ME. I have had enough breakdowns this year to realize that it's OK to cry, to let it out and not internalize everything.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
I have become more spiritual in a sense that I am trying to build a more intimate relationship with God.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
I gained 10 lbs last holiday season and weighed 162 lbs at the beginning of 2008, fasted for 5 days and lost quite a few lbs then gained a few back. But in August, I discovered the South Beach Diet and have managed to keep my weight around 140-145 lbs. It has been REALLY challenging, considering the cruise and all the traveling we've done in the last few months but I intend to stick with this lifestyle for good.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I have lost some friends this year which was a really painful process. However, I have learned a valuable lesson...to never take things for granted. I've also given every person I've met the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are good from the get-go, but over time, I find that I am wrong. I need to listen to my instincts from the very beginning and try to build better relationships with people who are worth my time and effort. Fortunately, we have created our own little "Sex in the City" group and I have gotten closer with these girls this past year and am looking forward to becoming even better friends with them in 2009.

15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?
Believe it or not, it's the kids/guest bathroom. I managed to keep that bathroom clean almost every day since we've moved in! I don't know if it was exactly "enjoyable" but I enjoyed the fact that it was the one room in the house that was clean the majority of the time.

16. What was your most challenging area of home management?
The kitchen. I hate washing dishes, cleaning the counters, throwing out the trash, etc. But I like cooking and eating, so go figure.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Working for the Zoo.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Traveled and spent a lot of time with family/friends! We went to LA in Feb for our 4th anniversary, enjoyed the concerts and festivities at the Fair in the summer, went to San Clemente in June for my brother's graduation, had family/friends come visit in August for our housewarming, went on the cruise with J's parents in Sept, had Lefse reunion in Phoenix & early Thanksgiving with my mom & bro in Laguna Niguel in November, and celebrated early Christmas at my sister Charmaine's new house (which she purchased a month after we bought ours) in San Diego in December.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
That friends come and go and that I'm old enough now to pick & choose who my friends are. We are ADULTS, so let's act like it. We're not in high school anymore!

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2008 for you.
Whoo-rah!

How to stay young as the years go by...

I received this in my email today. I think it's perfect to start out the New Year with...

Harvey Mackay's Column This Week

How to stay young as the years go by

Youth, it has been said, is wasted on the young. That would be a travesty if it were true. Fortunately, youth is not only a time of life; it's also a state of mind. I stopped counting after my 39th birthday, but I still consider myself young. And I intend to stay that way!

Having a youthful outlook and attitude is possible at any age, just as being an old fogey can start at a very young age. As I said, I choose youth!

Want to stay young at heart? Here are some ideas to help you:

*Keep only cheerful, positive friends. You can pick your friends, and I like to choose those who are positive and people who challenge me. They make me feel good. They don't drag me down or make me angry at the world. Negative people see the difficulty in every opportunity, while positive people see the opportunity in every difficulty.

*Keep learning. I think Henry Ford put it best when he said, "Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young." I've always said that you should be in school all your life—never stop learning.

*Enjoy the simple things. Don't forget to take time to enjoy the things that you like to do—go for a walk or to the movies, read a good book, watch a favorite TV show, spend time with your family. You have to have a good balance in life.

*Laugh often. Starting your day with a good laugh, or at least a big smile, is as beneficial to your health as it is to your mood. Scientific studies at Northwestern University and Fordham University concluded that laughter benefits the heart, lungs, stomach and other organs. It relaxes tensions, changes attitude, and increases the body's natural painkillers. And it has no harmful side effects.

*Stay in shape. Exercise is good for your mind as well as your body. Studies show that healthy employees have decreased absenteeism, better performance and improved morale. I've always felt that a healthy workforce is a productive workforce. The human body is the only machine that wears out faster if it is not used.

*Cherish your health. There is nothing more important than your health. Stay in shape so you can improve your chance for good health. If you're healthy, do what you can to preserve it. It your health is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

*Be happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. We sometimes convince ourselves that life will be better after we get a better job, make more money, get married, have a baby, buy a bigger house and so on. Yet the accomplishment of any of those events may not make any difference at all. There is no magic secret to happiness. Happiness starts in your head.

*Don't stress out. You can't escape stress, but you can avoid creating unnecessary stress. You just need to find a stress reliever. Mine is sports—going to a sporting event, playing golf, swimming or jogging. If the stress just won't go away, then you have to make some changes in your life that might be more stressful in the short-term but healthier in the long run.

*Don't take guilt trips. Rather, take a trip to some location or maybe it's just the mall, but escape occasionally. I remember a story about the worry tree. At night an accountant would go home from work and place all his worries on a tree in his front yard. The next morning he would pick up those worries on his way to work, but surprisingly, they weren't as heavy the next day.

*Visualize yourself as youthful and with endless energy. I learned years ago that visualization is the most powerful means of attaining personal goals. Visionary people can achieve whatever they want by determining a plan to attain it and expecting positive results. It doesn't do the planning and it doesn't anticipate the obstacles. It gives you a real idea of what is possible, if only you want it bad enough. Vision is not so much what you think as how you think. If you can visualize it, you can make it happen.

Mackay's Moral: If you want to stay youthful, stay useful.

Merry Christmas!

CLICK HERE!
(view full screen, change speed to slowest and hit play)

2nd Annual Holiday Party

The holiday season means so much more when you're surrounded by friends and family. Jeramy and I started a tradition last year by hosting a Christmas party at our home for some of our closest friends and I hope that it continues for many more years to come. Having it in our new house makes it even more special. Thanks to all our friends who celebrated with us!

(I'm sad that I didn't take too many pics tonight. Oh well.)

Snow!

Well kind of. We haven't taken the kids to the snow yet (we plan to soon). Every time I get a huge box filled with styrofoam, I let the kids play with it and they love it. I hate having to clean-up after, but it's so worth watching them break it all apart and throw it all up in the air. It's close to the real thing...without the cold, freezing sensation.

Prayer for Serenity

I feel like I needed this today (and these past few weeks really)...

God, grant me the serenity to

Accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it;

Trusting that You will make all things right

If I surrender to your will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen

Re-evaluation...

I had to take a step back from blogging this past month because of a comment a friend made from one of my posts. She made me feel as if I didn't have a right to post my feelings online, for everyone to see. Although I can see her point (and point taken), I have to admit that it really threw me into a loop. I am a pretty open & emotional individual. But at the same time, I am also a pretty private person. I am the kind of person that needs to vent, to speak my feelings and opinions, and am pretty much a "tell it like it is" type of person. However, I do not intend anything in a malicious or hurtful manner. I don't even know why I feel the need to have to explain myself here but I just had the urge to do so. I don't want to feel guilty for posting something here that comes from my heart. I shouldn't have to feel guilty.

I subscribe to Today's Inspiration and the Quote of the Day says:

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth."
– Benjamin Disraeli

Such perfect timing to receive that in my email today...

Happy 18th Birthday Ian!

I can't believe my brother's now 18 years old. I remember the day he was born as if it was just yesterday. I was 13 years old and was very excited to finally have a little brother. Now he's graduated from HS, is (somewhat) in college and getting ready for the big bad world out there. Here's to you bro! Hope you have a great day!!

Seal's new CD out today!

SLOCountyMommies (and I) made the news (again)!

Just wanted to share...

http://www.atascaderonews.com/V2_news_articles.php?heading=0&story_id=1430&page=77

The morning after...

I don't even know what to say right now. I honestly am baffled at the chain of events that have transpired just recently, I do not even know what the right words are to use at this moment. I am truly disappointed & saddened by friends who means so much more to me than I apparently do to them. I feel like I've been used as a scapegoat to overlook their own problems with each other. I feel really hurt that they thought I was that expendable. I guess it is all my fault. It's my fault for caring and for always trying to fix problems that really isn't my problem in the first place. I guess that's where I go wrong. People come to me with their problems and I try to help them fix them. Now I'm being accused of doing something they do themselves!

"The phrase Pot calling the kettle black is an idiom, used to accuse another speaker of hypocrisy, in that the speaker disparages the subject for a fault or negative behavior that could equally be applied to him or her"

I promise to not let this get me down. I can't wait to get away from here. Thank God we're traveling this week. I need to clear my head.

But alas, life does goes on...

Happy Halloween!

Today was another busy day for the fam. It was non-stop from the time we got up at 8 am til the time we got home at 11:30 pm. I can't believe how well-behaved the kids were all day. I am so glad that they enjoyed this day as I was nearing exhaustion at the end of the night. Thank goodness for the Hixson's party. That was such a great party...great food, great company and ofcourse, the drinks. :)

Halloween is such a special day this year as it's the 1st time the kids are going trick or treating together! Connor dressed up as Darth Vader and Isabella as Princess Leia. Jeramy and I shopped at the very last minute to fix up some Jedi costumes. He found an old 60's bath robe from the thrift store which actually looked very Jedi-ish. My costume on the other hand looked very Padme-like to me but I was asked all night "What the hell are you?" so obviously others didn't see what I was seeing. Maybe a light sabre would have helped?

Anyway, we ended up carving our pumpkins right before heading out to go trick or treating. I usually have this much more organized but this month has been an exception. October has truly been the most stressful and most exhausting month for me this year. I carved my pumpkin while J carved Connor's pumpkin for him. Connor was so sweet that he carved Isabella's pumpkin for her. It's such a cute pumpkin too!

We were planning on heading over to Jen's neighborhood to join them trick-or-treating but we ended up just going around our own neighborhood. Our hood is off the shiznat! Seriously, I had no idea how cool our neighborhood was until now. 80% of the homes were decorated and our neighbors were all dressed up (except for our lovely friends across the street...yeah, you know who you are). It got dark super fast. I didn't realize how slow my kids were until going door to door. LOL. Connor was so scared of some of the homes (which he was rightfully so, as some of the houses were super duper scary!). Isabella, on the other hand, didn't really care about anything other than getting more candy. You go girl!

It was great meeting some of our neighbors. I wish they were as friendly on a regular day as they were tonight. Normally, it's very rare we even see them! But whatever, we had a lot of fun. Connor and Isabella really enjoyed themselves. As usual, I took pictures and videotaped as much as I could.

There were a TON of people in our neighborhood. It's such a new experience for us since we lived in what I consider "rural" part of A-town and we never had people knocking on our door (except for those persistent Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses...whom I welcomed with open arms, by the way). It's so nice to be able to decorate the front of the house and actually have someone other than my husband and kids see them.

I think we were home a mere 10 mins and Jeramy passed out ALL the candy within that time. Yes, it was that crazy! But he was also very generous as I told him WE HAVE TO GO! Luckily, we reached a good break in between crowds and were able to leave just in time.

The party was bangin'. The Hixsons definitely know how to throw a party. Food was yummy. We'll definitely have to get food from there from now on. It was great seeing so many people we normally don't see. It was also a weird night with friends. I think I had an epiphany tonight...life goes on.

Oh well. What matters is that J, the kids and I had a good time and I can honestly say that I am glad it is now over. Now I can start planning our mini-vacation to Phoenix and then pre-Thanksgiving with my fam down south then Thanksgiving here at the house! This month is a busy one for us. I am not looking forward to all the traveling. That's a lot of miles with kids in tow. First things first, I must sleep.

{pictures to follow}

I love my kids...

They are just the most sacred things on this earth. I look at them and wonder how they got to be so smart and so darn cute. Can't help but think that they are just the most beautiful kids in the world. :) I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm their mommy either!

More pumpkin farm fun!

I am on a mission to visit all the pumpkin farms this year. So far, we have visited two so I better get a move on huh?!

We went to Avila Barn on Friday and it felt like it was summer once again...it was HOT! It probably wasn't the smartest idea to have the fam wear black. Oops. We survived so, oh well. We invited Aunt Carol to come spend the day with us and it was really fun!

Pumpkins galore! I love fall, the changing of colors, the nice crisp air (if only this Indian Summer would end already), the opportunities to wear sweaters and coats...I LOVE COATS. I've got a gazillion of them. Can't wait for the (feeling of) fall to begin! I also can't wait go to our next field trip! I think we're gonna hit up Chesebrough Farm in Templeton next. Never been there and have heard great things about it. I'm excited!

November is the month of change...

Hubby and I have sent in our absentee ballots and we feel confident about our decisions. It's sad knowing that who we voted for will NEVER win, but it feels good knowing that we voted for someone we believed in and have similar values as we do. Too bad, so many people have to knock us down for the choice we have made. "You're just throwing away your vote!" is becoming a recurring theme amongst our social circles but you know what? If you vote for McCain, so are you my dear, so are you. If the system depended solely on popular votes then he might actually have a chance. But there's 270 electoral votes to go around and since CA is predominantly a Democratic state and is one of the states that has the highest # of electoral votes (55 electoral votes), Barack is already predicted to win. (More on the Electoral College system: http://www.kqed.org/w/youdecide/electoral_college/). BUT if it's anything like the 2004 election, he might only win by a narrow margin. Polls show that it's still a close race so we will just have to wait and see! I personally have nothing against either 2 of the main candidates, I think they both offer something the other does not. I just didn't feel comfortable filling in the circle next to either one of their names...

We walk around our neighborhood every day and am quite shocked at how many signs are posted in people's yards. I didn't realize that our neighborhood cared so much. So far, if the election was based on signage in this miniscule world we call "our block" then...McCain wins and YES on Prop 8 wins as well. I refuse to talk any more politics so I will stop right here, right now. I love debate but have no desire to argue with anyone other than my husband.

But to all those who are undecided, I urge you to RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH before you vote. It really helps to know who and what you are voting for, especially the propositions that I totally believe are meant to confuse you. I hate to say it but don't vote if you have no idea what anything means. I hate knowing that there are a mass of people out there voting (or not voting) for a candidate just because of his race or what's on his resume or because they believe all the BS people tell them, or because one side of the proposition sounds better than the other (read further into the details of the prop and you'll be surprised that you may not agree with some of the details!). So the message here is learn the right info so you can vote. Now, more than ever, it's important for people to make their voices heard! If you don't vote, you don't have a right to complain!

On a side note, what do you think of this?


November is a very important month, not only because it's election time but because it will be the beginning of what is yet to come. Everything that is going on right now will continue for years...it's not gonna end just because of a new president or certain props passed. Remember, most of economy's problems now are not just the banks' and lenders' fault, it is OUR fault as well. Most people are in financial crisis for reaching & striving for the "American Dream" that was out of reach in the first place. I don't understand why the media focuses so much on banks failing...humans have failed dearly as well. I myself am not excluded from this true catastrophe, as I too wanted to "keep up with the Joneses".

Now 6 months after purchasing a home and living well beyond our means, hubby and I finally realized it's time to take the bull by the horns and STOP everything we've been doing. You see, we never budgeted. I mean, it's one of the things the pastor talked about with us during marriage counseling before sealing the deal, but it wasn't something we thought we needed to do. Surprise surprise, 4 1/2 years later, BAM! Reality check! Up until now, we were eating out 3-4 times a week, buying anything and everything we desired, going on vacations like we were rock stars, and spoiling the hell out of our kids and ourselves. I mean, it's not like we're that deep in debt but we are spending more than we should be!

So yes, November is the month of change. WE ARE ON A BUDGET. :( No more eating out, no more splendid shopping sprees, no more traveling just for fun (visiting family OK), no more going out & waving around the credit cards like rock stars, no more! We are going to focus on NEEDS not wants, paying the bills, keeping the family happy the cheapest way possible (thank goodness we have a huge backyard!) and just spending more quality time with friends & relatives. Because that's all that really matters...having a roof above our heads, food in our tummies, making enough money to survive and being surrounded by people we love.

That means more potlucks! more girls' night ins! renting books & videos from the library! exploring the hills of the central coast! walking anywhere and everywhere a stroller can go! lots more cuddly time with kids and hubby!

We have also vowed to be more involved in the community. Ideally, we would like to find something we can do with the kids. We want the kids to learn to value life and appreciate what God has given them. We've been involved with the Zoo, Loaves & Fishes, AIDS Network, UNICEF, and other organizations in the past so we are looking for something new this year. Any suggestions?

I am really looking forward to November. Here's to living the simple life! :)

*Note to self: this post is to encourage accountability*

Sleep is overrated...

I've pretty much been an insomniac my whole life. I think it was a good way of God to train me for motherhood. I go to bed around 2-3 am every day and wake up around 7 am when my son starts pulling my arm. Getting up is a whole 'nother story though. When J's home, he's kind enough to let me sleep in (which I absolutely and truly appreciate!). He started letting me sleep in just a few weeks ago when I got sick after coming home from our cruise. I should get sick more often! LOL.

I am so glad that J has been letting me sleep in a few days a week 'cause I seriously don't know how bad life would be for the family right now if he hadn't. I have been stressing out about so many things (certain people in my life, the election, economy, money, etc) that I just can't relax! I lay awake every night praying to God just to help me be semi-functional the next day, to help me be a better mom and for world peace (amongst other things ofcourse). For some reason, being a "good" mom has been on the back of my mind a lot lately and it has been causing me a great deal of stress. We'll just save that thought for another sleepless night...

I get about 4-5 hours of sleep each night and this has been going on for many years. It's amazing how well I can function on just that alone (WITHOUT coffee, mind you). But on some days, I just don't function well at all and just veg on the couch & let the kids run amuck. I think I'm just getting old. Getting old sucks! Not only is it taking longer to lose the last 10 lbs, but I actually feel like I need sleep. So weird, thought I'd never ever say that. Being a good mom really depends on how much beauty sleep I get. It's just even more amazing that when these kids were little babies, I functioned on less than 2 hrs of sleep every day and somehow got out to go to playgroups and exposed myself to society (even when I didn't take a shower for 3 days...yikes!). It's quite fascinating what love for your children can make you do!

Did you know that studies show that people should get 8-9 hrs of sleep per night to be able to lead healthy lives? Are you kidding? 8 hrs of sleep?! WHAT is that? I remember getting 8 hrs of sleep once upon a time when I would get hungover...and man, those days are loooong gone. Well, I do have those occasional hangovers that occur oh so rarely. The ones that you wake up with and say "Gosh, I do not miss this feeling!" But still, I don't get 8 hrs of sleep on those kind of nights. The luxury of "normal" (single & kid-less) people!!

How I wish I could be part of those insomniac studies. I really want to know how badly I need sleep. I mean, my brain says I need it, my body says I need it and my conscience says I desperately should have it...but how come I can't get it? I mean, is drinking a glass of warm milk really the solution? Meditation? Sleeping pills? Isn't there some kind of device that can stop you from thinking period so that I can get some much needed Zzz's? Oh wait, that's called a TV! (and no, I refuse to believe that is the cure!)

Pumpkin Farm fun...

A few days ago, the kids and I went on a field trip to Colleen's Pumpkin Farm out in Santa Margarita. We have been going every year since Connor was born and it brings back a lot of memories for us.

I was browsing through our photos and OMG, I can't believe how much the kids have grown in a year. It's amazing how different they are, yet the same...

This year, the kids seemed to have a lot of fun. I played around with some of the pictures and made them look "better" (my tired eyes can be very deceived however) as I had a very difficult time trying to get a shot of these very rambunctious children of mine.

Friends...

So I think this is why I've been feeling a little down lately. I've been feeling really lonely lately and I can't help but wonder if I really even have any close friends? I mean, I know a lot of people & vice versa. But I just feel like everyone's just doing their own thing and involved in their own lives. While here I am, always feeling like the only one making the effort to get together & keeping in touch with them. How does that work? Isn't that a bit one sided? But then again...

I know I haven't been the greatest friend, esp since I've become a Mom. People call me and it takes me days (maybe even weeks) to call them back. Some send me emails and it takes me just as long, if not longer, to respond. I am pretty much a shitty friend. Text me though and you get a reply real quick! (don't know why that is)

I remember a time back in college when 2 good friends of mine approached me (mind you, they were pretty drunk) and pretty much yelled at me for being late AGAIN. They said that I was super selfish & how inconsiderate I was and how I don't think other people's time is as important as mine. I don't know why that has been in my mind a lot lately. I think because subconsciously, I know this is true. I am selfish and I really need to work on that. How do you undo years of selfishness?

When it comes to my kids and my husband, I don't think I'm selfish at all. But when it comes to everything else (like friendships), then I guess people would consider me pretty selfish. In my defense, however, I lived a life when I put everyone else above me first. I got to a point when I decided NO MORE. I think that was back in 2001 when I decided to transfer to Cal Poly to finish out my degree. I left my family, my friends, all the people I had ever known...to come to a place where I can have a fresh start. That was probably the most difficult decision I have ever made and probably the best one at that.

I guess my point is that I just want to strive to be a better person...a better friend especially. Now that I'm finding old friends on Facebook & Myspace, it's made me realize how sad I am that I let those friendships go, how I didn't try hard enough to keep them. I had a bestfriend from 5th grade on up whom I loved dearly and we've reconnected since HS and it just feels so good having her back in my life. I am longing to find a connection with another girl like I did with her. My bestest friends now are both men (my hubby and my buddy Paul) but it's just not the same. I can't talk my girlie talk without them always trying to find a solution to my problems (typical guys). I have my sisters too and they are freaking awesome but they're not here and I wish so badly that they lived closer. I need someone who can just sit there and listen to me vent without having to criticize or offer any answers. Then make me brownies to cheer me up. LOL. I want someone who I can call up and just be able to go and do whatever and do everything with. I hate having some of my closest friends live so far away. I'm just missing them right now. :(

(my bestfriend of 15 years, Paul)

(my good friend Jennster --- I was 8 mos preggers with Isabella!)

(my attached-at-the-hip drinking buddy Laura)

(my rock star friend Carla)

(my dearest Dawnee)

Friendships just aren't the same...

Thought I should add that I do currently have some great girlfriends. I am just not feeling all that close to them right now. :( I guess that's my cue. I should really work on fixing that!

Just another Manic Monday...

Actually I lied, it really wasn't all that manic today. We didn't do much today other than go to our Parent Participation class, which we hadn't gone to in like 3 weeks. Oh yeah, and we got to go to the Dollar Store. Woo hoo.

It's kinda crazy how uneventful my days have been since I stepped down as Event Coordinator for the Zoo back in May. I mean, let me back track and apologize for saying "uneventful" because every day with the kids & the fam is wonderful. But uneventful as in...I really don't have much on my plate. I guess for most people that's a really good thing but for me, it just doesn't make for a feeling of accomplishment. I'm bored.

These past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to think about what I wanna do when the kids are both in school next year (yikes, Connor's gonna be in kindergarten!). I have been playing around with a bunch of ideas and I normally would be jumping for joy by now with some kind of a clue, but to no avail. *sigh*

Nursing school? Nah, I hate hospitals and honestly, can't bear the thought of stepping into a hospital to WORK. Psych tech? Nah, I can't work with heavily sedated criminals. Office manager? Not enough money to make it worth my while. Go back to school to specialize in something (that Psych degree ain't gonna get me far in the working world!)? Maybe, just what!

I've been looking over the classifieds lately and sheez, talk about some lame ass jobs. There is no way I can work the kind of jobs that are posted right now. Waiting tables, answering phones, wiping butts...not my cup of tea.

I guess I've hit a point in my life (AGAIN) when I'm itching to do something. The kids are fun to hang out with all day but I am getting bored out of my mind. I like learning, adult interaction, mental stimulation, and NOT yelling all damn day long. It amazes me that I've lasted this long as a SAHM. Like really, I wasn't planning on staying as a SAHM for 4 years and here I am... complaining and people would kill to be in my position right now. Ugh, I hate feeling like that. I'm so blessed and I feel like such a b**** for even talking like this.

Update on the fam...

Speaking of updates, I guess I should talk about the fam. The fam is great and life is good for the most part. J is still with the Sheriff's Dept and loves his job (on most days) and I'm glad because I wouldn't wanna have to go look for a job right now. The economy sucks and I can't see myself working at any of the jobs posted on the Classifieds. Job-hunting would suck right now!

J and I just went on the most amazing cruise ever with his parents. It was sooooooooooo much fun. People make fun of us 'cause we went with his 'rents (they're just jealous) but they really are the best people and so cool to hang out with. The cruise was such a blast! I can't wait to go on our next one.

The kids stayed with some family and their Godmother while we were on vacation. From what they tell us (wonder if they were lying?), the kids were really good. Our kids can get pretty crazy sometimes so I was really worried but now that I hear they were "good"...we'll start planning our next vacation then. LOL.

Connor is now 4 years old and is a crazy wild banshee. He is a really intelligent kid but man, he does not run out of energy. He's like Einstein on crack. He has a very expansive vocabulary for a 4-year old and is freaking awesome at putting things together (and tearing them apart). He's very creative and loves to "try" to be independent. Key word: TRY. But he's pretty much a mama's boy and yes, it's my fault. I've spoiled him and I'm surely paying for it now.

Isabella, on the other hand, is one funny character. She simply adores her brother. She calls him "BROTHER" not by name. He follows him everywhere, does everything he does (if not better...her motor skills are freaking amazing) and loves to beat up on him. Some days he can take it but on most he just freaks out and tells on her. I just wish he would grow a pair and punch her back (ok, just kidding). But she absolutely loves her brother. She is definitely starting to act like the typical 2 year old and oh dear, does she play the part well. She screams her head off anytime she's frustrated or annoyed and is such a tomboy, climbing everything she can swing her legs over. But she is quite a mysterious girl. She's not quiet in any way but it's so hard to tell what her personality is really like because she mirrors so much of what Connor says and does. I am quite interested in seeing her grow into her own. But for now, I am just enjoying my time with my baby girl.

They are both the light(s) of my life. As a stay at home mom, I get to enjoy all the moments (they're not all enjoyable) with them and consider myself truly blessed being able to do so. Some days I wish I was working outside the home 'cause OMG, they f'ing drive me insane sometimes. But I love 'em to death and am glad I get to spend so much time with them. Plus, J is off work 3-4 days a week so we get a lot of good family quality time together. That makes me happy...

Wow, it's 2008...

It has been quite some time since I've posted on my blog. With Myspace, Facebook, and the SLOCM site to browse through...why would I need a blog? Well 'cause I get bored with the other sites and need a place to lay out my REAL thoughts. I thought writing in a real journal would be better but then I would have to keep everyone up to date with what's happening in our lives and well, getting on the phone is almost impossible with 2 screaming kids in the background. Though I am quite impressed with myself as I actually sat down and talked to one of my sisters today for more than an hour. That is quite an accomplishment while a 4-yr old and 2-yr old are staring me down, jumping on me and tugging on my hair...

October has been a really tough month so far. We went on our 7-day Mexican Riviera cruise and I came home the sickest I've been in years. It was crazy. My poor hubby had to come home from vacation and take care of 3 kids. *sigh* But I must say how f'ing wonderful he was throughout the whole week. I love that man...

I haven't worked out in 2 weeks. It's the longest I've gone in the past few months without working out. I finally started feeling better a few days ago and just got back on track with my South Beach Diet and today was ruined 'cause of a cousin's bday dinner. I need more self-control. You can't ask me if I want brownies with ice cream! The answer is always gonna be a YES.

So yeah, I have been dealing with some anxiety this past week. Which is pretty ironic since here I am trying to help out a good friend with her anxiety and then bam...I start going through it myself. WTF. I don't think I've ever really had anxiety before. I couldn't sleep, I could barely eat, my tummy ached and was the most irritable person ever. How do people deal with that on a regular basis? I couldn't stand feeling that way for longer than 3 days. It was driving me nuts!

What was the anxiety about? Well, personal shit...what else? My life in general is GREAT, no drama for the most part. But certain people in my life stress me out and I don't really know how to deal with them. Then to make matters worse, I find out a good friend of mine has been mad for me for months for something I didn't really even know I did. Sounds like "The Hills"...except I don't get paid thousands of dollars for one show and my life is fo real. There's no "CUT!" to save me from my emotions.

Anyway, why the hell am I posting all this for all to see? 'Cause I don't feel like I can really talk to anyone (well other than my hubby who has no problem telling me what he really thinks). I have good friends but none I feel really close to right now. The feeling sucks. It feels like I'm surrounded by hundreds of people yet I feel so isolated at the same time. Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? Gosh I hope not, I'm only 31!

Happy 2nd Birthday Isabella!

I just wanted to give a shout out to my baby girl who turned 2 years old today. OMG, where has the time gone? I remember the moment you entered this world and completed our family. It makes me so sad knowing that in just a year, you're gonna be in preschool.

Our little Goombah, our little booger, our little princess, our crazy monkey...we LOVE you more than words can ever say. Your brother adores you so much that he would give his left leg to save you from whatever ails you (and you little girl would take that leg and hit him on the head with it). You're a little feisty being which only makes me wonder if that's a permanent trait 'cause you try so hard to be just like your brother.

You are the most beautiful girl I have ever set my eyes upon. And honestly, it's not just because I'm your mother that I'm saying that, it's because it's true. Everyone stares at your pretty face and the luscious curls on your head and takes the time to stop me anywhere we go to tell me just how beautiful you are. You have such a good heart, even how little you are, you already know how important love is and how to show it.

Some day you will be old enough to truly understand all the things that I am saying now. You are the most amazing daughter and I thank God for having Him give you to us. We love you and wish you the best birthday today!

Weight loss journal...

First off, I'm not really one to "diet" or eat healthy. I just love food TOO much to give (the good stuff) it up. I've been trying to maintain my weight by moderation, portion control and exercise. Having 2 kids breeds activity, so that's a plus. Exercising has always been a huge part of my life. I was also blessed with a great metabolism (and luck) and ate whatever I want whenever and never really gained. Then when I got pregnant with Connor, I got into a real funk. I had the mentality of "I'm pregnant...I'm eating for two...I can eat whatever I want!" 65 lbs later, my battle with weight began. I didn't have a hard time losing the first 50 lbs but the last 15 was a toughie. I even joined Weight Watchers...only to get pregnant again a few weeks into it!

I gained another 50 lbs with Isabella and to think, I didn't nearly eat as bad as I did when I was pregnant with Connor. Surprisingly enough, I ended up at the same exact weight right before giving birth! What a coincidence!

I never thought that weight would ever again be an issue in my life but it is. I was anorexic once upon a time and luckily I got help before it got too bad. Due to my many episodes of passing out after practice, my swim coach in HS finally said something and then it hit me "Wow, I'm anorexic?" I guess in my mind I rationalized it as being something else. When in reality, I wasn't eating much and exercising a ton (I worked out 4 hrs a day!). For a long time I struggled with being called "anorexic" because I just didn't think I was...(denial is such a curse!) So it wasn't really hard to get back into becoming "healthy" again since I loved food so much. Just that one year was particularly scary because I truly honestly didn't even know I was being unhealthy at the time. But looking back...I'm like DUH!

Then several years later, I got into a pretty wild lifestyle...trying anything and everything for fun. I admit, those 2 years were definitely fun and there are some days when I think, "Gosh, it was so easy to lose a ton of weight using drugs. This trying to eat healthy & exercising is CRAP" But that moment passes and I just keep trying harder to continue doing it the right way. It just sucks to not have the same metabolism anymore!

I've been doing it the "right" way for the most part (except I can't just give up sweets, fat, junk, you know the GOOD stuff) but I will never forget the times I took the easy route. It makes me realize that I'm a much stronger person now because of it. So as I take each day one at a time, I try to make it a point to at least be active for the day so that I can shove whatever I want into my mouth! HA! I still struggle with it every day. But I am soooooooooo fricken proud of myself. It's taking me much longer than anticipated to lose the baby weight, but I'm happy to finally have some curves!!! LOL!

I'm attempting to run my 2nd 5K this coming Sunday. I am so nervous! I just feel like I'm gonna die...running is so not my forte. Swimming is definitely my thing...I even swam a 1/2 mile nonstop the other day. Woo Hoo! I'm also thinking of doing a mini-triathlon in May. Am I crazy or what?!

My final hurrah with SLOCM...

Sooo...I haven't officially announced it on the SLOCM website yet but I'm stepping down from Management completely and I'll just be a regular member from now on. WOO HOO! I am so excited. It's been over 3 years that I've been involved with the SLOCM leadership team in some way and it's time to cut loose! I'm so done with working for FREE! LOL! It was (and always will be) my baby but it's due time I let go of it and just concentrate on more important things in life. You know, like BLOGGING! haha

To all my girls...

My friend Jenn has been waiting for this blog for nearly a year now. LOL! Sorry it's taken me so long and YES, you are part of the list. So therefore, I'll start with you.

Jennster - my typical beach blonde friend (heh heh), it's been 10 years since we've been friends (WHOA)...you were always like a mom to me, only because you tried to make me listen & guide me to take the right paths (even when I kept taking the wrong ones)...you spoke your mind as you wished and that really helped me (even when all I wanted to do was slap you silly)...you are definitely my funnest, silliest, spunkiest friend...i admire all the crap you've put up with over the years and i am soooooooooo glad your dreams are finally coming true...i miss ya like crazy (i'll be seeing you soon though!)

Christine & Charmaine - you both serve a different purpose in my life, you are both so different yet so alike at the same time...i am sooooooo glad we are sisters...there are no words to explain how happy and grateful i am to have you guys in my life...out of such a dysfunctional (yet "picture perfect") family, God blessed me with such beautiful souls...i honestly don't know how sane i would be without you guys...thank you thank you thank you for everything

Jess - though we don't seem as close, you have always served a sound mind even in the midst of craziness in our lives...you have helped pave the way for me to choose what's best for me and my family...we are truly blessed to have each other as sisters, let's not lose that!

Corinne - dearest to my heart...who knew days of drinking and partying would lead to such a beautiful friendship? you are the godmother of my children for a reason...you are a true example of someone that is beautiful inside and out...i thank God for the person that you are...you make me a better friend...you are the best listener and sooo understanding of the person that i am...you are one of the bestest friends a girl could ever have...thank goodness we live minutes away from each other!

Dawn - definitely my most emotional friend, yet you bring some awesome things to the "table" of life...you make me think more...and to express my feelings in ways i never imagined...we've definitely carried some of the longest conversations ever...and the strangest ones indeed! (remember the "rabbit"? LOL!) how i wish we kept in touch more often!

Sarah - the days of partying have come and gone, but you've still kept that "partying" type of fun about you that reminds me to loosen up more often...our college days were so much more memorable because of you...you've always had sound advice even when you weren't listening to them yourself (LOL)...how i admire the fact that you've overcome such issues in your life...can't wait for the BIG day!!!

Ling & Cindy - my hot momma friends...you have made me so much happier now that we've gotten closer in the past year...every time we spend together only makes me realize how important it is to keep friendships even when you're busy being a mom! i love knowing there's always a meal in store for us somewhere anytime we hang out!!! haha! i am so thankful for finding such good friends in the midst of all the sea of moms...you guys helped me realize what was truly important in life...thank you for that...

ps
i wanted to add (though you are basically nonexistent now in my life)

Laura - my college buddy...we were inseperable...you made college life so much more memorable and bearable...the days of working out together, drinking, partying, studying, eating out, etc are all days i will always remember...i know we both now lead separate paths and i am so sad that it's gotten in the way of our friendship (you know, i'm one of the ones that got barefoot and pregnant)...i am even sadder seeing some of the type of reverse prejudicial statements you have made...i have always loved ya and will always miss you...and girl, gotta admit, you've become quite a bombshell...you go girl

Carla - if you're out there and alive, please contact me...there are so many things i want to say to you...we were friends for soooooo long...talk about inseperable! the downward spiral of the "sex, drugs, and rock & roll" lifestyle led to the inevitable end of our friendship...i am sorry that i couldn't do more...i thank God I chose LIFE---have you?...soooooooo many memories...but definitely no regrets

A day out and a long night in...

We went out for a drive to go see the wildflowers...but sadly enough, no flowers! It was dry as a dessert out there. Last year, it looked like this:

Pretty aye?

Anyways, we ended up driving to Pozo and having a little picnic. I didn't even get dressed up since I thought we'd be frolicking through the dirt and the masses of wildness but to no avail. (Hence, I look like crap)



HAHAHA...I'm just laughing at myself. I think it's so lame that I posted that other blog. Can you tell how freaking tired I am right now...but can't SLEEP?!?!?!? ARGHHHH!!!

So hmmmm...let's see. The last real blog I wrote was when I was still pregnant. WHOA, that was like ages ago. My little girl is now 6 months old and damn, she's perdy.

Born 9/8/06

Now...

Connor's such an awesome big bro. I was worried for no reason at all. He freaking adores Isabella and Isabella adores him even more. I just love watching them both interact with each other. It's such a wonderful sight to see...

(this was taken this morning)

And my hubby is such a dear for putting up with me and my shit. Not that I have a whole lot to dish out, but I know I can be such a moody beotchhh sometimes and I love the fact that he just ignores me when my multiple personalities come out. LOL! Honestly though, I couldn't have asked for a better hubby. He rocks...and it's a plus that he's so damn cute too!

I'm still a SAHM and am loving it more and more each day. I finally stepped down from the SLOCountyMommies group and just spending more time on me and the fam. I miss the leadership aspect of things but for the most part...I think I've made the best decision of letting it go. The group is doing really well though...over 600 members! Crazy...

I've got other things on my plate now...like healthy food and exercise. heh heh. Seriously though, I'm trying to focus more energy on becoming healthier and so far I've lost 37 lbs (28 more to go...SHEEZ)!!! It's an awesome feeling to be active again. I've got a 5K to run in a couple weeks...hope I don't have a heart attack during it. LOL! My next attempt is a mini-triathlon during the summer. Don't hold your breath for that one though...

Ok, so I'm gonna be working on some new projects pretty soon. Not really 100% yet on what I'm gonna do...everything is still in the "thinking" stages. But whatever it is, I know I'll do well at it as long as I put my mind to it. No prob, piece of cake! :)

Soooo glad the weather's so nice these days. I do pray for some good weeks of rain...we need it!

Daddy's little girl...

4 days later and I'm still waiting for Connor to "freak" out. But no, he's been absolutely wonderful. He always says "Hi Isabella" and wants to kiss her and be close to her all the time. It's just wonderful to see him be such a great big brother!!! My hubby is staying home for a month so I am so thankful to have him around. He has been such an emotional mess since Isabella was born. There must be something about having a little girl...Daddy's little girl. It's so wonderful to have our family be complete. These past 4 days have been sooooooooooooo great. I am so happy!!! :)

Welcome to the world Isabella!

Happy Birthday Isabella!

My Birth Story

Around 1:30 am on the morning of Sept 8th (which is a REAL strange coincidence, since this is exactly the same time labor began when I was pregnant with Connor), I felt the need to poo. I had been pooping more than usual for 3 days in a row, so I had a feeling labor was gonna start any day now. Anyhow, I go to the bathroom and right after I'm done, I just felt really anxious. My hands felt really clammy and it felt like there was a chill going through my whole body. I drank 2 full glasses of water and started having contractions. I just felt like I was freezing cold and really anxious. My heart was beating super fast and I started feeling nervous. I called Jeramy at work at around 1:45 AM and told him what was going on. I didn't want to go to the hospital quite yet because I was just so unsure about what was going on...even though I had that feeling. I just KNEW it was time. So I told him I'd call him back. I started timing the contractions and they were like 10 mins apart. I was a little bit hesitant though since I wasn't experiencing any REAL pain yet. About 20 mins later, I called him back at work and told him I think it's time. He had already called his parents (who live right down the street) and they were just waiting for my phone call. The doctor told me to just go into the hospital, considering my history of a quick labor...better safe than sorry. I was really nervous about the whole thing and even then, that whole epidural idea was starting to look really good (even though it wasn't in my birth plan). Isabella was moving like crazy in my tummy too so that's why I was just thinking I was just feeling uncomfortable. But then again, my stomach kept tightening up for longer periods of time which wasn't normal, so I guess it was time!

J's parents came over and his dad brought me to the hospital while his mom stayed with Connor at the house. I think J's dad was more nervous than I was! We got to the hospital at around 2:30 and got into a room right away. At that point, I wasn't feeling clammy or nervous anymore. J's dad to go pick J up from work (since he had carpooled) so I just sat there thinking "PLEASE GOD, don't let this baby come anytime soon". Well, I think God was listening intently at that time since Isabella took her sweet a$$ time! LOL!

By the time J got there, my contractions were 5 mins apart and I was still 4 cm dilated. I had gone to the doc a few days ago and was measured at 4 cm, 80% effaced so in the back of my mind, I was gonna go from 5 cm to 10 cm in no time, just like I did with Connor. Boy was I wrong!!!

Dr. Yin was going out of town that day so she stopped in at 6:40 am to see how I was progressing. She offered to break my water to speed up the process but I refused. I figured it had only been 5 hrs so no big deal. I'll probably be pushing in another hr, right? WRONG! I’m kinda bummed Dr. Yin didn’t deliver my baby, but then again, oh well. Around 8 am, I was finally 5 cm dilated. By that time, I was already over the whole waiting process. My contractions subsided and were sporatic by that time. They went from 5 mins apart to 3 mins apart then 8 mins apart, then all over the place. That’s when I thought…”Could this be false labor?”

The nurse came at 11 am to ask if I wanted to have my water broken by Dr. Storrer (the doc on-call). I refused. I just thought that my body would progress naturally by itself, but by noon I was so tired of waiting already (yes, I have no patience) so I told them that we’d go ahead and rupture my membranes. Dr. Storrer came in at 1 pm and broke my water with this long “knitting” needle. (It’ll be awhile before I start knitting again, that’s for sure! LOL!). It was the yuckiest feeling ever. This huge gush of water came and it just felt like I kept peeing my pants for like 2 hrs. YUCK. At 3 pm, I was 6 cm dilated.

Around 5 pm, the nurses checked me again and I was 7 cm dilated. WOO HOO! I walked around some to try to progress my labor and the contractions were coming on strong by then. I was still able to deal with the pain so it wasn’t a big deal, but I just kept thinking “What if I stay at 7 cm for several hours then 8 cm for a few more hours? I wouldn’t be able to handle that!” They had offered to give me pitocin earlier that day and I refused. I have just heard WAYYYYY to many horror stories about it, so no way. They had offered me an epidural at 5 pm and I refused then, but by 6 pm, the contractions were just getting stronger and stronger so I finally gave in and asked for one.

The anesthiologist Dr. Sherman was one funny guy. He was like, “It took you to get to 7 cm to figure out you wanted an epidural? Sheez. Don’t worry, this is gonna be the best ride of your life. You’re gonna wanna have more babies after this.” HAHAHHA! Other than the epidural shot (which was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to endure, plus the fact that I was getting contractions at the same time…”Don’t move” they said, I wanted to punch them), the whole epidural idea was a GREAT one. I was squeezing J’s hands soooooooo hard, I almost broke them! I was crying so hard by then. I was thinking what a mistake! But when the drugs finally kicked in…HOLY MOLY! I was in heaven. I can’t believe I waited that long for an epidural! I felt like I was in LA LA land. So for the next 2 hours, I just laid there as happy go lucky as can be. Actually, I was pretty happy and smiley all throughout the whole day, so I must admit I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

Anyways, I started feeling some pressure in my butt area right after they gave me the epidural. I couldn’t feel a damn thing anywhere in my lower half though. My legs, my butt, my waist area were all numb. They kept asking me to move (which was kinda dumb on their part, don’t you think?!?) and I thought I was but I barely moved. I did alright though considering. Makes me real thankful for having a normal, healthy body. I can’t imagine what it would really be like to be paralyzed! The nurse checked me at 9 pm to put an internal monitor in and that’s when she realized the baby was already at a +3 station. She kinda gave me a freakish look and said “OMG! The baby’s coming!” Next thing I know, Dr. Storrer came in along with 2 other nurses and they told me to start pushing. They had a hard time telling me WHEN to push since my contractions were coming in waves at 1 min apart. I pushed once (or what I thought was pushing, I couldn’t feel a darn thing!) and Isabella’s head came out. I didn’t realize what was going on until Jeramy started crying and everyone started yelling “SLOW DOWN! She’s already out!” Dr. Storrer didn’t think the delivery part was gonna be that fast, she hadn’t even put on her gown yet and gotten their medical table out yet. After they got everything laid out, they told me to push again and Isabella was completely out.
The doc laid her out on my belly and she just looked amazingly beautiful. She had vernix all over her face and body, and we were all gooey from touching her…but she just looked perfect. Just perfect. Anyways, I thank God for having such a beautiful, normal healthy little girl. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. We are so happy to have her here. Our family is now complete!

Potty time!

Gosh, it's been a long while since I've written anything in here. How sad! There's just more important things to do these days. haha! Anyways, our little boy is growing up! Today he went wee wee on the potty for the 1st time!!! He actually initiated the whole thing himself. We were getting his bath ready when he reached down and grabbed his pants. Then he says, "Momma, Connor needs to go potty." I didn't think anything of it since sometimes he says that just for fun. So I take his pants off and seat him down on the potty. I'm sitting there next to him making the "ssshhhhh ssshhh" sound to encourage him to pee. Next thing I know, his little potty machine starts singing "Yay! You went potty..." He then asks me for toilet paper so I hand it to him, he wipes, then stands up. I look down and there it is...PEEEEEE!!! Yay! I was so incredibly happy, I couldn't contain myself. You have no idea how long ago we introduced this whole potty thing to him and he has had no interest whatsoever. I mean, he'll play pretend and play with his little potty machine but has never really taken it seriously enough. We don't push him or anything since it's really up to him. So yeah, after he wipes, he pushes down the little flush thing and I just kissed and hugged him for like 5 mins. I was so stoked. So I take the little potty cup out and pour down the pee in the toilet and flushed it down the toilet. After I washed the little potty cup, I took his little hand and ran to the kitchen with him. "You get a popsicle for being such a big boy. You went potty!!!" He was sooooooo happy. I can tell he was just feeling so proud. I had to call Jeramy ofcourse and that made Connor even happier to hear how excited I was to tell Daddy. Anyways, I am soooooooooo happy that this has happened (can't you tell?). I have been reading books about potty training to him for months now and he got the whole notion, but it was just so nice to see everything being implemented in real life. What a big boy! To top it all off, after our bedtime routine (play music, read books, kisses and hugs, tucking in, etc)...I was on my way to leaving the room and as I was saying "Nite nite Connor, I love you...I'll see ya tomorrow". He proceeds to tell me that I need to put his baby gate up so I can't come in to wake him up. Can you freaking believe it? We've been leaving the gate down because he's been waking up in the middle of the night every night for the past few weeks. I really think he knows that the baby is coming really soon since he's been acting up lately and become really clingy again. But then again, he's acting like such a big boy too...like he says "I'm a big brother!". Gosh, I am so proud of him. I can't even explain in words how good it feels to have such a wonderful loving boy...

What's going on with...

So I technically had my appt yesterday but they cancelled it when I got there, because the doc was delivering a baby at the hospital. No biggie, except it would have been nice to know beforehand before wasting gas. Oh well. Anyways, I saw the doc today and apparently I've dilated even more. I am now 4-5 cm dilated, still 80% effaced and the baby is at -2 station. She keeps saying how surprised she is that I haven't delivered my baby yet. Well, I think that Isabella's pretty smart for not wanting to come out. It's warm and cozy in there! LOL! I have been feeling contractions here and there, some are pretty scary considering I have been feeling some back pain with some of them...but nothing regular. I have been pooin' a lot more than usual too so I think the baby's just pushing on my intestines and it's just getting really cramped in there. I just hope that once I do go into labor, that Jeramy is home. I'd rather have him take me to the hospital than anyone else. My inlaws and all my friends have been kind enough to offer to drive me to the hospital, if need be, but there's something about the idea of my own husband just being there in my time of need. I just wonder when it's all gonna happen? I wonder if it's gonna be in the middle of the night like Connor or during the day while I'm out and about? I can't believe I'll be having this baby in less than 2 weeks. NUTS! I am so excited though. I can't wait to meet little Isabella. I am contemplating whether or not to call her Izzie or Bella, since Connor keeps calling her Bella. I don't know why this is even a big deal but I think it's important that we take Connor's "opinion" into consideration. I love how he talks to my belly and gives it hugs and kisses. It's not too often that Jeramy has touched my belly or talked to Isabella, which kind of makes me sad but oh well...what can I do? I can't force him. I think there's just something about it not being "real" to him until the baby is actually here. It kinda makes me sad too that he hasn't really taken the time to videotape or take pics of my belly, so I had to hire a professional to do it. But then again, it's like pulling teeth with that man to get him to take ANY pictures anyway. I had my maternity session last Friday and it went great! I hired my friend's sister in law and it was her 1st time taking photos of a pregnant chick, so we were both new at it. She usually takes wedding photographs and I like her style, so I was all about being the guinea pig for her. The session lasted 3 1/2 hrs. We were supposed to go to Montana de Oro beach in Los Osos but it was too foggy so we ended up driving around to find cool places to get photos done. We went to this placed called La Familia Ranch and then out to Avila Beach (which there was a Shark Watch warning for the day). I think the photos will turn out pretty good!! She's sending over the CD with all the pics in a few days. I'm pretty excited. I felt like a STAR for a day. LOL!

Weight gain journal...

Month 1: 147 lbs
Month 2: 150
Month 3: 154
Month 4: 157
Month 5: 161
Month 6 appt: 167
Month 7 appt: 172
July 25: 178
August 7: 184
September 1: 188

Update on my Pregnancy

So I had my 37 week appt yesterday morning and had my 1st internal exam since the very beginning of the pregnancy. Apparently, I'm already 3-4 cm dilated and 80% effaced so I can technically go any day now. I was 4-5 cm dilated and 80% effaced for 3 weeks when I was pregnant with Connor and technically, I delivered 2 weeks early. Only because at my last ultrasound last time, I had my EDD changed from July 6th to June 26th (he was born on the 22nd) & when he was born, the pediatrician says according to his "Ballard age" that he was a week late (really long nails, dry skin, no blood or lanugo on him when born --- really "clean", really hairy, etc).

But anyways, my OB says that on average that the 2nd baby is born faster. She wants to induce me on Sept 14th because she doesn't want me to risk having the baby in the car. LOL! She keeps joking about how I don't wanna make front page news! My labor & delivery was a total of 3 hrs with Connor, only an 1 1/2 hr of it was at the hospital. I went from 5 cm at 3:00 am when we checked in at the hospital and went to 10 cm at 4 am... and I delivered at 4:42 am. So I'm scared that I might not make it in time!

I guess my point is this: I am hoping to have a 100% natural birth again (vaginal, no drugs, no induction, etc) but if induction means not risking having the baby in the car or at home, then should I go for it? I mean, I COULD have this baby any day now but is inducing really the right answer IF I don't give birth by the 14th? I don't know what to think considering I'm really against inducing in the first place. I am just getting paranoid now thta I might not make it in time to the hospital. And to think, the doc might just wanna induce to make sure she's getting paid. UGH!