November is the month of change...

Hubby and I have sent in our absentee ballots and we feel confident about our decisions. It's sad knowing that who we voted for will NEVER win, but it feels good knowing that we voted for someone we believed in and have similar values as we do. Too bad, so many people have to knock us down for the choice we have made. "You're just throwing away your vote!" is becoming a recurring theme amongst our social circles but you know what? If you vote for McCain, so are you my dear, so are you. If the system depended solely on popular votes then he might actually have a chance. But there's 270 electoral votes to go around and since CA is predominantly a Democratic state and is one of the states that has the highest # of electoral votes (55 electoral votes), Barack is already predicted to win. (More on the Electoral College system: http://www.kqed.org/w/youdecide/electoral_college/). BUT if it's anything like the 2004 election, he might only win by a narrow margin. Polls show that it's still a close race so we will just have to wait and see! I personally have nothing against either 2 of the main candidates, I think they both offer something the other does not. I just didn't feel comfortable filling in the circle next to either one of their names...

We walk around our neighborhood every day and am quite shocked at how many signs are posted in people's yards. I didn't realize that our neighborhood cared so much. So far, if the election was based on signage in this miniscule world we call "our block" then...McCain wins and YES on Prop 8 wins as well. I refuse to talk any more politics so I will stop right here, right now. I love debate but have no desire to argue with anyone other than my husband.

But to all those who are undecided, I urge you to RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH before you vote. It really helps to know who and what you are voting for, especially the propositions that I totally believe are meant to confuse you. I hate to say it but don't vote if you have no idea what anything means. I hate knowing that there are a mass of people out there voting (or not voting) for a candidate just because of his race or what's on his resume or because they believe all the BS people tell them, or because one side of the proposition sounds better than the other (read further into the details of the prop and you'll be surprised that you may not agree with some of the details!). So the message here is learn the right info so you can vote. Now, more than ever, it's important for people to make their voices heard! If you don't vote, you don't have a right to complain!

On a side note, what do you think of this?


November is a very important month, not only because it's election time but because it will be the beginning of what is yet to come. Everything that is going on right now will continue for years...it's not gonna end just because of a new president or certain props passed. Remember, most of economy's problems now are not just the banks' and lenders' fault, it is OUR fault as well. Most people are in financial crisis for reaching & striving for the "American Dream" that was out of reach in the first place. I don't understand why the media focuses so much on banks failing...humans have failed dearly as well. I myself am not excluded from this true catastrophe, as I too wanted to "keep up with the Joneses".

Now 6 months after purchasing a home and living well beyond our means, hubby and I finally realized it's time to take the bull by the horns and STOP everything we've been doing. You see, we never budgeted. I mean, it's one of the things the pastor talked about with us during marriage counseling before sealing the deal, but it wasn't something we thought we needed to do. Surprise surprise, 4 1/2 years later, BAM! Reality check! Up until now, we were eating out 3-4 times a week, buying anything and everything we desired, going on vacations like we were rock stars, and spoiling the hell out of our kids and ourselves. I mean, it's not like we're that deep in debt but we are spending more than we should be!

So yes, November is the month of change. WE ARE ON A BUDGET. :( No more eating out, no more splendid shopping sprees, no more traveling just for fun (visiting family OK), no more going out & waving around the credit cards like rock stars, no more! We are going to focus on NEEDS not wants, paying the bills, keeping the family happy the cheapest way possible (thank goodness we have a huge backyard!) and just spending more quality time with friends & relatives. Because that's all that really matters...having a roof above our heads, food in our tummies, making enough money to survive and being surrounded by people we love.

That means more potlucks! more girls' night ins! renting books & videos from the library! exploring the hills of the central coast! walking anywhere and everywhere a stroller can go! lots more cuddly time with kids and hubby!

We have also vowed to be more involved in the community. Ideally, we would like to find something we can do with the kids. We want the kids to learn to value life and appreciate what God has given them. We've been involved with the Zoo, Loaves & Fishes, AIDS Network, UNICEF, and other organizations in the past so we are looking for something new this year. Any suggestions?

I am really looking forward to November. Here's to living the simple life! :)

*Note to self: this post is to encourage accountability*

Sleep is overrated...

I've pretty much been an insomniac my whole life. I think it was a good way of God to train me for motherhood. I go to bed around 2-3 am every day and wake up around 7 am when my son starts pulling my arm. Getting up is a whole 'nother story though. When J's home, he's kind enough to let me sleep in (which I absolutely and truly appreciate!). He started letting me sleep in just a few weeks ago when I got sick after coming home from our cruise. I should get sick more often! LOL.

I am so glad that J has been letting me sleep in a few days a week 'cause I seriously don't know how bad life would be for the family right now if he hadn't. I have been stressing out about so many things (certain people in my life, the election, economy, money, etc) that I just can't relax! I lay awake every night praying to God just to help me be semi-functional the next day, to help me be a better mom and for world peace (amongst other things ofcourse). For some reason, being a "good" mom has been on the back of my mind a lot lately and it has been causing me a great deal of stress. We'll just save that thought for another sleepless night...

I get about 4-5 hours of sleep each night and this has been going on for many years. It's amazing how well I can function on just that alone (WITHOUT coffee, mind you). But on some days, I just don't function well at all and just veg on the couch & let the kids run amuck. I think I'm just getting old. Getting old sucks! Not only is it taking longer to lose the last 10 lbs, but I actually feel like I need sleep. So weird, thought I'd never ever say that. Being a good mom really depends on how much beauty sleep I get. It's just even more amazing that when these kids were little babies, I functioned on less than 2 hrs of sleep every day and somehow got out to go to playgroups and exposed myself to society (even when I didn't take a shower for 3 days...yikes!). It's quite fascinating what love for your children can make you do!

Did you know that studies show that people should get 8-9 hrs of sleep per night to be able to lead healthy lives? Are you kidding? 8 hrs of sleep?! WHAT is that? I remember getting 8 hrs of sleep once upon a time when I would get hungover...and man, those days are loooong gone. Well, I do have those occasional hangovers that occur oh so rarely. The ones that you wake up with and say "Gosh, I do not miss this feeling!" But still, I don't get 8 hrs of sleep on those kind of nights. The luxury of "normal" (single & kid-less) people!!

How I wish I could be part of those insomniac studies. I really want to know how badly I need sleep. I mean, my brain says I need it, my body says I need it and my conscience says I desperately should have it...but how come I can't get it? I mean, is drinking a glass of warm milk really the solution? Meditation? Sleeping pills? Isn't there some kind of device that can stop you from thinking period so that I can get some much needed Zzz's? Oh wait, that's called a TV! (and no, I refuse to believe that is the cure!)

Pumpkin Farm fun...

A few days ago, the kids and I went on a field trip to Colleen's Pumpkin Farm out in Santa Margarita. We have been going every year since Connor was born and it brings back a lot of memories for us.

I was browsing through our photos and OMG, I can't believe how much the kids have grown in a year. It's amazing how different they are, yet the same...

This year, the kids seemed to have a lot of fun. I played around with some of the pictures and made them look "better" (my tired eyes can be very deceived however) as I had a very difficult time trying to get a shot of these very rambunctious children of mine.

Friends...

So I think this is why I've been feeling a little down lately. I've been feeling really lonely lately and I can't help but wonder if I really even have any close friends? I mean, I know a lot of people & vice versa. But I just feel like everyone's just doing their own thing and involved in their own lives. While here I am, always feeling like the only one making the effort to get together & keeping in touch with them. How does that work? Isn't that a bit one sided? But then again...

I know I haven't been the greatest friend, esp since I've become a Mom. People call me and it takes me days (maybe even weeks) to call them back. Some send me emails and it takes me just as long, if not longer, to respond. I am pretty much a shitty friend. Text me though and you get a reply real quick! (don't know why that is)

I remember a time back in college when 2 good friends of mine approached me (mind you, they were pretty drunk) and pretty much yelled at me for being late AGAIN. They said that I was super selfish & how inconsiderate I was and how I don't think other people's time is as important as mine. I don't know why that has been in my mind a lot lately. I think because subconsciously, I know this is true. I am selfish and I really need to work on that. How do you undo years of selfishness?

When it comes to my kids and my husband, I don't think I'm selfish at all. But when it comes to everything else (like friendships), then I guess people would consider me pretty selfish. In my defense, however, I lived a life when I put everyone else above me first. I got to a point when I decided NO MORE. I think that was back in 2001 when I decided to transfer to Cal Poly to finish out my degree. I left my family, my friends, all the people I had ever known...to come to a place where I can have a fresh start. That was probably the most difficult decision I have ever made and probably the best one at that.

I guess my point is that I just want to strive to be a better person...a better friend especially. Now that I'm finding old friends on Facebook & Myspace, it's made me realize how sad I am that I let those friendships go, how I didn't try hard enough to keep them. I had a bestfriend from 5th grade on up whom I loved dearly and we've reconnected since HS and it just feels so good having her back in my life. I am longing to find a connection with another girl like I did with her. My bestest friends now are both men (my hubby and my buddy Paul) but it's just not the same. I can't talk my girlie talk without them always trying to find a solution to my problems (typical guys). I have my sisters too and they are freaking awesome but they're not here and I wish so badly that they lived closer. I need someone who can just sit there and listen to me vent without having to criticize or offer any answers. Then make me brownies to cheer me up. LOL. I want someone who I can call up and just be able to go and do whatever and do everything with. I hate having some of my closest friends live so far away. I'm just missing them right now. :(

(my bestfriend of 15 years, Paul)

(my good friend Jennster --- I was 8 mos preggers with Isabella!)

(my attached-at-the-hip drinking buddy Laura)

(my rock star friend Carla)

(my dearest Dawnee)

Friendships just aren't the same...

Thought I should add that I do currently have some great girlfriends. I am just not feeling all that close to them right now. :( I guess that's my cue. I should really work on fixing that!

Just another Manic Monday...

Actually I lied, it really wasn't all that manic today. We didn't do much today other than go to our Parent Participation class, which we hadn't gone to in like 3 weeks. Oh yeah, and we got to go to the Dollar Store. Woo hoo.

It's kinda crazy how uneventful my days have been since I stepped down as Event Coordinator for the Zoo back in May. I mean, let me back track and apologize for saying "uneventful" because every day with the kids & the fam is wonderful. But uneventful as in...I really don't have much on my plate. I guess for most people that's a really good thing but for me, it just doesn't make for a feeling of accomplishment. I'm bored.

These past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to think about what I wanna do when the kids are both in school next year (yikes, Connor's gonna be in kindergarten!). I have been playing around with a bunch of ideas and I normally would be jumping for joy by now with some kind of a clue, but to no avail. *sigh*

Nursing school? Nah, I hate hospitals and honestly, can't bear the thought of stepping into a hospital to WORK. Psych tech? Nah, I can't work with heavily sedated criminals. Office manager? Not enough money to make it worth my while. Go back to school to specialize in something (that Psych degree ain't gonna get me far in the working world!)? Maybe, just what!

I've been looking over the classifieds lately and sheez, talk about some lame ass jobs. There is no way I can work the kind of jobs that are posted right now. Waiting tables, answering phones, wiping butts...not my cup of tea.

I guess I've hit a point in my life (AGAIN) when I'm itching to do something. The kids are fun to hang out with all day but I am getting bored out of my mind. I like learning, adult interaction, mental stimulation, and NOT yelling all damn day long. It amazes me that I've lasted this long as a SAHM. Like really, I wasn't planning on staying as a SAHM for 4 years and here I am... complaining and people would kill to be in my position right now. Ugh, I hate feeling like that. I'm so blessed and I feel like such a b**** for even talking like this.

Update on the fam...

Speaking of updates, I guess I should talk about the fam. The fam is great and life is good for the most part. J is still with the Sheriff's Dept and loves his job (on most days) and I'm glad because I wouldn't wanna have to go look for a job right now. The economy sucks and I can't see myself working at any of the jobs posted on the Classifieds. Job-hunting would suck right now!

J and I just went on the most amazing cruise ever with his parents. It was sooooooooooo much fun. People make fun of us 'cause we went with his 'rents (they're just jealous) but they really are the best people and so cool to hang out with. The cruise was such a blast! I can't wait to go on our next one.

The kids stayed with some family and their Godmother while we were on vacation. From what they tell us (wonder if they were lying?), the kids were really good. Our kids can get pretty crazy sometimes so I was really worried but now that I hear they were "good"...we'll start planning our next vacation then. LOL.

Connor is now 4 years old and is a crazy wild banshee. He is a really intelligent kid but man, he does not run out of energy. He's like Einstein on crack. He has a very expansive vocabulary for a 4-year old and is freaking awesome at putting things together (and tearing them apart). He's very creative and loves to "try" to be independent. Key word: TRY. But he's pretty much a mama's boy and yes, it's my fault. I've spoiled him and I'm surely paying for it now.

Isabella, on the other hand, is one funny character. She simply adores her brother. She calls him "BROTHER" not by name. He follows him everywhere, does everything he does (if not better...her motor skills are freaking amazing) and loves to beat up on him. Some days he can take it but on most he just freaks out and tells on her. I just wish he would grow a pair and punch her back (ok, just kidding). But she absolutely loves her brother. She is definitely starting to act like the typical 2 year old and oh dear, does she play the part well. She screams her head off anytime she's frustrated or annoyed and is such a tomboy, climbing everything she can swing her legs over. But she is quite a mysterious girl. She's not quiet in any way but it's so hard to tell what her personality is really like because she mirrors so much of what Connor says and does. I am quite interested in seeing her grow into her own. But for now, I am just enjoying my time with my baby girl.

They are both the light(s) of my life. As a stay at home mom, I get to enjoy all the moments (they're not all enjoyable) with them and consider myself truly blessed being able to do so. Some days I wish I was working outside the home 'cause OMG, they f'ing drive me insane sometimes. But I love 'em to death and am glad I get to spend so much time with them. Plus, J is off work 3-4 days a week so we get a lot of good family quality time together. That makes me happy...

Wow, it's 2008...

It has been quite some time since I've posted on my blog. With Myspace, Facebook, and the SLOCM site to browse through...why would I need a blog? Well 'cause I get bored with the other sites and need a place to lay out my REAL thoughts. I thought writing in a real journal would be better but then I would have to keep everyone up to date with what's happening in our lives and well, getting on the phone is almost impossible with 2 screaming kids in the background. Though I am quite impressed with myself as I actually sat down and talked to one of my sisters today for more than an hour. That is quite an accomplishment while a 4-yr old and 2-yr old are staring me down, jumping on me and tugging on my hair...

October has been a really tough month so far. We went on our 7-day Mexican Riviera cruise and I came home the sickest I've been in years. It was crazy. My poor hubby had to come home from vacation and take care of 3 kids. *sigh* But I must say how f'ing wonderful he was throughout the whole week. I love that man...

I haven't worked out in 2 weeks. It's the longest I've gone in the past few months without working out. I finally started feeling better a few days ago and just got back on track with my South Beach Diet and today was ruined 'cause of a cousin's bday dinner. I need more self-control. You can't ask me if I want brownies with ice cream! The answer is always gonna be a YES.

So yeah, I have been dealing with some anxiety this past week. Which is pretty ironic since here I am trying to help out a good friend with her anxiety and then bam...I start going through it myself. WTF. I don't think I've ever really had anxiety before. I couldn't sleep, I could barely eat, my tummy ached and was the most irritable person ever. How do people deal with that on a regular basis? I couldn't stand feeling that way for longer than 3 days. It was driving me nuts!

What was the anxiety about? Well, personal shit...what else? My life in general is GREAT, no drama for the most part. But certain people in my life stress me out and I don't really know how to deal with them. Then to make matters worse, I find out a good friend of mine has been mad for me for months for something I didn't really even know I did. Sounds like "The Hills"...except I don't get paid thousands of dollars for one show and my life is fo real. There's no "CUT!" to save me from my emotions.

Anyway, why the hell am I posting all this for all to see? 'Cause I don't feel like I can really talk to anyone (well other than my hubby who has no problem telling me what he really thinks). I have good friends but none I feel really close to right now. The feeling sucks. It feels like I'm surrounded by hundreds of people yet I feel so isolated at the same time. Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? Gosh I hope not, I'm only 31!

Happy 2nd Birthday Isabella!

I just wanted to give a shout out to my baby girl who turned 2 years old today. OMG, where has the time gone? I remember the moment you entered this world and completed our family. It makes me so sad knowing that in just a year, you're gonna be in preschool.

Our little Goombah, our little booger, our little princess, our crazy monkey...we LOVE you more than words can ever say. Your brother adores you so much that he would give his left leg to save you from whatever ails you (and you little girl would take that leg and hit him on the head with it). You're a little feisty being which only makes me wonder if that's a permanent trait 'cause you try so hard to be just like your brother.

You are the most beautiful girl I have ever set my eyes upon. And honestly, it's not just because I'm your mother that I'm saying that, it's because it's true. Everyone stares at your pretty face and the luscious curls on your head and takes the time to stop me anywhere we go to tell me just how beautiful you are. You have such a good heart, even how little you are, you already know how important love is and how to show it.

Some day you will be old enough to truly understand all the things that I am saying now. You are the most amazing daughter and I thank God for having Him give you to us. We love you and wish you the best birthday today!

Weight loss journal...

First off, I'm not really one to "diet" or eat healthy. I just love food TOO much to give (the good stuff) it up. I've been trying to maintain my weight by moderation, portion control and exercise. Having 2 kids breeds activity, so that's a plus. Exercising has always been a huge part of my life. I was also blessed with a great metabolism (and luck) and ate whatever I want whenever and never really gained. Then when I got pregnant with Connor, I got into a real funk. I had the mentality of "I'm pregnant...I'm eating for two...I can eat whatever I want!" 65 lbs later, my battle with weight began. I didn't have a hard time losing the first 50 lbs but the last 15 was a toughie. I even joined Weight Watchers...only to get pregnant again a few weeks into it!

I gained another 50 lbs with Isabella and to think, I didn't nearly eat as bad as I did when I was pregnant with Connor. Surprisingly enough, I ended up at the same exact weight right before giving birth! What a coincidence!

I never thought that weight would ever again be an issue in my life but it is. I was anorexic once upon a time and luckily I got help before it got too bad. Due to my many episodes of passing out after practice, my swim coach in HS finally said something and then it hit me "Wow, I'm anorexic?" I guess in my mind I rationalized it as being something else. When in reality, I wasn't eating much and exercising a ton (I worked out 4 hrs a day!). For a long time I struggled with being called "anorexic" because I just didn't think I was...(denial is such a curse!) So it wasn't really hard to get back into becoming "healthy" again since I loved food so much. Just that one year was particularly scary because I truly honestly didn't even know I was being unhealthy at the time. But looking back...I'm like DUH!

Then several years later, I got into a pretty wild lifestyle...trying anything and everything for fun. I admit, those 2 years were definitely fun and there are some days when I think, "Gosh, it was so easy to lose a ton of weight using drugs. This trying to eat healthy & exercising is CRAP" But that moment passes and I just keep trying harder to continue doing it the right way. It just sucks to not have the same metabolism anymore!

I've been doing it the "right" way for the most part (except I can't just give up sweets, fat, junk, you know the GOOD stuff) but I will never forget the times I took the easy route. It makes me realize that I'm a much stronger person now because of it. So as I take each day one at a time, I try to make it a point to at least be active for the day so that I can shove whatever I want into my mouth! HA! I still struggle with it every day. But I am soooooooooo fricken proud of myself. It's taking me much longer than anticipated to lose the baby weight, but I'm happy to finally have some curves!!! LOL!

I'm attempting to run my 2nd 5K this coming Sunday. I am so nervous! I just feel like I'm gonna die...running is so not my forte. Swimming is definitely my thing...I even swam a 1/2 mile nonstop the other day. Woo Hoo! I'm also thinking of doing a mini-triathlon in May. Am I crazy or what?!

My final hurrah with SLOCM...

Sooo...I haven't officially announced it on the SLOCM website yet but I'm stepping down from Management completely and I'll just be a regular member from now on. WOO HOO! I am so excited. It's been over 3 years that I've been involved with the SLOCM leadership team in some way and it's time to cut loose! I'm so done with working for FREE! LOL! It was (and always will be) my baby but it's due time I let go of it and just concentrate on more important things in life. You know, like BLOGGING! haha

To all my girls...

My friend Jenn has been waiting for this blog for nearly a year now. LOL! Sorry it's taken me so long and YES, you are part of the list. So therefore, I'll start with you.

Jennster - my typical beach blonde friend (heh heh), it's been 10 years since we've been friends (WHOA)...you were always like a mom to me, only because you tried to make me listen & guide me to take the right paths (even when I kept taking the wrong ones)...you spoke your mind as you wished and that really helped me (even when all I wanted to do was slap you silly)...you are definitely my funnest, silliest, spunkiest friend...i admire all the crap you've put up with over the years and i am soooooooooo glad your dreams are finally coming true...i miss ya like crazy (i'll be seeing you soon though!)

Christine & Charmaine - you both serve a different purpose in my life, you are both so different yet so alike at the same time...i am sooooooo glad we are sisters...there are no words to explain how happy and grateful i am to have you guys in my life...out of such a dysfunctional (yet "picture perfect") family, God blessed me with such beautiful souls...i honestly don't know how sane i would be without you guys...thank you thank you thank you for everything

Jess - though we don't seem as close, you have always served a sound mind even in the midst of craziness in our lives...you have helped pave the way for me to choose what's best for me and my family...we are truly blessed to have each other as sisters, let's not lose that!

Corinne - dearest to my heart...who knew days of drinking and partying would lead to such a beautiful friendship? you are the godmother of my children for a reason...you are a true example of someone that is beautiful inside and out...i thank God for the person that you are...you make me a better friend...you are the best listener and sooo understanding of the person that i am...you are one of the bestest friends a girl could ever have...thank goodness we live minutes away from each other!

Dawn - definitely my most emotional friend, yet you bring some awesome things to the "table" of life...you make me think more...and to express my feelings in ways i never imagined...we've definitely carried some of the longest conversations ever...and the strangest ones indeed! (remember the "rabbit"? LOL!) how i wish we kept in touch more often!

Sarah - the days of partying have come and gone, but you've still kept that "partying" type of fun about you that reminds me to loosen up more often...our college days were so much more memorable because of you...you've always had sound advice even when you weren't listening to them yourself (LOL)...how i admire the fact that you've overcome such issues in your life...can't wait for the BIG day!!!

Ling & Cindy - my hot momma friends...you have made me so much happier now that we've gotten closer in the past year...every time we spend together only makes me realize how important it is to keep friendships even when you're busy being a mom! i love knowing there's always a meal in store for us somewhere anytime we hang out!!! haha! i am so thankful for finding such good friends in the midst of all the sea of moms...you guys helped me realize what was truly important in life...thank you for that...

ps
i wanted to add (though you are basically nonexistent now in my life)

Laura - my college buddy...we were inseperable...you made college life so much more memorable and bearable...the days of working out together, drinking, partying, studying, eating out, etc are all days i will always remember...i know we both now lead separate paths and i am so sad that it's gotten in the way of our friendship (you know, i'm one of the ones that got barefoot and pregnant)...i am even sadder seeing some of the type of reverse prejudicial statements you have made...i have always loved ya and will always miss you...and girl, gotta admit, you've become quite a bombshell...you go girl

Carla - if you're out there and alive, please contact me...there are so many things i want to say to you...we were friends for soooooo long...talk about inseperable! the downward spiral of the "sex, drugs, and rock & roll" lifestyle led to the inevitable end of our friendship...i am sorry that i couldn't do more...i thank God I chose LIFE---have you?...soooooooo many memories...but definitely no regrets

A day out and a long night in...

We went out for a drive to go see the wildflowers...but sadly enough, no flowers! It was dry as a dessert out there. Last year, it looked like this:

Pretty aye?

Anyways, we ended up driving to Pozo and having a little picnic. I didn't even get dressed up since I thought we'd be frolicking through the dirt and the masses of wildness but to no avail. (Hence, I look like crap)



HAHAHA...I'm just laughing at myself. I think it's so lame that I posted that other blog. Can you tell how freaking tired I am right now...but can't SLEEP?!?!?!? ARGHHHH!!!

So hmmmm...let's see. The last real blog I wrote was when I was still pregnant. WHOA, that was like ages ago. My little girl is now 6 months old and damn, she's perdy.

Born 9/8/06

Now...

Connor's such an awesome big bro. I was worried for no reason at all. He freaking adores Isabella and Isabella adores him even more. I just love watching them both interact with each other. It's such a wonderful sight to see...

(this was taken this morning)

And my hubby is such a dear for putting up with me and my shit. Not that I have a whole lot to dish out, but I know I can be such a moody beotchhh sometimes and I love the fact that he just ignores me when my multiple personalities come out. LOL! Honestly though, I couldn't have asked for a better hubby. He rocks...and it's a plus that he's so damn cute too!

I'm still a SAHM and am loving it more and more each day. I finally stepped down from the SLOCountyMommies group and just spending more time on me and the fam. I miss the leadership aspect of things but for the most part...I think I've made the best decision of letting it go. The group is doing really well though...over 600 members! Crazy...

I've got other things on my plate now...like healthy food and exercise. heh heh. Seriously though, I'm trying to focus more energy on becoming healthier and so far I've lost 37 lbs (28 more to go...SHEEZ)!!! It's an awesome feeling to be active again. I've got a 5K to run in a couple weeks...hope I don't have a heart attack during it. LOL! My next attempt is a mini-triathlon during the summer. Don't hold your breath for that one though...

Ok, so I'm gonna be working on some new projects pretty soon. Not really 100% yet on what I'm gonna do...everything is still in the "thinking" stages. But whatever it is, I know I'll do well at it as long as I put my mind to it. No prob, piece of cake! :)

Soooo glad the weather's so nice these days. I do pray for some good weeks of rain...we need it!

Daddy's little girl...

4 days later and I'm still waiting for Connor to "freak" out. But no, he's been absolutely wonderful. He always says "Hi Isabella" and wants to kiss her and be close to her all the time. It's just wonderful to see him be such a great big brother!!! My hubby is staying home for a month so I am so thankful to have him around. He has been such an emotional mess since Isabella was born. There must be something about having a little girl...Daddy's little girl. It's so wonderful to have our family be complete. These past 4 days have been sooooooooooooo great. I am so happy!!! :)

Welcome to the world Isabella!

Happy Birthday Isabella!

My Birth Story

Around 1:30 am on the morning of Sept 8th (which is a REAL strange coincidence, since this is exactly the same time labor began when I was pregnant with Connor), I felt the need to poo. I had been pooping more than usual for 3 days in a row, so I had a feeling labor was gonna start any day now. Anyhow, I go to the bathroom and right after I'm done, I just felt really anxious. My hands felt really clammy and it felt like there was a chill going through my whole body. I drank 2 full glasses of water and started having contractions. I just felt like I was freezing cold and really anxious. My heart was beating super fast and I started feeling nervous. I called Jeramy at work at around 1:45 AM and told him what was going on. I didn't want to go to the hospital quite yet because I was just so unsure about what was going on...even though I had that feeling. I just KNEW it was time. So I told him I'd call him back. I started timing the contractions and they were like 10 mins apart. I was a little bit hesitant though since I wasn't experiencing any REAL pain yet. About 20 mins later, I called him back at work and told him I think it's time. He had already called his parents (who live right down the street) and they were just waiting for my phone call. The doctor told me to just go into the hospital, considering my history of a quick labor...better safe than sorry. I was really nervous about the whole thing and even then, that whole epidural idea was starting to look really good (even though it wasn't in my birth plan). Isabella was moving like crazy in my tummy too so that's why I was just thinking I was just feeling uncomfortable. But then again, my stomach kept tightening up for longer periods of time which wasn't normal, so I guess it was time!

J's parents came over and his dad brought me to the hospital while his mom stayed with Connor at the house. I think J's dad was more nervous than I was! We got to the hospital at around 2:30 and got into a room right away. At that point, I wasn't feeling clammy or nervous anymore. J's dad to go pick J up from work (since he had carpooled) so I just sat there thinking "PLEASE GOD, don't let this baby come anytime soon". Well, I think God was listening intently at that time since Isabella took her sweet a$$ time! LOL!

By the time J got there, my contractions were 5 mins apart and I was still 4 cm dilated. I had gone to the doc a few days ago and was measured at 4 cm, 80% effaced so in the back of my mind, I was gonna go from 5 cm to 10 cm in no time, just like I did with Connor. Boy was I wrong!!!

Dr. Yin was going out of town that day so she stopped in at 6:40 am to see how I was progressing. She offered to break my water to speed up the process but I refused. I figured it had only been 5 hrs so no big deal. I'll probably be pushing in another hr, right? WRONG! I’m kinda bummed Dr. Yin didn’t deliver my baby, but then again, oh well. Around 8 am, I was finally 5 cm dilated. By that time, I was already over the whole waiting process. My contractions subsided and were sporatic by that time. They went from 5 mins apart to 3 mins apart then 8 mins apart, then all over the place. That’s when I thought…”Could this be false labor?”

The nurse came at 11 am to ask if I wanted to have my water broken by Dr. Storrer (the doc on-call). I refused. I just thought that my body would progress naturally by itself, but by noon I was so tired of waiting already (yes, I have no patience) so I told them that we’d go ahead and rupture my membranes. Dr. Storrer came in at 1 pm and broke my water with this long “knitting” needle. (It’ll be awhile before I start knitting again, that’s for sure! LOL!). It was the yuckiest feeling ever. This huge gush of water came and it just felt like I kept peeing my pants for like 2 hrs. YUCK. At 3 pm, I was 6 cm dilated.

Around 5 pm, the nurses checked me again and I was 7 cm dilated. WOO HOO! I walked around some to try to progress my labor and the contractions were coming on strong by then. I was still able to deal with the pain so it wasn’t a big deal, but I just kept thinking “What if I stay at 7 cm for several hours then 8 cm for a few more hours? I wouldn’t be able to handle that!” They had offered to give me pitocin earlier that day and I refused. I have just heard WAYYYYY to many horror stories about it, so no way. They had offered me an epidural at 5 pm and I refused then, but by 6 pm, the contractions were just getting stronger and stronger so I finally gave in and asked for one.

The anesthiologist Dr. Sherman was one funny guy. He was like, “It took you to get to 7 cm to figure out you wanted an epidural? Sheez. Don’t worry, this is gonna be the best ride of your life. You’re gonna wanna have more babies after this.” HAHAHHA! Other than the epidural shot (which was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to endure, plus the fact that I was getting contractions at the same time…”Don’t move” they said, I wanted to punch them), the whole epidural idea was a GREAT one. I was squeezing J’s hands soooooooo hard, I almost broke them! I was crying so hard by then. I was thinking what a mistake! But when the drugs finally kicked in…HOLY MOLY! I was in heaven. I can’t believe I waited that long for an epidural! I felt like I was in LA LA land. So for the next 2 hours, I just laid there as happy go lucky as can be. Actually, I was pretty happy and smiley all throughout the whole day, so I must admit I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

Anyways, I started feeling some pressure in my butt area right after they gave me the epidural. I couldn’t feel a damn thing anywhere in my lower half though. My legs, my butt, my waist area were all numb. They kept asking me to move (which was kinda dumb on their part, don’t you think?!?) and I thought I was but I barely moved. I did alright though considering. Makes me real thankful for having a normal, healthy body. I can’t imagine what it would really be like to be paralyzed! The nurse checked me at 9 pm to put an internal monitor in and that’s when she realized the baby was already at a +3 station. She kinda gave me a freakish look and said “OMG! The baby’s coming!” Next thing I know, Dr. Storrer came in along with 2 other nurses and they told me to start pushing. They had a hard time telling me WHEN to push since my contractions were coming in waves at 1 min apart. I pushed once (or what I thought was pushing, I couldn’t feel a darn thing!) and Isabella’s head came out. I didn’t realize what was going on until Jeramy started crying and everyone started yelling “SLOW DOWN! She’s already out!” Dr. Storrer didn’t think the delivery part was gonna be that fast, she hadn’t even put on her gown yet and gotten their medical table out yet. After they got everything laid out, they told me to push again and Isabella was completely out.
The doc laid her out on my belly and she just looked amazingly beautiful. She had vernix all over her face and body, and we were all gooey from touching her…but she just looked perfect. Just perfect. Anyways, I thank God for having such a beautiful, normal healthy little girl. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. We are so happy to have her here. Our family is now complete!

Potty time!

Gosh, it's been a long while since I've written anything in here. How sad! There's just more important things to do these days. haha! Anyways, our little boy is growing up! Today he went wee wee on the potty for the 1st time!!! He actually initiated the whole thing himself. We were getting his bath ready when he reached down and grabbed his pants. Then he says, "Momma, Connor needs to go potty." I didn't think anything of it since sometimes he says that just for fun. So I take his pants off and seat him down on the potty. I'm sitting there next to him making the "ssshhhhh ssshhh" sound to encourage him to pee. Next thing I know, his little potty machine starts singing "Yay! You went potty..." He then asks me for toilet paper so I hand it to him, he wipes, then stands up. I look down and there it is...PEEEEEE!!! Yay! I was so incredibly happy, I couldn't contain myself. You have no idea how long ago we introduced this whole potty thing to him and he has had no interest whatsoever. I mean, he'll play pretend and play with his little potty machine but has never really taken it seriously enough. We don't push him or anything since it's really up to him. So yeah, after he wipes, he pushes down the little flush thing and I just kissed and hugged him for like 5 mins. I was so stoked. So I take the little potty cup out and pour down the pee in the toilet and flushed it down the toilet. After I washed the little potty cup, I took his little hand and ran to the kitchen with him. "You get a popsicle for being such a big boy. You went potty!!!" He was sooooooo happy. I can tell he was just feeling so proud. I had to call Jeramy ofcourse and that made Connor even happier to hear how excited I was to tell Daddy. Anyways, I am soooooooooo happy that this has happened (can't you tell?). I have been reading books about potty training to him for months now and he got the whole notion, but it was just so nice to see everything being implemented in real life. What a big boy! To top it all off, after our bedtime routine (play music, read books, kisses and hugs, tucking in, etc)...I was on my way to leaving the room and as I was saying "Nite nite Connor, I love you...I'll see ya tomorrow". He proceeds to tell me that I need to put his baby gate up so I can't come in to wake him up. Can you freaking believe it? We've been leaving the gate down because he's been waking up in the middle of the night every night for the past few weeks. I really think he knows that the baby is coming really soon since he's been acting up lately and become really clingy again. But then again, he's acting like such a big boy too...like he says "I'm a big brother!". Gosh, I am so proud of him. I can't even explain in words how good it feels to have such a wonderful loving boy...

What's going on with...

So I technically had my appt yesterday but they cancelled it when I got there, because the doc was delivering a baby at the hospital. No biggie, except it would have been nice to know beforehand before wasting gas. Oh well. Anyways, I saw the doc today and apparently I've dilated even more. I am now 4-5 cm dilated, still 80% effaced and the baby is at -2 station. She keeps saying how surprised she is that I haven't delivered my baby yet. Well, I think that Isabella's pretty smart for not wanting to come out. It's warm and cozy in there! LOL! I have been feeling contractions here and there, some are pretty scary considering I have been feeling some back pain with some of them...but nothing regular. I have been pooin' a lot more than usual too so I think the baby's just pushing on my intestines and it's just getting really cramped in there. I just hope that once I do go into labor, that Jeramy is home. I'd rather have him take me to the hospital than anyone else. My inlaws and all my friends have been kind enough to offer to drive me to the hospital, if need be, but there's something about the idea of my own husband just being there in my time of need. I just wonder when it's all gonna happen? I wonder if it's gonna be in the middle of the night like Connor or during the day while I'm out and about? I can't believe I'll be having this baby in less than 2 weeks. NUTS! I am so excited though. I can't wait to meet little Isabella. I am contemplating whether or not to call her Izzie or Bella, since Connor keeps calling her Bella. I don't know why this is even a big deal but I think it's important that we take Connor's "opinion" into consideration. I love how he talks to my belly and gives it hugs and kisses. It's not too often that Jeramy has touched my belly or talked to Isabella, which kind of makes me sad but oh well...what can I do? I can't force him. I think there's just something about it not being "real" to him until the baby is actually here. It kinda makes me sad too that he hasn't really taken the time to videotape or take pics of my belly, so I had to hire a professional to do it. But then again, it's like pulling teeth with that man to get him to take ANY pictures anyway. I had my maternity session last Friday and it went great! I hired my friend's sister in law and it was her 1st time taking photos of a pregnant chick, so we were both new at it. She usually takes wedding photographs and I like her style, so I was all about being the guinea pig for her. The session lasted 3 1/2 hrs. We were supposed to go to Montana de Oro beach in Los Osos but it was too foggy so we ended up driving around to find cool places to get photos done. We went to this placed called La Familia Ranch and then out to Avila Beach (which there was a Shark Watch warning for the day). I think the photos will turn out pretty good!! She's sending over the CD with all the pics in a few days. I'm pretty excited. I felt like a STAR for a day. LOL!

Weight gain journal...

Month 1: 147 lbs
Month 2: 150
Month 3: 154
Month 4: 157
Month 5: 161
Month 6 appt: 167
Month 7 appt: 172
July 25: 178
August 7: 184
September 1: 188

Update on my Pregnancy

So I had my 37 week appt yesterday morning and had my 1st internal exam since the very beginning of the pregnancy. Apparently, I'm already 3-4 cm dilated and 80% effaced so I can technically go any day now. I was 4-5 cm dilated and 80% effaced for 3 weeks when I was pregnant with Connor and technically, I delivered 2 weeks early. Only because at my last ultrasound last time, I had my EDD changed from July 6th to June 26th (he was born on the 22nd) & when he was born, the pediatrician says according to his "Ballard age" that he was a week late (really long nails, dry skin, no blood or lanugo on him when born --- really "clean", really hairy, etc).

But anyways, my OB says that on average that the 2nd baby is born faster. She wants to induce me on Sept 14th because she doesn't want me to risk having the baby in the car. LOL! She keeps joking about how I don't wanna make front page news! My labor & delivery was a total of 3 hrs with Connor, only an 1 1/2 hr of it was at the hospital. I went from 5 cm at 3:00 am when we checked in at the hospital and went to 10 cm at 4 am... and I delivered at 4:42 am. So I'm scared that I might not make it in time!

I guess my point is this: I am hoping to have a 100% natural birth again (vaginal, no drugs, no induction, etc) but if induction means not risking having the baby in the car or at home, then should I go for it? I mean, I COULD have this baby any day now but is inducing really the right answer IF I don't give birth by the 14th? I don't know what to think considering I'm really against inducing in the first place. I am just getting paranoid now thta I might not make it in time to the hospital. And to think, the doc might just wanna induce to make sure she's getting paid. UGH!

I carry your heart...

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

4D Ultrasound...so cool!

Went to Central Coast 4D Ultrasound today to get a 4D done. It was really cool. Jeramy was really skeptical about seeing "4D" but he seemed to enjoy it as well. Too bad little Isabella didn't really cooperate. It would have been really cool to see her face or even her side profile. But the little stinker had both of her arms crossed in front of her face, so all we could really see was her nose and mouth. We could tell she has J's nose and my lips though...just like Connor. The ultrasound lady says she has big feet too...so does Connor! I'm really bummed we didn't get to see her facial features though. After looking at all the advertisements and stuff, I was really hoping I could compare the 4D to her real face when she's born just to see how similar it is. Just our luck huh!? Oh well, at least it was free! :)

I wonder if they're gonna look alike? That would be so weird if she came out with my features and J's coloring. But either way, she's gonna be so damn cute just like Connor is. Connor's so excited (well as excited as a toddler's gonna be) about being a big brother. I've been reading big brother books to him and always talking to him about how he's gonna be such a great big brother. I wonder if he even really gets it? It's really endearing though when he comes up to my belly and kisses my belly button. He talks to little Isabella and says "Hi sis" or "Hi Bella". I just love it.

Visiting Jennster...

On Saturday, we went over to Novato and visited Jennster and her boyfriend. Loree was there visiting from Simi so it awesome to see her too! We went out to dinner and just played cards, watched a movie and hung out for the rest of the night. It's been awhile since I've hung out with both girls...brings back a lot of memories.

It was great seeing my Jennster so happy with Chris. It's crazy that the last time I saw Chris was the 1st time I met him...Jenn's 30th bday party. And even then, I KNEW they were meant to be together. To think, they're getting married next year! I LOVE IT!

As for Loree dearest...she still looks great! I have my own personal opinions about the guy she's dating (since ummm, yeah she's dating Chris' best friend). So I'll keep my mouth shut...

J and I had so much fun visiting. I was sad to leave, knowing I won't be seeing them for a long time. I just wish we all lived closer. I mean, we're lucky enough that we can drive a few hrs to see each other but still, it sucks.

J & I went to San Francisco for our last rendezvous before the baby comes. We stayed at the same hotel we stayed at the last time we were here (when we 1st dated). It was SUITE...as in yes, we stayed in a suite! They upgraded us for free. We have no idea why, but whatever, we were stoked! We got into SF pretty late after leaving Paul & Marisa's wedding reception. After checking in, we walked around looking for a place to eat. We ended up at a place called "Hana Zen". It was a pretty good sushi place. The prices were very comparable to the Central Coast and it was a pretty cool setting. We were pretty tired so we went to bed early since we had a long day ahead of us!

Shopping on Saturday & walking around downtown was so much fun! I found my new favorite store "H&M". The prices are freaking incredibly cheap and the styles were so me...except there weren't that many clothes I could fit in with this big fat belly. So I have to go back when I'm back to my sexy self! We met up with my Tita and Tito and had lunch with them at Wolfgang Puck's. It was cool seeing them again. It's been awhile.

So yeah, if you're wondering who that guy is in the pic...it's my boyfriend. Sssshhhh...j/k. He's some Abercrombie Fitch model standing in front of the store and J made me take a photo with him. LOL! I don't even think he's that hot...well his body is, not so much the face. ha!

Leaving San Francisco makes me sad. There's just so many things to do, places to see, and so much shopping to be done! J & I were talking about how cool it would be to live there if it is was just him and me. It's not really a place you could raise a family in, but damn, if we were back in our partying days...it'd be fun to live there for a year or something!

Paul's Wedding

We can't believe Paul actually got married. Just 2 Christmases ago, he was depressed over not having anyone special in his life and that his relationships were all a failure. Now look at how happy he is!

Jeramy and I drove to Livermore to go to their wedding reception. It was really nice and relaxing. They had this amazing ambrosia salad there...I could have eaten the whole thing! I really need to find the recipe for that. (Note to self)

Paul's wife is really pretty and VERY smart. We asked her what she did for work and this is how the conversation went:

j & i: "So what do you do for work?"
her: "I'm a microbiologist. I do research for the government."
j & i: "So like what kind of research?"
her: "Well it's top secret stuff...I really can't say...but it's mostly infectious diseases and bacteria"
j: "Wow honey, she's smarter than you!"
paul: "hahaha"
me: "Wow, she's smart honey. I don't know what we can talk about now..."
paul: "hahahaha"
j & i: "Ummmm so yeah...Hmmmm"
me: "Oh wait, I know...is the whole Avian bird flu for real?" (I'm totally thinking I am sooooo smart for even coming up with THIS question...HA!)
her: "Oh gosh, it's been around for decades. It's only a big deal now because the media just got a hold of it."
j: "So yeah, we don't really know what to talk to you about so next time we see you, we promise we would have done our research and we'll have something cool to bring up."
her: "Ummm...ok"

I don't think she thought we were funny, but Paul seemed to think it was all funny because he just sat there and laughed the whole time. I just don't know how to talk to smart people these days. My mommy brain allows me to know my ABC's, 123's, sing nursery rhymes, and just make sure I put my damn shoes on before leaving the house! LOL!

Well, we had a good time hanging out with the newlyweds. Paul's sister interviewed us and videotaped it, asking what advice we had for the couple. J & I just laughed and said:

j: "Just nod and say 'UH HUH' and pretend you're really listening."
me: "Remember the woman is ALWAYS right"

HA! 

Happy Independence Day!

J had to work today so Connor & I celebrated the 4th of July with his Godmother, Corinne. We went to the parade in Templeton in the morning and he seemed to really enjoy it. It was just way TOO hot and I was extremely hungry so we went inside Joe's Place and ate breakfast...therefore missing the rest of the parade (though we watched most of it through the windows). My super hyperactive boy desperately needed a nap after the parade ('cause silly guy decided to wake up extra early this morning!) but we went shopping at Target instead. Ofcourse that didn't help matters much because it only made him MORE hyper = really tired. Anyways, we went home and we both took a nap and spent some time with Daddy when we woke up, before he headed off to work. Connor and I then went to Corndog's fiance's house and BBQ'd with some friends. Then we headed over to Templeton Park and saw an array of fireworks shows & set off our own fireworks, which ofcourse was led by a team of "men", ahem boys (funny how grown up men become such little boys around fireworks). Connor had a blast!!! It was really loud and smokey, but we really enjoyed it. There's just something about fireworks that really gets you pumped up. Poor little Isabella in my belly was probably wondering what the heck was going on outside her safe haven. Well, we had a long and eventful day. So glad it's over though. I am pooped!

Happy Birthday Connor!

I can't believe my little boy is now 2 years old. It seems only like yesterday that he was born into this world! Connor has been such a wonderful blessing in our lives. He is such an intelligent, friendly, caring, just amazing little boy. It's funny how we can see how he's developed different aspects of our personalities. I am glad he has more of Daddy's than mine. LOL! He definitely has my temper though...as is it is becoming more prominent now that he is 2.

We had two birthday parties for him. One on his actual birthday and another one during the weekend after for all the friends & family to celebrate with us. He had a wonderful time, even though it proved to be more stressful for me. I doubt we're gonna have another big bday party until HE can decide who to invite. It's just too much of a hassle really...even though I LOVE planning parties. It's just hard to actually carry out when you're preggers.

Connor got a lot of cool (and not so cool) toys. A lot of it's going into storage for future use. He just has wayyyyyy too many toys in the house and in the backyard already. Maybe our little baby girl will make use of it someday? Well I just wanted to commemorate my little boy's special day!!!

27 weeks and counting...

• Had another appt with the nurse practitioner (Lori Melson) today. Nothing special happened, just another 10 min appt. Weighed in at 167 lbs. Gained a total of 20 lbs...so far so good! I am keeping "on track" with the whole weight gain thing. I just need to maintain it this last trimester, considering my past history of gaining 27 lbs the last 3 months while pregnant with Connor (YIKES!). I had a pelvic exam done because I've been feeling a lot of pressure down there. The NP says it's way too early to be feeling pressure down there considering the baby's too small still. Everything looked fine and seemed normal. The baby is doing great and is quite an active little one. I mean...seriously REALLY active, a lot more than Connor ever was. She's been having hiccups for awhile now and is totally annoying but feels special at the same time.
  
  Some pregnancy "symptoms" I'm experiencing are:
  
  - some heartburn, only after I drink soda (which I normally don't drink when not pregnant by the way) and/or eat fast food (which I normally don't eat when not pregnant either).
  
  - I've had a total LOVE for fast food, cheesburgers and french fries. YUM! So not good for my healthy diet, but I can't help eat. I still crave ice cream like usual, but don't give in each time. This is really weird for me considering I've never had much self-control when it comes to ice cream before!!! LOL!
  
  - Swollen feet. Maybe it's because it's hot like a mofo outside these days but anytime I'm on my feet longer than 20 mins, it seems my feet swell up like crazy. I didn't experience swollen feet at all until I was 8 mos pregnant with Connor.
  
  - Acne is not as bad as I experienced it with Connor. The 1st trimester was pretty bad this time around but my skin is looking perdy good for being this far along. It did get worse when I breastfed last time and I am really hoping it doesn't happen again this time. I looked so ugly with all that acne!!!
  
  - Sciatica isn't that bad this time around either. It comes and goes, worsens when I walk too much (TOO much is like a mile or so). Sometimes it just hits for no apparent reason either, which just makes the day much longer when you're running around a toddler!
  
  - I am constantly tired. I feel like I have absolutely no energy some days. I do try to nap when Connor naps during the day though, so that helps me feel somewhat more energized for the rest of the day. I want to nap at all times during the day but can't sleep at night. Which leads me to...
  
  - Really bad insomnia. Some nights I can't sleep until 3 am and I wake up when Connor wakes up at 6:30 or 7 (GETTING UP is a whole another issue though). Jeramy has been sooooooooooo good to me and letting me sleep in while he takes care of Connor. I love him so much for that.
  
  - Leg cramps. Damn these leg cramps. Only had a few really bad ones so far (one woke me up and I seriously wanted to kill something...thank goodness my loving hubby helped massage my leg!). I had some days where my legs just feel DEAD. I hate that feeling. I feel like I ran a marathon or something because my legs feel so sore and crampy, some days they are completely numb. Icy Hot doesn't do shit for my legs. Just gotta eat more bananas right? RIGHT! LOL!
  
  - Itchy skin. So yeah, we have a ton of mosquitoes that bite me all throughout the day in our newly landscaped yard BUT still, I feel like my skin is tight and taut and just needs to be scratched. My poor legs look all beat up from me scratching the hell out of them. Oh well, it feels damn good when I scratch!
  
  - I barely grew any hair on my legs when I was preggo with Connor but this time around, hair on my legs are growing like weeds. I am too lazy to shave them. But J was so proud of me...I just shaved them the other day for the 1st time in a month. I mean, they weren't THAT hairy, but he definitely notices. haha
  
  - still having a little bit of nausea. NP says it's dehydration so I have been drinking a ton of water. It seems to help. I am having the worst habit of chewing on ice too. My poor teeth!
  
  - My gums aren't bleeding that badly but they are bleeding some. Totally normal according to the NP...- Constipation. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I hate it. What can I say? I wish we didn't have to poo at all. It is such a chore. But when it all comes out, soooooooooooooooo much like heaven. Well ok, sorry for "too much information" but for those who have been constipated for days, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
  
  I think that's about it for now! I need to go to bed!!!!!!!!!

 

Lessons Learned Part I

So I don't know why I've been thinking about this and why it's even important??? But I just wanted to write a little something about the things I've learned from the people that have been in my life in one way or another. I'm gonna start out with the men. I'm not talking about my Dad, my brother, my cousin...I'm talking about men (or boys) that I've been with in the past and the man I love & will always love forever (yes you, my dear husband).

I guess I started looking back at my past relationships and realized I wasn't always the best person in general. I didn't treat a lot of these guys the way they should have been treated. I was selfish & immature in a lot of ways. I don't regret anything, only because its made me who I am today...but I do appreciate the lessons I've learned from all the relationships I've had with them. May those relationships been short or long, it doesn't really matter. I learned something important in each one. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I do realize now how important all those relationships have been in shaping the person I am today.

I have always been "involved" in one way or another ever since I was 16 years old. It was hard for me to be alone and I know that some of the "relationships" I was in was all based on convenience alone. It sucks to realize that this was the kind of person I was. I guess I am reminiscing, not because I'm unhappy with my current relationship (God knows I've never been happier!) but I just feel bad for some of the things I've done to some of these people and for the way I treated the relationship with them in general. I'm not saying I've never had my heart broken, but I did my fair share of hurting people and in a way I am writing this as way of making peace with myself or posting it on a public blog as a kind of subliminal message to those people (some of whom are on Myspace).

I have always been the person to move on fairly easily because I have never really let people get TOO close. I thought it was a matter of strength on my part, but I definitely think it was more of weakness. My sisters and friends were always amazed at how quickly I would regain my self-confidence and continue to live life as if nothing ever happened. In my mind, I knew that we could only control so much of our lives. Control is an illusion. So why would I sit there and cry over something I couldn't control? But the truth was...I couldn't stand to feel my true emotions. I am weak when it comes to emotions and have been slowly learning in the past 3 years that it is OK to FEEL. My husband and my son most of all have taught me so much and I am learning from them each and every day. And because of that, I am learning to truly open up and learning how to make amends with my past.

J - You have taught me the real meaning about unconditional love. That honesty truly is the best policy. That the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a bunch of crap. I love you for keeping me grounded and for telling me exactly how it is, without bending over backwards to make me happy. I like being treated like a woman, as an adult, as a friend and not just your wife. Not a day goes by that we miss telling each other "I love you" and actually really mean it. You are my sunshine. No words can truly express what you really mean to me...

Mase - You opened up my eyes to the underlying causes of the person I was becoming...an alcoholic, a person you couldn't trust (b/c of what happened with Jonathan), someone who was not available emotionally (being on the cell phone 90f the time we hung out), etc. Though I defended myself to the nth degree for my actions, you taught me to really take a look at what I was doing to myself and made me realize that I needed to change. In a weird way, you also helped me take a look at the people in my life and made me realize who my true friends were. Your honesty helped me.

Jonathan - the person who told Mase about the person that I was (about that night). You taught me that word gets around and I need to be more careful (and thoughtful) about my actions. I have never really been slapped in the face per se before that time and you too, helped me realize what kind of person I was.

Alex - You taught me that age doesnt really matter. Its a matter of the chemistry and the actual relationship between 2 people. We knew what kind of relationship we had and it was all fun & games (or so we thought) until one of us got hurt. You taught me that no matter how many times we tell ourselves we dont care, we really do. That goes for all aspects in life.

Mikey - You taught me the real meaning of friendship. I never believed in friends becoming lovers. I was always one to believe that platonic relationships DO work (and yes, they do!). You are the only friend Ive ever dated. After all the shit that I had done in the past & knowing exactly the person that I was, you were still willing to be with me. Long-distance relationships suck but they do work out, as long as both people want it to work. I tried, I really did. You taught me that you need to put yourself first sometimes, even if it hurts the other person. I was so used to putting other people first.

Brian - You taught me how fun life can bewith or without drugs. LOL! Seriously though, you taught me that laughter truly is the best medicine and that drama can eventually kill your soul. We need more of one and less of the other, thats for damn sure. Youre another one that has taught me the meaning of friendship, to really be there for someone. The art of listening is a skill you have and I have yet to learn.

Tyler - You taught me the true meaning of passionanger, love, motivation, music, poetry, etc. Though you always said you werent the type of person to keep in touch with exes, we managed to keep in touch just fine. So in a way, you learned something yourself!!!

Thomas - You taught me the meaning of a fling w/ strings attached. J I know that seems like a dumb thing to say, but we knew better that our relationship was a dead end. But you did write letters to keep it going and I appreciated that. You taught me that two lost souls can be lost together, but may never find each other.

Bobby B - You taught me the meaning of romance. Never had I ever experienced any of the nice things you did for me. I am sure it wasnt a big deal to you, but it was to me. Wined and dined. Flowers. Poetry. Oooh la la

Rob - You taught me that money really doesnt matter. You made millions and I thought I could overlook all your flawsbut I guess I couldnt! My mom wanted me to stay with you regardless of all the crapand thank God, I was smart enough to listen to my own heart. You helped open up my eyes to the fact that I could care less about money if the man youre with is a shithead. Money can NOT buy you love.

Johnny - You showed me true emotions even if it embarrassed you. You really cared and I treated you like you were nothing. You taught me about how big of a shithead I was. It took me several more years to become less of a shithead, trust me.

Moe - You taught me about deceit and the fact to never ever date your friends ex. I lost a lot of friends because of you and my own selfishness. Friends do care. That whole situation taught me how important friends really are in your life.

Bobby M - my 1st true love. You taught me a lot. You put me high up on a pedestal that it took many, MANY years after to get used to the idea that Im not always going to be #1. Passion, intimacy, sacrifice, trust, friendshipthese were all the positive sides of our almost 5 yr relationship. But you also taught me about possessiveness, bitterness, hatred, negativity, and whatever else we shared that should never exist in a relationship. I have never seen the ugly side of me until you entered my lifenor have I ever seen the most beautiful side of me either. It was all a matter of perspective and thank you for teaching me all about perspectives. You taught me the true meaning of being special and all those memories will never be forgotten.

VOTE FOR MY KID!

So yeah, I'm such a dorky mommy...I entered my son in a Babies Photo Contest. The theme is MESSY BABY and considering how messy he gets all the time, I had tons of pics to choose from. I picked his 1st bday pic when he was running around chasing the kids with his cake-infested self because I thought it was perfect for the theme and it's just way too cute.

Sooooooo from June 8th thru the 14th...VOTE FOR CONNOR!!! (page #16: Connor M)http://www.babiesonline.com/babycontest/votedo.asp

Thank you soooooooooooo much! 

It's a...

GIRL!!!

We found out this morning that we'll be having a baby girl. She weighs approximately 13 ounces. The doc says that the baby looks perfectly healthy and normal. So it's all good! We are very excited. She was so cute, yes even in the ultrasound! She yawned a couple of times and she was laid out lengthwise across my lower abdomen. She was holding her hands together and had her legs stretched out as if she was relaxing. As the doc says, "she's loungin". Oh, I can already see she's so much like her Daddy! LOL!It's funny because I was trying to force myself to not really care about the gender of the baby. I was even afraid of having a girl (maybe it's because I grew up with 3 sisters? LOL!). I was so set in having a boy because 1) it just seemed easier since I already "know" what to do. 2) it'll be cheaper since we kept most of Connor's stuff and there really isn't much for boys out there. 3) don't have to worry about having to wipe from front to back. LOL! Seriously though, I didn't really care whether or not it was a boy or girl. That is, until last night. I had a dream that we were at the doc's office getting the ultrasound done and the doc said it was a boy. I felt disappointed and woke up feeling sad for some reason. I guess that's when I realized, I really WANTED a girl. So I was really nervous and excited on the way to the doctor's (Dr. Cedar). I even text messaged all my closest friends and family. I told them to place their bets. $10 per bet...a good way for a stay at home mom to make some $$$. haha. Well, obviously I lost and NO I ain't paying shit. :) I mean...everyone bet on a girl. But then again, I think everyone had a pretty good sense about it because I told them everything...all my symptoms so far are opposite with what I had with Connor, I am not as bitchy & irritable as I was with Connor and everyone's saying how I'm "glowing". Not that I wasn't happy with my pregnancy during Connor but it has definitely been more relaxing now than it was w/ Connor. Maybe because we didn't know what to expect? Who knows?I didn't have any morning sickness with Connor but the sciatica from 3 months on was just horrible. So I prayed and prayed, asking for morning sickness any day over sciatica. But when the morning sickness came...oh my goodness, I wanted to die! haha! The sciatica hasn't been that bad this time around but when it hits, I am pretty much in a lot of pain. It sucks being in that much pain and trying to run around a little toddler! But Connor is so caring and affectionate, he takes care of his Momma!

It's positive!

So yes, it's confirmed. I am pregnant. For how long? Who knows?! It's killing me that I don't know when my baby's due. Why don't I know this? Well, it's a long story but here it is. (This may be too much info for some people, so just warning you now before you continue).

I didn't get my period back until April '05, when Connor was about 10 months old. I was lucky enough to get it that late, but since then, I had my period regularly which I never experienced before. I always had irregular periods pre-pregnancy so I never knew when to expect my period until "Surprise!" So anyways, it just so happened that the cycle started and the next cycle started within the same month...so yes, I got my period twice a month. Yes, you read that right. TWICE a month. It was insane. I would get my "1st" period at the regular time and that would last for like a week and it was heavy. Then 28 days later, I would have my period again. So this went on and on and on (what seemed like forever!) until October. Then in November, I had my last "regular" period and in December, I spotted for like 3 days.

So the confusion: do I state that my LMP (last menstrual period) was in November or December??? I had my first doctor's appointment on Feb. 21st, a month after I took some home pregnancy tests and got my original positives. It was driving me crazy that I had to wait that long to even get an appt but I guess it was their office policy to not see you until you were technically 8 weeks pregnant. Well, I got my nunu examined and the damn nurse practitioner couldn't tell how far along I was.

I had the ultrasound done on Feb. 28th and the tech tells me she can't tell me how far along I am. The doc has to be the one to do it..."office policy", she says. Office policies my ass!!!! I am sick and tired of waiting. I have been waiting a freaking month already and that's all you have to tell me? BITCH. Anyways, I know it's not her fault so let me just take a breather. Alright, I'm ok now.

Anyways, so yeah...I have to wait now until MARCH 22nd to find out anything!!! But let me tell you this, I was not expecting to see what I saw in the ultrasound. I was expecting to see a little peanut, something that didn't "look" like a baby. But guess what? It sure looks like a baby alright!!! It's so cute. The baby's heart beat was going 171 BPM. I don't know why but the whole thing was surreal. I guess I didn't really expect a "real" baby to be in my tummy already. Granted, with all the morning sickness/tiredness/insomnia/mood swings...I FEEL pregnant. I guess it just wasn't all that real to me until I saw the ultrasound. Crazy huh?!

Connor and Daddy were there to share the experience with me so that made it even more special. Connor was really tired and wanted to nap, so he was being really clingy to me. I went in the bathroom to change into my gown and he cried for me the whole time. Then I laid down on the gurney and he cried some more. Then he watched the TV screen and was in awe for like 3 seconds...then cried some more. LOL! He was out as soon as we got in the car.

Anyways, just wanted to share our ultrasound pic with y'all. How far along do YOU think I am? According to the calendar, if I'm counting Nov. 23rd as my LMP then I'm 14 weeks. If I count Dec. 20th as my LMP then I'm 10 weeks. Either way, I'm ready for this. I just wanna know when my freaking due date is. Maybe that would help me sleep better at night?? haha, yeah right...