Just another Manic Monday...

Actually I lied, it really wasn't all that manic today. We didn't do much today other than go to our Parent Participation class, which we hadn't gone to in like 3 weeks. Oh yeah, and we got to go to the Dollar Store. Woo hoo.

It's kinda crazy how uneventful my days have been since I stepped down as Event Coordinator for the Zoo back in May. I mean, let me back track and apologize for saying "uneventful" because every day with the kids & the fam is wonderful. But uneventful as in...I really don't have much on my plate. I guess for most people that's a really good thing but for me, it just doesn't make for a feeling of accomplishment. I'm bored.

These past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to think about what I wanna do when the kids are both in school next year (yikes, Connor's gonna be in kindergarten!). I have been playing around with a bunch of ideas and I normally would be jumping for joy by now with some kind of a clue, but to no avail. *sigh*

Nursing school? Nah, I hate hospitals and honestly, can't bear the thought of stepping into a hospital to WORK. Psych tech? Nah, I can't work with heavily sedated criminals. Office manager? Not enough money to make it worth my while. Go back to school to specialize in something (that Psych degree ain't gonna get me far in the working world!)? Maybe, just what!

I've been looking over the classifieds lately and sheez, talk about some lame ass jobs. There is no way I can work the kind of jobs that are posted right now. Waiting tables, answering phones, wiping butts...not my cup of tea.

I guess I've hit a point in my life (AGAIN) when I'm itching to do something. The kids are fun to hang out with all day but I am getting bored out of my mind. I like learning, adult interaction, mental stimulation, and NOT yelling all damn day long. It amazes me that I've lasted this long as a SAHM. Like really, I wasn't planning on staying as a SAHM for 4 years and here I am... complaining and people would kill to be in my position right now. Ugh, I hate feeling like that. I'm so blessed and I feel like such a b**** for even talking like this.

Update on the fam...

Speaking of updates, I guess I should talk about the fam. The fam is great and life is good for the most part. J is still with the Sheriff's Dept and loves his job (on most days) and I'm glad because I wouldn't wanna have to go look for a job right now. The economy sucks and I can't see myself working at any of the jobs posted on the Classifieds. Job-hunting would suck right now!

J and I just went on the most amazing cruise ever with his parents. It was sooooooooooo much fun. People make fun of us 'cause we went with his 'rents (they're just jealous) but they really are the best people and so cool to hang out with. The cruise was such a blast! I can't wait to go on our next one.

The kids stayed with some family and their Godmother while we were on vacation. From what they tell us (wonder if they were lying?), the kids were really good. Our kids can get pretty crazy sometimes so I was really worried but now that I hear they were "good"...we'll start planning our next vacation then. LOL.

Connor is now 4 years old and is a crazy wild banshee. He is a really intelligent kid but man, he does not run out of energy. He's like Einstein on crack. He has a very expansive vocabulary for a 4-year old and is freaking awesome at putting things together (and tearing them apart). He's very creative and loves to "try" to be independent. Key word: TRY. But he's pretty much a mama's boy and yes, it's my fault. I've spoiled him and I'm surely paying for it now.

Isabella, on the other hand, is one funny character. She simply adores her brother. She calls him "BROTHER" not by name. He follows him everywhere, does everything he does (if not better...her motor skills are freaking amazing) and loves to beat up on him. Some days he can take it but on most he just freaks out and tells on her. I just wish he would grow a pair and punch her back (ok, just kidding). But she absolutely loves her brother. She is definitely starting to act like the typical 2 year old and oh dear, does she play the part well. She screams her head off anytime she's frustrated or annoyed and is such a tomboy, climbing everything she can swing her legs over. But she is quite a mysterious girl. She's not quiet in any way but it's so hard to tell what her personality is really like because she mirrors so much of what Connor says and does. I am quite interested in seeing her grow into her own. But for now, I am just enjoying my time with my baby girl.

They are both the light(s) of my life. As a stay at home mom, I get to enjoy all the moments (they're not all enjoyable) with them and consider myself truly blessed being able to do so. Some days I wish I was working outside the home 'cause OMG, they f'ing drive me insane sometimes. But I love 'em to death and am glad I get to spend so much time with them. Plus, J is off work 3-4 days a week so we get a lot of good family quality time together. That makes me happy...

Wow, it's 2008...

It has been quite some time since I've posted on my blog. With Myspace, Facebook, and the SLOCM site to browse through...why would I need a blog? Well 'cause I get bored with the other sites and need a place to lay out my REAL thoughts. I thought writing in a real journal would be better but then I would have to keep everyone up to date with what's happening in our lives and well, getting on the phone is almost impossible with 2 screaming kids in the background. Though I am quite impressed with myself as I actually sat down and talked to one of my sisters today for more than an hour. That is quite an accomplishment while a 4-yr old and 2-yr old are staring me down, jumping on me and tugging on my hair...

October has been a really tough month so far. We went on our 7-day Mexican Riviera cruise and I came home the sickest I've been in years. It was crazy. My poor hubby had to come home from vacation and take care of 3 kids. *sigh* But I must say how f'ing wonderful he was throughout the whole week. I love that man...

I haven't worked out in 2 weeks. It's the longest I've gone in the past few months without working out. I finally started feeling better a few days ago and just got back on track with my South Beach Diet and today was ruined 'cause of a cousin's bday dinner. I need more self-control. You can't ask me if I want brownies with ice cream! The answer is always gonna be a YES.

So yeah, I have been dealing with some anxiety this past week. Which is pretty ironic since here I am trying to help out a good friend with her anxiety and then bam...I start going through it myself. WTF. I don't think I've ever really had anxiety before. I couldn't sleep, I could barely eat, my tummy ached and was the most irritable person ever. How do people deal with that on a regular basis? I couldn't stand feeling that way for longer than 3 days. It was driving me nuts!

What was the anxiety about? Well, personal shit...what else? My life in general is GREAT, no drama for the most part. But certain people in my life stress me out and I don't really know how to deal with them. Then to make matters worse, I find out a good friend of mine has been mad for me for months for something I didn't really even know I did. Sounds like "The Hills"...except I don't get paid thousands of dollars for one show and my life is fo real. There's no "CUT!" to save me from my emotions.

Anyway, why the hell am I posting all this for all to see? 'Cause I don't feel like I can really talk to anyone (well other than my hubby who has no problem telling me what he really thinks). I have good friends but none I feel really close to right now. The feeling sucks. It feels like I'm surrounded by hundreds of people yet I feel so isolated at the same time. Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? Gosh I hope not, I'm only 31!

Happy 2nd Birthday Isabella!

I just wanted to give a shout out to my baby girl who turned 2 years old today. OMG, where has the time gone? I remember the moment you entered this world and completed our family. It makes me so sad knowing that in just a year, you're gonna be in preschool.

Our little Goombah, our little booger, our little princess, our crazy monkey...we LOVE you more than words can ever say. Your brother adores you so much that he would give his left leg to save you from whatever ails you (and you little girl would take that leg and hit him on the head with it). You're a little feisty being which only makes me wonder if that's a permanent trait 'cause you try so hard to be just like your brother.

You are the most beautiful girl I have ever set my eyes upon. And honestly, it's not just because I'm your mother that I'm saying that, it's because it's true. Everyone stares at your pretty face and the luscious curls on your head and takes the time to stop me anywhere we go to tell me just how beautiful you are. You have such a good heart, even how little you are, you already know how important love is and how to show it.

Some day you will be old enough to truly understand all the things that I am saying now. You are the most amazing daughter and I thank God for having Him give you to us. We love you and wish you the best birthday today!

Weight loss journal...

First off, I'm not really one to "diet" or eat healthy. I just love food TOO much to give (the good stuff) it up. I've been trying to maintain my weight by moderation, portion control and exercise. Having 2 kids breeds activity, so that's a plus. Exercising has always been a huge part of my life. I was also blessed with a great metabolism (and luck) and ate whatever I want whenever and never really gained. Then when I got pregnant with Connor, I got into a real funk. I had the mentality of "I'm pregnant...I'm eating for two...I can eat whatever I want!" 65 lbs later, my battle with weight began. I didn't have a hard time losing the first 50 lbs but the last 15 was a toughie. I even joined Weight Watchers...only to get pregnant again a few weeks into it!

I gained another 50 lbs with Isabella and to think, I didn't nearly eat as bad as I did when I was pregnant with Connor. Surprisingly enough, I ended up at the same exact weight right before giving birth! What a coincidence!

I never thought that weight would ever again be an issue in my life but it is. I was anorexic once upon a time and luckily I got help before it got too bad. Due to my many episodes of passing out after practice, my swim coach in HS finally said something and then it hit me "Wow, I'm anorexic?" I guess in my mind I rationalized it as being something else. When in reality, I wasn't eating much and exercising a ton (I worked out 4 hrs a day!). For a long time I struggled with being called "anorexic" because I just didn't think I was...(denial is such a curse!) So it wasn't really hard to get back into becoming "healthy" again since I loved food so much. Just that one year was particularly scary because I truly honestly didn't even know I was being unhealthy at the time. But looking back...I'm like DUH!

Then several years later, I got into a pretty wild lifestyle...trying anything and everything for fun. I admit, those 2 years were definitely fun and there are some days when I think, "Gosh, it was so easy to lose a ton of weight using drugs. This trying to eat healthy & exercising is CRAP" But that moment passes and I just keep trying harder to continue doing it the right way. It just sucks to not have the same metabolism anymore!

I've been doing it the "right" way for the most part (except I can't just give up sweets, fat, junk, you know the GOOD stuff) but I will never forget the times I took the easy route. It makes me realize that I'm a much stronger person now because of it. So as I take each day one at a time, I try to make it a point to at least be active for the day so that I can shove whatever I want into my mouth! HA! I still struggle with it every day. But I am soooooooooo fricken proud of myself. It's taking me much longer than anticipated to lose the baby weight, but I'm happy to finally have some curves!!! LOL!

I'm attempting to run my 2nd 5K this coming Sunday. I am so nervous! I just feel like I'm gonna die...running is so not my forte. Swimming is definitely my thing...I even swam a 1/2 mile nonstop the other day. Woo Hoo! I'm also thinking of doing a mini-triathlon in May. Am I crazy or what?!

My final hurrah with SLOCM...

Sooo...I haven't officially announced it on the SLOCM website yet but I'm stepping down from Management completely and I'll just be a regular member from now on. WOO HOO! I am so excited. It's been over 3 years that I've been involved with the SLOCM leadership team in some way and it's time to cut loose! I'm so done with working for FREE! LOL! It was (and always will be) my baby but it's due time I let go of it and just concentrate on more important things in life. You know, like BLOGGING! haha

To all my girls...

My friend Jenn has been waiting for this blog for nearly a year now. LOL! Sorry it's taken me so long and YES, you are part of the list. So therefore, I'll start with you.

Jennster - my typical beach blonde friend (heh heh), it's been 10 years since we've been friends (WHOA)...you were always like a mom to me, only because you tried to make me listen & guide me to take the right paths (even when I kept taking the wrong ones)...you spoke your mind as you wished and that really helped me (even when all I wanted to do was slap you silly)...you are definitely my funnest, silliest, spunkiest friend...i admire all the crap you've put up with over the years and i am soooooooooo glad your dreams are finally coming true...i miss ya like crazy (i'll be seeing you soon though!)

Christine & Charmaine - you both serve a different purpose in my life, you are both so different yet so alike at the same time...i am sooooooo glad we are sisters...there are no words to explain how happy and grateful i am to have you guys in my life...out of such a dysfunctional (yet "picture perfect") family, God blessed me with such beautiful souls...i honestly don't know how sane i would be without you guys...thank you thank you thank you for everything

Jess - though we don't seem as close, you have always served a sound mind even in the midst of craziness in our lives...you have helped pave the way for me to choose what's best for me and my family...we are truly blessed to have each other as sisters, let's not lose that!

Corinne - dearest to my heart...who knew days of drinking and partying would lead to such a beautiful friendship? you are the godmother of my children for a reason...you are a true example of someone that is beautiful inside and out...i thank God for the person that you are...you make me a better friend...you are the best listener and sooo understanding of the person that i am...you are one of the bestest friends a girl could ever have...thank goodness we live minutes away from each other!

Dawn - definitely my most emotional friend, yet you bring some awesome things to the "table" of life...you make me think more...and to express my feelings in ways i never imagined...we've definitely carried some of the longest conversations ever...and the strangest ones indeed! (remember the "rabbit"? LOL!) how i wish we kept in touch more often!

Sarah - the days of partying have come and gone, but you've still kept that "partying" type of fun about you that reminds me to loosen up more often...our college days were so much more memorable because of you...you've always had sound advice even when you weren't listening to them yourself (LOL)...how i admire the fact that you've overcome such issues in your life...can't wait for the BIG day!!!

Ling & Cindy - my hot momma friends...you have made me so much happier now that we've gotten closer in the past year...every time we spend together only makes me realize how important it is to keep friendships even when you're busy being a mom! i love knowing there's always a meal in store for us somewhere anytime we hang out!!! haha! i am so thankful for finding such good friends in the midst of all the sea of moms...you guys helped me realize what was truly important in life...thank you for that...

ps
i wanted to add (though you are basically nonexistent now in my life)

Laura - my college buddy...we were inseperable...you made college life so much more memorable and bearable...the days of working out together, drinking, partying, studying, eating out, etc are all days i will always remember...i know we both now lead separate paths and i am so sad that it's gotten in the way of our friendship (you know, i'm one of the ones that got barefoot and pregnant)...i am even sadder seeing some of the type of reverse prejudicial statements you have made...i have always loved ya and will always miss you...and girl, gotta admit, you've become quite a bombshell...you go girl

Carla - if you're out there and alive, please contact me...there are so many things i want to say to you...we were friends for soooooo long...talk about inseperable! the downward spiral of the "sex, drugs, and rock & roll" lifestyle led to the inevitable end of our friendship...i am sorry that i couldn't do more...i thank God I chose LIFE---have you?...soooooooo many memories...but definitely no regrets

A day out and a long night in...

We went out for a drive to go see the wildflowers...but sadly enough, no flowers! It was dry as a dessert out there. Last year, it looked like this:

Pretty aye?

Anyways, we ended up driving to Pozo and having a little picnic. I didn't even get dressed up since I thought we'd be frolicking through the dirt and the masses of wildness but to no avail. (Hence, I look like crap)



HAHAHA...I'm just laughing at myself. I think it's so lame that I posted that other blog. Can you tell how freaking tired I am right now...but can't SLEEP?!?!?!? ARGHHHH!!!

So hmmmm...let's see. The last real blog I wrote was when I was still pregnant. WHOA, that was like ages ago. My little girl is now 6 months old and damn, she's perdy.

Born 9/8/06

Now...

Connor's such an awesome big bro. I was worried for no reason at all. He freaking adores Isabella and Isabella adores him even more. I just love watching them both interact with each other. It's such a wonderful sight to see...

(this was taken this morning)

And my hubby is such a dear for putting up with me and my shit. Not that I have a whole lot to dish out, but I know I can be such a moody beotchhh sometimes and I love the fact that he just ignores me when my multiple personalities come out. LOL! Honestly though, I couldn't have asked for a better hubby. He rocks...and it's a plus that he's so damn cute too!

I'm still a SAHM and am loving it more and more each day. I finally stepped down from the SLOCountyMommies group and just spending more time on me and the fam. I miss the leadership aspect of things but for the most part...I think I've made the best decision of letting it go. The group is doing really well though...over 600 members! Crazy...

I've got other things on my plate now...like healthy food and exercise. heh heh. Seriously though, I'm trying to focus more energy on becoming healthier and so far I've lost 37 lbs (28 more to go...SHEEZ)!!! It's an awesome feeling to be active again. I've got a 5K to run in a couple weeks...hope I don't have a heart attack during it. LOL! My next attempt is a mini-triathlon during the summer. Don't hold your breath for that one though...

Ok, so I'm gonna be working on some new projects pretty soon. Not really 100% yet on what I'm gonna do...everything is still in the "thinking" stages. But whatever it is, I know I'll do well at it as long as I put my mind to it. No prob, piece of cake! :)

Soooo glad the weather's so nice these days. I do pray for some good weeks of rain...we need it!

Daddy's little girl...

4 days later and I'm still waiting for Connor to "freak" out. But no, he's been absolutely wonderful. He always says "Hi Isabella" and wants to kiss her and be close to her all the time. It's just wonderful to see him be such a great big brother!!! My hubby is staying home for a month so I am so thankful to have him around. He has been such an emotional mess since Isabella was born. There must be something about having a little girl...Daddy's little girl. It's so wonderful to have our family be complete. These past 4 days have been sooooooooooooo great. I am so happy!!! :)

Welcome to the world Isabella!

Happy Birthday Isabella!

My Birth Story

Around 1:30 am on the morning of Sept 8th (which is a REAL strange coincidence, since this is exactly the same time labor began when I was pregnant with Connor), I felt the need to poo. I had been pooping more than usual for 3 days in a row, so I had a feeling labor was gonna start any day now. Anyhow, I go to the bathroom and right after I'm done, I just felt really anxious. My hands felt really clammy and it felt like there was a chill going through my whole body. I drank 2 full glasses of water and started having contractions. I just felt like I was freezing cold and really anxious. My heart was beating super fast and I started feeling nervous. I called Jeramy at work at around 1:45 AM and told him what was going on. I didn't want to go to the hospital quite yet because I was just so unsure about what was going on...even though I had that feeling. I just KNEW it was time. So I told him I'd call him back. I started timing the contractions and they were like 10 mins apart. I was a little bit hesitant though since I wasn't experiencing any REAL pain yet. About 20 mins later, I called him back at work and told him I think it's time. He had already called his parents (who live right down the street) and they were just waiting for my phone call. The doctor told me to just go into the hospital, considering my history of a quick labor...better safe than sorry. I was really nervous about the whole thing and even then, that whole epidural idea was starting to look really good (even though it wasn't in my birth plan). Isabella was moving like crazy in my tummy too so that's why I was just thinking I was just feeling uncomfortable. But then again, my stomach kept tightening up for longer periods of time which wasn't normal, so I guess it was time!

J's parents came over and his dad brought me to the hospital while his mom stayed with Connor at the house. I think J's dad was more nervous than I was! We got to the hospital at around 2:30 and got into a room right away. At that point, I wasn't feeling clammy or nervous anymore. J's dad to go pick J up from work (since he had carpooled) so I just sat there thinking "PLEASE GOD, don't let this baby come anytime soon". Well, I think God was listening intently at that time since Isabella took her sweet a$$ time! LOL!

By the time J got there, my contractions were 5 mins apart and I was still 4 cm dilated. I had gone to the doc a few days ago and was measured at 4 cm, 80% effaced so in the back of my mind, I was gonna go from 5 cm to 10 cm in no time, just like I did with Connor. Boy was I wrong!!!

Dr. Yin was going out of town that day so she stopped in at 6:40 am to see how I was progressing. She offered to break my water to speed up the process but I refused. I figured it had only been 5 hrs so no big deal. I'll probably be pushing in another hr, right? WRONG! I’m kinda bummed Dr. Yin didn’t deliver my baby, but then again, oh well. Around 8 am, I was finally 5 cm dilated. By that time, I was already over the whole waiting process. My contractions subsided and were sporatic by that time. They went from 5 mins apart to 3 mins apart then 8 mins apart, then all over the place. That’s when I thought…”Could this be false labor?”

The nurse came at 11 am to ask if I wanted to have my water broken by Dr. Storrer (the doc on-call). I refused. I just thought that my body would progress naturally by itself, but by noon I was so tired of waiting already (yes, I have no patience) so I told them that we’d go ahead and rupture my membranes. Dr. Storrer came in at 1 pm and broke my water with this long “knitting” needle. (It’ll be awhile before I start knitting again, that’s for sure! LOL!). It was the yuckiest feeling ever. This huge gush of water came and it just felt like I kept peeing my pants for like 2 hrs. YUCK. At 3 pm, I was 6 cm dilated.

Around 5 pm, the nurses checked me again and I was 7 cm dilated. WOO HOO! I walked around some to try to progress my labor and the contractions were coming on strong by then. I was still able to deal with the pain so it wasn’t a big deal, but I just kept thinking “What if I stay at 7 cm for several hours then 8 cm for a few more hours? I wouldn’t be able to handle that!” They had offered to give me pitocin earlier that day and I refused. I have just heard WAYYYYY to many horror stories about it, so no way. They had offered me an epidural at 5 pm and I refused then, but by 6 pm, the contractions were just getting stronger and stronger so I finally gave in and asked for one.

The anesthiologist Dr. Sherman was one funny guy. He was like, “It took you to get to 7 cm to figure out you wanted an epidural? Sheez. Don’t worry, this is gonna be the best ride of your life. You’re gonna wanna have more babies after this.” HAHAHHA! Other than the epidural shot (which was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to endure, plus the fact that I was getting contractions at the same time…”Don’t move” they said, I wanted to punch them), the whole epidural idea was a GREAT one. I was squeezing J’s hands soooooooo hard, I almost broke them! I was crying so hard by then. I was thinking what a mistake! But when the drugs finally kicked in…HOLY MOLY! I was in heaven. I can’t believe I waited that long for an epidural! I felt like I was in LA LA land. So for the next 2 hours, I just laid there as happy go lucky as can be. Actually, I was pretty happy and smiley all throughout the whole day, so I must admit I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

Anyways, I started feeling some pressure in my butt area right after they gave me the epidural. I couldn’t feel a damn thing anywhere in my lower half though. My legs, my butt, my waist area were all numb. They kept asking me to move (which was kinda dumb on their part, don’t you think?!?) and I thought I was but I barely moved. I did alright though considering. Makes me real thankful for having a normal, healthy body. I can’t imagine what it would really be like to be paralyzed! The nurse checked me at 9 pm to put an internal monitor in and that’s when she realized the baby was already at a +3 station. She kinda gave me a freakish look and said “OMG! The baby’s coming!” Next thing I know, Dr. Storrer came in along with 2 other nurses and they told me to start pushing. They had a hard time telling me WHEN to push since my contractions were coming in waves at 1 min apart. I pushed once (or what I thought was pushing, I couldn’t feel a darn thing!) and Isabella’s head came out. I didn’t realize what was going on until Jeramy started crying and everyone started yelling “SLOW DOWN! She’s already out!” Dr. Storrer didn’t think the delivery part was gonna be that fast, she hadn’t even put on her gown yet and gotten their medical table out yet. After they got everything laid out, they told me to push again and Isabella was completely out.
The doc laid her out on my belly and she just looked amazingly beautiful. She had vernix all over her face and body, and we were all gooey from touching her…but she just looked perfect. Just perfect. Anyways, I thank God for having such a beautiful, normal healthy little girl. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. We are so happy to have her here. Our family is now complete!

Potty time!

Gosh, it's been a long while since I've written anything in here. How sad! There's just more important things to do these days. haha! Anyways, our little boy is growing up! Today he went wee wee on the potty for the 1st time!!! He actually initiated the whole thing himself. We were getting his bath ready when he reached down and grabbed his pants. Then he says, "Momma, Connor needs to go potty." I didn't think anything of it since sometimes he says that just for fun. So I take his pants off and seat him down on the potty. I'm sitting there next to him making the "ssshhhhh ssshhh" sound to encourage him to pee. Next thing I know, his little potty machine starts singing "Yay! You went potty..." He then asks me for toilet paper so I hand it to him, he wipes, then stands up. I look down and there it is...PEEEEEE!!! Yay! I was so incredibly happy, I couldn't contain myself. You have no idea how long ago we introduced this whole potty thing to him and he has had no interest whatsoever. I mean, he'll play pretend and play with his little potty machine but has never really taken it seriously enough. We don't push him or anything since it's really up to him. So yeah, after he wipes, he pushes down the little flush thing and I just kissed and hugged him for like 5 mins. I was so stoked. So I take the little potty cup out and pour down the pee in the toilet and flushed it down the toilet. After I washed the little potty cup, I took his little hand and ran to the kitchen with him. "You get a popsicle for being such a big boy. You went potty!!!" He was sooooooo happy. I can tell he was just feeling so proud. I had to call Jeramy ofcourse and that made Connor even happier to hear how excited I was to tell Daddy. Anyways, I am soooooooooo happy that this has happened (can't you tell?). I have been reading books about potty training to him for months now and he got the whole notion, but it was just so nice to see everything being implemented in real life. What a big boy! To top it all off, after our bedtime routine (play music, read books, kisses and hugs, tucking in, etc)...I was on my way to leaving the room and as I was saying "Nite nite Connor, I love you...I'll see ya tomorrow". He proceeds to tell me that I need to put his baby gate up so I can't come in to wake him up. Can you freaking believe it? We've been leaving the gate down because he's been waking up in the middle of the night every night for the past few weeks. I really think he knows that the baby is coming really soon since he's been acting up lately and become really clingy again. But then again, he's acting like such a big boy too...like he says "I'm a big brother!". Gosh, I am so proud of him. I can't even explain in words how good it feels to have such a wonderful loving boy...

What's going on with...

So I technically had my appt yesterday but they cancelled it when I got there, because the doc was delivering a baby at the hospital. No biggie, except it would have been nice to know beforehand before wasting gas. Oh well. Anyways, I saw the doc today and apparently I've dilated even more. I am now 4-5 cm dilated, still 80% effaced and the baby is at -2 station. She keeps saying how surprised she is that I haven't delivered my baby yet. Well, I think that Isabella's pretty smart for not wanting to come out. It's warm and cozy in there! LOL! I have been feeling contractions here and there, some are pretty scary considering I have been feeling some back pain with some of them...but nothing regular. I have been pooin' a lot more than usual too so I think the baby's just pushing on my intestines and it's just getting really cramped in there. I just hope that once I do go into labor, that Jeramy is home. I'd rather have him take me to the hospital than anyone else. My inlaws and all my friends have been kind enough to offer to drive me to the hospital, if need be, but there's something about the idea of my own husband just being there in my time of need. I just wonder when it's all gonna happen? I wonder if it's gonna be in the middle of the night like Connor or during the day while I'm out and about? I can't believe I'll be having this baby in less than 2 weeks. NUTS! I am so excited though. I can't wait to meet little Isabella. I am contemplating whether or not to call her Izzie or Bella, since Connor keeps calling her Bella. I don't know why this is even a big deal but I think it's important that we take Connor's "opinion" into consideration. I love how he talks to my belly and gives it hugs and kisses. It's not too often that Jeramy has touched my belly or talked to Isabella, which kind of makes me sad but oh well...what can I do? I can't force him. I think there's just something about it not being "real" to him until the baby is actually here. It kinda makes me sad too that he hasn't really taken the time to videotape or take pics of my belly, so I had to hire a professional to do it. But then again, it's like pulling teeth with that man to get him to take ANY pictures anyway. I had my maternity session last Friday and it went great! I hired my friend's sister in law and it was her 1st time taking photos of a pregnant chick, so we were both new at it. She usually takes wedding photographs and I like her style, so I was all about being the guinea pig for her. The session lasted 3 1/2 hrs. We were supposed to go to Montana de Oro beach in Los Osos but it was too foggy so we ended up driving around to find cool places to get photos done. We went to this placed called La Familia Ranch and then out to Avila Beach (which there was a Shark Watch warning for the day). I think the photos will turn out pretty good!! She's sending over the CD with all the pics in a few days. I'm pretty excited. I felt like a STAR for a day. LOL!

Weight gain journal...

Month 1: 147 lbs
Month 2: 150
Month 3: 154
Month 4: 157
Month 5: 161
Month 6 appt: 167
Month 7 appt: 172
July 25: 178
August 7: 184
September 1: 188

Update on my Pregnancy

So I had my 37 week appt yesterday morning and had my 1st internal exam since the very beginning of the pregnancy. Apparently, I'm already 3-4 cm dilated and 80% effaced so I can technically go any day now. I was 4-5 cm dilated and 80% effaced for 3 weeks when I was pregnant with Connor and technically, I delivered 2 weeks early. Only because at my last ultrasound last time, I had my EDD changed from July 6th to June 26th (he was born on the 22nd) & when he was born, the pediatrician says according to his "Ballard age" that he was a week late (really long nails, dry skin, no blood or lanugo on him when born --- really "clean", really hairy, etc).

But anyways, my OB says that on average that the 2nd baby is born faster. She wants to induce me on Sept 14th because she doesn't want me to risk having the baby in the car. LOL! She keeps joking about how I don't wanna make front page news! My labor & delivery was a total of 3 hrs with Connor, only an 1 1/2 hr of it was at the hospital. I went from 5 cm at 3:00 am when we checked in at the hospital and went to 10 cm at 4 am... and I delivered at 4:42 am. So I'm scared that I might not make it in time!

I guess my point is this: I am hoping to have a 100% natural birth again (vaginal, no drugs, no induction, etc) but if induction means not risking having the baby in the car or at home, then should I go for it? I mean, I COULD have this baby any day now but is inducing really the right answer IF I don't give birth by the 14th? I don't know what to think considering I'm really against inducing in the first place. I am just getting paranoid now thta I might not make it in time to the hospital. And to think, the doc might just wanna induce to make sure she's getting paid. UGH!

I carry your heart...

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

4D Ultrasound...so cool!

Went to Central Coast 4D Ultrasound today to get a 4D done. It was really cool. Jeramy was really skeptical about seeing "4D" but he seemed to enjoy it as well. Too bad little Isabella didn't really cooperate. It would have been really cool to see her face or even her side profile. But the little stinker had both of her arms crossed in front of her face, so all we could really see was her nose and mouth. We could tell she has J's nose and my lips though...just like Connor. The ultrasound lady says she has big feet too...so does Connor! I'm really bummed we didn't get to see her facial features though. After looking at all the advertisements and stuff, I was really hoping I could compare the 4D to her real face when she's born just to see how similar it is. Just our luck huh!? Oh well, at least it was free! :)

I wonder if they're gonna look alike? That would be so weird if she came out with my features and J's coloring. But either way, she's gonna be so damn cute just like Connor is. Connor's so excited (well as excited as a toddler's gonna be) about being a big brother. I've been reading big brother books to him and always talking to him about how he's gonna be such a great big brother. I wonder if he even really gets it? It's really endearing though when he comes up to my belly and kisses my belly button. He talks to little Isabella and says "Hi sis" or "Hi Bella". I just love it.

Visiting Jennster...

On Saturday, we went over to Novato and visited Jennster and her boyfriend. Loree was there visiting from Simi so it awesome to see her too! We went out to dinner and just played cards, watched a movie and hung out for the rest of the night. It's been awhile since I've hung out with both girls...brings back a lot of memories.

It was great seeing my Jennster so happy with Chris. It's crazy that the last time I saw Chris was the 1st time I met him...Jenn's 30th bday party. And even then, I KNEW they were meant to be together. To think, they're getting married next year! I LOVE IT!

As for Loree dearest...she still looks great! I have my own personal opinions about the guy she's dating (since ummm, yeah she's dating Chris' best friend). So I'll keep my mouth shut...

J and I had so much fun visiting. I was sad to leave, knowing I won't be seeing them for a long time. I just wish we all lived closer. I mean, we're lucky enough that we can drive a few hrs to see each other but still, it sucks.

J & I went to San Francisco for our last rendezvous before the baby comes. We stayed at the same hotel we stayed at the last time we were here (when we 1st dated). It was SUITE...as in yes, we stayed in a suite! They upgraded us for free. We have no idea why, but whatever, we were stoked! We got into SF pretty late after leaving Paul & Marisa's wedding reception. After checking in, we walked around looking for a place to eat. We ended up at a place called "Hana Zen". It was a pretty good sushi place. The prices were very comparable to the Central Coast and it was a pretty cool setting. We were pretty tired so we went to bed early since we had a long day ahead of us!

Shopping on Saturday & walking around downtown was so much fun! I found my new favorite store "H&M". The prices are freaking incredibly cheap and the styles were so me...except there weren't that many clothes I could fit in with this big fat belly. So I have to go back when I'm back to my sexy self! We met up with my Tita and Tito and had lunch with them at Wolfgang Puck's. It was cool seeing them again. It's been awhile.

So yeah, if you're wondering who that guy is in the pic...it's my boyfriend. Sssshhhh...j/k. He's some Abercrombie Fitch model standing in front of the store and J made me take a photo with him. LOL! I don't even think he's that hot...well his body is, not so much the face. ha!

Leaving San Francisco makes me sad. There's just so many things to do, places to see, and so much shopping to be done! J & I were talking about how cool it would be to live there if it is was just him and me. It's not really a place you could raise a family in, but damn, if we were back in our partying days...it'd be fun to live there for a year or something!

Paul's Wedding

We can't believe Paul actually got married. Just 2 Christmases ago, he was depressed over not having anyone special in his life and that his relationships were all a failure. Now look at how happy he is!

Jeramy and I drove to Livermore to go to their wedding reception. It was really nice and relaxing. They had this amazing ambrosia salad there...I could have eaten the whole thing! I really need to find the recipe for that. (Note to self)

Paul's wife is really pretty and VERY smart. We asked her what she did for work and this is how the conversation went:

j & i: "So what do you do for work?"
her: "I'm a microbiologist. I do research for the government."
j & i: "So like what kind of research?"
her: "Well it's top secret stuff...I really can't say...but it's mostly infectious diseases and bacteria"
j: "Wow honey, she's smarter than you!"
paul: "hahaha"
me: "Wow, she's smart honey. I don't know what we can talk about now..."
paul: "hahahaha"
j & i: "Ummmm so yeah...Hmmmm"
me: "Oh wait, I know...is the whole Avian bird flu for real?" (I'm totally thinking I am sooooo smart for even coming up with THIS question...HA!)
her: "Oh gosh, it's been around for decades. It's only a big deal now because the media just got a hold of it."
j: "So yeah, we don't really know what to talk to you about so next time we see you, we promise we would have done our research and we'll have something cool to bring up."
her: "Ummm...ok"

I don't think she thought we were funny, but Paul seemed to think it was all funny because he just sat there and laughed the whole time. I just don't know how to talk to smart people these days. My mommy brain allows me to know my ABC's, 123's, sing nursery rhymes, and just make sure I put my damn shoes on before leaving the house! LOL!

Well, we had a good time hanging out with the newlyweds. Paul's sister interviewed us and videotaped it, asking what advice we had for the couple. J & I just laughed and said:

j: "Just nod and say 'UH HUH' and pretend you're really listening."
me: "Remember the woman is ALWAYS right"

HA! 

Happy Independence Day!

J had to work today so Connor & I celebrated the 4th of July with his Godmother, Corinne. We went to the parade in Templeton in the morning and he seemed to really enjoy it. It was just way TOO hot and I was extremely hungry so we went inside Joe's Place and ate breakfast...therefore missing the rest of the parade (though we watched most of it through the windows). My super hyperactive boy desperately needed a nap after the parade ('cause silly guy decided to wake up extra early this morning!) but we went shopping at Target instead. Ofcourse that didn't help matters much because it only made him MORE hyper = really tired. Anyways, we went home and we both took a nap and spent some time with Daddy when we woke up, before he headed off to work. Connor and I then went to Corndog's fiance's house and BBQ'd with some friends. Then we headed over to Templeton Park and saw an array of fireworks shows & set off our own fireworks, which ofcourse was led by a team of "men", ahem boys (funny how grown up men become such little boys around fireworks). Connor had a blast!!! It was really loud and smokey, but we really enjoyed it. There's just something about fireworks that really gets you pumped up. Poor little Isabella in my belly was probably wondering what the heck was going on outside her safe haven. Well, we had a long and eventful day. So glad it's over though. I am pooped!

Happy Birthday Connor!

I can't believe my little boy is now 2 years old. It seems only like yesterday that he was born into this world! Connor has been such a wonderful blessing in our lives. He is such an intelligent, friendly, caring, just amazing little boy. It's funny how we can see how he's developed different aspects of our personalities. I am glad he has more of Daddy's than mine. LOL! He definitely has my temper though...as is it is becoming more prominent now that he is 2.

We had two birthday parties for him. One on his actual birthday and another one during the weekend after for all the friends & family to celebrate with us. He had a wonderful time, even though it proved to be more stressful for me. I doubt we're gonna have another big bday party until HE can decide who to invite. It's just too much of a hassle really...even though I LOVE planning parties. It's just hard to actually carry out when you're preggers.

Connor got a lot of cool (and not so cool) toys. A lot of it's going into storage for future use. He just has wayyyyyy too many toys in the house and in the backyard already. Maybe our little baby girl will make use of it someday? Well I just wanted to commemorate my little boy's special day!!!

27 weeks and counting...

• Had another appt with the nurse practitioner (Lori Melson) today. Nothing special happened, just another 10 min appt. Weighed in at 167 lbs. Gained a total of 20 lbs...so far so good! I am keeping "on track" with the whole weight gain thing. I just need to maintain it this last trimester, considering my past history of gaining 27 lbs the last 3 months while pregnant with Connor (YIKES!). I had a pelvic exam done because I've been feeling a lot of pressure down there. The NP says it's way too early to be feeling pressure down there considering the baby's too small still. Everything looked fine and seemed normal. The baby is doing great and is quite an active little one. I mean...seriously REALLY active, a lot more than Connor ever was. She's been having hiccups for awhile now and is totally annoying but feels special at the same time.
  
  Some pregnancy "symptoms" I'm experiencing are:
  
  - some heartburn, only after I drink soda (which I normally don't drink when not pregnant by the way) and/or eat fast food (which I normally don't eat when not pregnant either).
  
  - I've had a total LOVE for fast food, cheesburgers and french fries. YUM! So not good for my healthy diet, but I can't help eat. I still crave ice cream like usual, but don't give in each time. This is really weird for me considering I've never had much self-control when it comes to ice cream before!!! LOL!
  
  - Swollen feet. Maybe it's because it's hot like a mofo outside these days but anytime I'm on my feet longer than 20 mins, it seems my feet swell up like crazy. I didn't experience swollen feet at all until I was 8 mos pregnant with Connor.
  
  - Acne is not as bad as I experienced it with Connor. The 1st trimester was pretty bad this time around but my skin is looking perdy good for being this far along. It did get worse when I breastfed last time and I am really hoping it doesn't happen again this time. I looked so ugly with all that acne!!!
  
  - Sciatica isn't that bad this time around either. It comes and goes, worsens when I walk too much (TOO much is like a mile or so). Sometimes it just hits for no apparent reason either, which just makes the day much longer when you're running around a toddler!
  
  - I am constantly tired. I feel like I have absolutely no energy some days. I do try to nap when Connor naps during the day though, so that helps me feel somewhat more energized for the rest of the day. I want to nap at all times during the day but can't sleep at night. Which leads me to...
  
  - Really bad insomnia. Some nights I can't sleep until 3 am and I wake up when Connor wakes up at 6:30 or 7 (GETTING UP is a whole another issue though). Jeramy has been sooooooooooo good to me and letting me sleep in while he takes care of Connor. I love him so much for that.
  
  - Leg cramps. Damn these leg cramps. Only had a few really bad ones so far (one woke me up and I seriously wanted to kill something...thank goodness my loving hubby helped massage my leg!). I had some days where my legs just feel DEAD. I hate that feeling. I feel like I ran a marathon or something because my legs feel so sore and crampy, some days they are completely numb. Icy Hot doesn't do shit for my legs. Just gotta eat more bananas right? RIGHT! LOL!
  
  - Itchy skin. So yeah, we have a ton of mosquitoes that bite me all throughout the day in our newly landscaped yard BUT still, I feel like my skin is tight and taut and just needs to be scratched. My poor legs look all beat up from me scratching the hell out of them. Oh well, it feels damn good when I scratch!
  
  - I barely grew any hair on my legs when I was preggo with Connor but this time around, hair on my legs are growing like weeds. I am too lazy to shave them. But J was so proud of me...I just shaved them the other day for the 1st time in a month. I mean, they weren't THAT hairy, but he definitely notices. haha
  
  - still having a little bit of nausea. NP says it's dehydration so I have been drinking a ton of water. It seems to help. I am having the worst habit of chewing on ice too. My poor teeth!
  
  - My gums aren't bleeding that badly but they are bleeding some. Totally normal according to the NP...- Constipation. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I hate it. What can I say? I wish we didn't have to poo at all. It is such a chore. But when it all comes out, soooooooooooooooo much like heaven. Well ok, sorry for "too much information" but for those who have been constipated for days, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
  
  I think that's about it for now! I need to go to bed!!!!!!!!!

 

Lessons Learned Part I

So I don't know why I've been thinking about this and why it's even important??? But I just wanted to write a little something about the things I've learned from the people that have been in my life in one way or another. I'm gonna start out with the men. I'm not talking about my Dad, my brother, my cousin...I'm talking about men (or boys) that I've been with in the past and the man I love & will always love forever (yes you, my dear husband).

I guess I started looking back at my past relationships and realized I wasn't always the best person in general. I didn't treat a lot of these guys the way they should have been treated. I was selfish & immature in a lot of ways. I don't regret anything, only because its made me who I am today...but I do appreciate the lessons I've learned from all the relationships I've had with them. May those relationships been short or long, it doesn't really matter. I learned something important in each one. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I do realize now how important all those relationships have been in shaping the person I am today.

I have always been "involved" in one way or another ever since I was 16 years old. It was hard for me to be alone and I know that some of the "relationships" I was in was all based on convenience alone. It sucks to realize that this was the kind of person I was. I guess I am reminiscing, not because I'm unhappy with my current relationship (God knows I've never been happier!) but I just feel bad for some of the things I've done to some of these people and for the way I treated the relationship with them in general. I'm not saying I've never had my heart broken, but I did my fair share of hurting people and in a way I am writing this as way of making peace with myself or posting it on a public blog as a kind of subliminal message to those people (some of whom are on Myspace).

I have always been the person to move on fairly easily because I have never really let people get TOO close. I thought it was a matter of strength on my part, but I definitely think it was more of weakness. My sisters and friends were always amazed at how quickly I would regain my self-confidence and continue to live life as if nothing ever happened. In my mind, I knew that we could only control so much of our lives. Control is an illusion. So why would I sit there and cry over something I couldn't control? But the truth was...I couldn't stand to feel my true emotions. I am weak when it comes to emotions and have been slowly learning in the past 3 years that it is OK to FEEL. My husband and my son most of all have taught me so much and I am learning from them each and every day. And because of that, I am learning to truly open up and learning how to make amends with my past.

J - You have taught me the real meaning about unconditional love. That honesty truly is the best policy. That the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a bunch of crap. I love you for keeping me grounded and for telling me exactly how it is, without bending over backwards to make me happy. I like being treated like a woman, as an adult, as a friend and not just your wife. Not a day goes by that we miss telling each other "I love you" and actually really mean it. You are my sunshine. No words can truly express what you really mean to me...

Mase - You opened up my eyes to the underlying causes of the person I was becoming...an alcoholic, a person you couldn't trust (b/c of what happened with Jonathan), someone who was not available emotionally (being on the cell phone 90f the time we hung out), etc. Though I defended myself to the nth degree for my actions, you taught me to really take a look at what I was doing to myself and made me realize that I needed to change. In a weird way, you also helped me take a look at the people in my life and made me realize who my true friends were. Your honesty helped me.

Jonathan - the person who told Mase about the person that I was (about that night). You taught me that word gets around and I need to be more careful (and thoughtful) about my actions. I have never really been slapped in the face per se before that time and you too, helped me realize what kind of person I was.

Alex - You taught me that age doesnt really matter. Its a matter of the chemistry and the actual relationship between 2 people. We knew what kind of relationship we had and it was all fun & games (or so we thought) until one of us got hurt. You taught me that no matter how many times we tell ourselves we dont care, we really do. That goes for all aspects in life.

Mikey - You taught me the real meaning of friendship. I never believed in friends becoming lovers. I was always one to believe that platonic relationships DO work (and yes, they do!). You are the only friend Ive ever dated. After all the shit that I had done in the past & knowing exactly the person that I was, you were still willing to be with me. Long-distance relationships suck but they do work out, as long as both people want it to work. I tried, I really did. You taught me that you need to put yourself first sometimes, even if it hurts the other person. I was so used to putting other people first.

Brian - You taught me how fun life can bewith or without drugs. LOL! Seriously though, you taught me that laughter truly is the best medicine and that drama can eventually kill your soul. We need more of one and less of the other, thats for damn sure. Youre another one that has taught me the meaning of friendship, to really be there for someone. The art of listening is a skill you have and I have yet to learn.

Tyler - You taught me the true meaning of passionanger, love, motivation, music, poetry, etc. Though you always said you werent the type of person to keep in touch with exes, we managed to keep in touch just fine. So in a way, you learned something yourself!!!

Thomas - You taught me the meaning of a fling w/ strings attached. J I know that seems like a dumb thing to say, but we knew better that our relationship was a dead end. But you did write letters to keep it going and I appreciated that. You taught me that two lost souls can be lost together, but may never find each other.

Bobby B - You taught me the meaning of romance. Never had I ever experienced any of the nice things you did for me. I am sure it wasnt a big deal to you, but it was to me. Wined and dined. Flowers. Poetry. Oooh la la

Rob - You taught me that money really doesnt matter. You made millions and I thought I could overlook all your flawsbut I guess I couldnt! My mom wanted me to stay with you regardless of all the crapand thank God, I was smart enough to listen to my own heart. You helped open up my eyes to the fact that I could care less about money if the man youre with is a shithead. Money can NOT buy you love.

Johnny - You showed me true emotions even if it embarrassed you. You really cared and I treated you like you were nothing. You taught me about how big of a shithead I was. It took me several more years to become less of a shithead, trust me.

Moe - You taught me about deceit and the fact to never ever date your friends ex. I lost a lot of friends because of you and my own selfishness. Friends do care. That whole situation taught me how important friends really are in your life.

Bobby M - my 1st true love. You taught me a lot. You put me high up on a pedestal that it took many, MANY years after to get used to the idea that Im not always going to be #1. Passion, intimacy, sacrifice, trust, friendshipthese were all the positive sides of our almost 5 yr relationship. But you also taught me about possessiveness, bitterness, hatred, negativity, and whatever else we shared that should never exist in a relationship. I have never seen the ugly side of me until you entered my lifenor have I ever seen the most beautiful side of me either. It was all a matter of perspective and thank you for teaching me all about perspectives. You taught me the true meaning of being special and all those memories will never be forgotten.

VOTE FOR MY KID!

So yeah, I'm such a dorky mommy...I entered my son in a Babies Photo Contest. The theme is MESSY BABY and considering how messy he gets all the time, I had tons of pics to choose from. I picked his 1st bday pic when he was running around chasing the kids with his cake-infested self because I thought it was perfect for the theme and it's just way too cute.

Sooooooo from June 8th thru the 14th...VOTE FOR CONNOR!!! (page #16: Connor M)http://www.babiesonline.com/babycontest/votedo.asp

Thank you soooooooooooo much! 

It's a...

GIRL!!!

We found out this morning that we'll be having a baby girl. She weighs approximately 13 ounces. The doc says that the baby looks perfectly healthy and normal. So it's all good! We are very excited. She was so cute, yes even in the ultrasound! She yawned a couple of times and she was laid out lengthwise across my lower abdomen. She was holding her hands together and had her legs stretched out as if she was relaxing. As the doc says, "she's loungin". Oh, I can already see she's so much like her Daddy! LOL!It's funny because I was trying to force myself to not really care about the gender of the baby. I was even afraid of having a girl (maybe it's because I grew up with 3 sisters? LOL!). I was so set in having a boy because 1) it just seemed easier since I already "know" what to do. 2) it'll be cheaper since we kept most of Connor's stuff and there really isn't much for boys out there. 3) don't have to worry about having to wipe from front to back. LOL! Seriously though, I didn't really care whether or not it was a boy or girl. That is, until last night. I had a dream that we were at the doc's office getting the ultrasound done and the doc said it was a boy. I felt disappointed and woke up feeling sad for some reason. I guess that's when I realized, I really WANTED a girl. So I was really nervous and excited on the way to the doctor's (Dr. Cedar). I even text messaged all my closest friends and family. I told them to place their bets. $10 per bet...a good way for a stay at home mom to make some $$$. haha. Well, obviously I lost and NO I ain't paying shit. :) I mean...everyone bet on a girl. But then again, I think everyone had a pretty good sense about it because I told them everything...all my symptoms so far are opposite with what I had with Connor, I am not as bitchy & irritable as I was with Connor and everyone's saying how I'm "glowing". Not that I wasn't happy with my pregnancy during Connor but it has definitely been more relaxing now than it was w/ Connor. Maybe because we didn't know what to expect? Who knows?I didn't have any morning sickness with Connor but the sciatica from 3 months on was just horrible. So I prayed and prayed, asking for morning sickness any day over sciatica. But when the morning sickness came...oh my goodness, I wanted to die! haha! The sciatica hasn't been that bad this time around but when it hits, I am pretty much in a lot of pain. It sucks being in that much pain and trying to run around a little toddler! But Connor is so caring and affectionate, he takes care of his Momma!

It's positive!

So yes, it's confirmed. I am pregnant. For how long? Who knows?! It's killing me that I don't know when my baby's due. Why don't I know this? Well, it's a long story but here it is. (This may be too much info for some people, so just warning you now before you continue).

I didn't get my period back until April '05, when Connor was about 10 months old. I was lucky enough to get it that late, but since then, I had my period regularly which I never experienced before. I always had irregular periods pre-pregnancy so I never knew when to expect my period until "Surprise!" So anyways, it just so happened that the cycle started and the next cycle started within the same month...so yes, I got my period twice a month. Yes, you read that right. TWICE a month. It was insane. I would get my "1st" period at the regular time and that would last for like a week and it was heavy. Then 28 days later, I would have my period again. So this went on and on and on (what seemed like forever!) until October. Then in November, I had my last "regular" period and in December, I spotted for like 3 days.

So the confusion: do I state that my LMP (last menstrual period) was in November or December??? I had my first doctor's appointment on Feb. 21st, a month after I took some home pregnancy tests and got my original positives. It was driving me crazy that I had to wait that long to even get an appt but I guess it was their office policy to not see you until you were technically 8 weeks pregnant. Well, I got my nunu examined and the damn nurse practitioner couldn't tell how far along I was.

I had the ultrasound done on Feb. 28th and the tech tells me she can't tell me how far along I am. The doc has to be the one to do it..."office policy", she says. Office policies my ass!!!! I am sick and tired of waiting. I have been waiting a freaking month already and that's all you have to tell me? BITCH. Anyways, I know it's not her fault so let me just take a breather. Alright, I'm ok now.

Anyways, so yeah...I have to wait now until MARCH 22nd to find out anything!!! But let me tell you this, I was not expecting to see what I saw in the ultrasound. I was expecting to see a little peanut, something that didn't "look" like a baby. But guess what? It sure looks like a baby alright!!! It's so cute. The baby's heart beat was going 171 BPM. I don't know why but the whole thing was surreal. I guess I didn't really expect a "real" baby to be in my tummy already. Granted, with all the morning sickness/tiredness/insomnia/mood swings...I FEEL pregnant. I guess it just wasn't all that real to me until I saw the ultrasound. Crazy huh?!

Connor and Daddy were there to share the experience with me so that made it even more special. Connor was really tired and wanted to nap, so he was being really clingy to me. I went in the bathroom to change into my gown and he cried for me the whole time. Then I laid down on the gurney and he cried some more. Then he watched the TV screen and was in awe for like 3 seconds...then cried some more. LOL! He was out as soon as we got in the car.

Anyways, just wanted to share our ultrasound pic with y'all. How far along do YOU think I am? According to the calendar, if I'm counting Nov. 23rd as my LMP then I'm 14 weeks. If I count Dec. 20th as my LMP then I'm 10 weeks. Either way, I'm ready for this. I just wanna know when my freaking due date is. Maybe that would help me sleep better at night?? haha, yeah right...

Baby steps!

I can't believe Connor is now 11 months old!!! Wow, time flies when you're having fun! It's been since February since I've updated this thing so I have A LOT to write...YIKES!!!

First off, Connor has been standing on his own and finally taking baby steps! He's been working on this for the last month and is really close to walking!!! He takes 4 or 5 steps until he falls down or purposely sits down cautiously. It's so cute!!! It's been very exciting here at the homefront these past few weeks and we truly are so proud of our little boy. It seems like he's learning something new everyday and is continously surprising us with his new tricks. He's becoming such a big boy now and as exciting as all this has been, it's also quite saddening to see that he's growing up SOOOOOOOOO fast! He's no longer the helpless little baby we brought home from the hospital 11 months ago. He's becoming quite independent, though he's still pretty much "Mama's Boy" and clings to me like crazy. haha! He's a really social and outgoing little boy and thrives on attention, especially from "older girls". He has no fear of strangers, but has some serious separation anxiety issues still. We've tried leaving him in the nursery at our church numerous times and he's still putting up a fight each time he's left in there. It takes him about 15 mins to calm down...which is much better than the 30-45 mins it took in the beginning! I had to stay in there with him the first few tries. But as soon as I left later on, he would freak out! This is still a constant battle with him. However, on a more positive note, he doesn't mind being left with Grandpa and Grandma Moen, since he knows them very well. They watch him for us a couple nights a week so I can work out at the gym or Jeramy and I can have some alone time together. This has been a true blessing!!! We consider ourselves pretty lucky! :)

We've just begun our transition from having him sleep in our bed to having him sleep in his own room. He absolutely despises the crib so we are trying to find out what a good situation will be for all of us. He likes sleeping on his fold-out Spiderman sofa in his own room and we're thinking of just taking the crib out altogether and having him just sleep on his sofa on the floor (with the room fully secure and baby-proofed ofcourse!). But it's all a work in progress, so we will see! We're hoping that this transition will only take a month, so he can be sleeping in his own room, through the night, by his 1st birthday! (We're not going to hold our breaths! haha!). I'm also hoping that this transition will help with the weaning process, as I would like to stop breastfeeding completely by the time he is 13 months old. Here's to hoping!

Let's see, here's a list of what Connor's been doing these days:

- crawling like mad! and starting to walk!!! WOO HOO!

- Clapping on command or when he's thrilled at himself (sooooooooo freakin' cute when he does this and he does it ALL the time!)

- Words he uses everyday: Mama, Dada, ball, doggie, truck (he emphasizes the "ck" sound), fan ("fahh"), chimes ("chh"), kitty ("key"), book, baba (AKA milk), go, cool or wow or whoa (when he likes something), and is trying very hard to say his own name!

- points at everything!

- knows where the "nose" is (points at it and grabs it) and nipples are "baba" (haha!)...yes, I'm still breastfeeding (we'll be starting the weaning process very soon!)

- "sign language": bye-bye (waves), I want that or look at that (points), Pick me up (throws both arms up in the air), Feed me Mom! (tries to pull my shirt down or nuzzles his face into my neck), I love you (kisses or lays his head down on our chest), No or I don't want that (turns head away), Yay! (claps), etc.

- games he loves to play: "I'm gonna get you" (start chasing him when he's crawling, grab him, then pick him up...and start all over again), "Tickle tickle" (self-explanatory), "Catch" (bounces or throws the ball back and forth), "Soccer" (he pushes the ball around the house with his hands and literally goes all over the place "kicking" the ball with his hands and sometimes when we're walking him around, he kicks the ball with his feet), "Rock n Roll" (when we are lying down on the ground, he lies on top of us and we rock side to side together), "Airplane" (when we're lying down on the ground and have him up in the air when he's lying down on our lower legs)

- Books he loves reading (and he LOVES reading!): Goodnight Moon, Veggie Tales: God Made You Special, The Little Cricket, Caterpillar Spring/Butterfly Summer

- Songs he loves singing and dancing to: ABC's, Old McDonald, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Farmer in the Dell, You are my sunshine (I've sang this to him every day since he was in my womb!), If you're happy and you know it

- Movies he LOVES (thanks to the library!): Elmo's "Let's Make Music", Elmo's World shows...these are the only movies/shows he'll sit still for longer than 15 mins! We've tried Winnie the Pooh, Blue's Clues, Clifford, Disney movies, Baby Mozart, etc and he didn't like those!

- Favorite toys: any type of ball, Brainy Baby spin/rolling toy, Learning Puppy, dump trucks, Ball Popper, walker, blocks

- Favorite foods: sweet potatoes, cheese, crackers, sweet corn, yogurt, Cheerios, bananas, pasta

- Things he enjoys doing the most: playing with animals (dogs and cats), being outdoors (he LOVES nature, trees, flowers, birds, grass, dirt, etc.), bath times, playing with the dishwasher, fridge and vaccum, reading, singing & dancing, watching Elmo's "Let's Make Music", being in the backpack carrier, pushing his ball around, cuddling with Mommy and Daddy, shopping

- Things he dislikes: having his face wiped, Hokey Pokey Elmo (he is deathly afraid of it! so funny!), stuffed toys that "talk" (except for his Learning Puppy), being put in his car seat (unless he's super tired or doesn't have the energy to fight), going to sleep, hearing "no", teething (we absolutely hate it when he's teething! talk about CRANKY PANTS and NO SLEEP!)

There's so much more to write but I'm afraid it's time for me to go nite nite. Connor wakes up around 7 am these days and our days are full of activities with the Mommy's group! Hopefully, I will write more tomorrow but we'll see!

Roseola Infantum

We had to go to ER today. We were getting ready for b-day BBQ and Jeramy was changing Connor when he noticed that there was a rash all over the trunk and back of his body. I checked him throroughly and found more on his head, neck and starting to get on his face. SOOOOOO...we cancelled our BBQ and headed over to Twin Cities hospital only to find out that there were way to many people already waiting to be seen. So we drove down to San Luis and went to Sierra Vista hospital. We were the 2nd ones there...BUT since they had this Triage system, we ended up waiting 2 1/2 hrs before Connor was finally seen. The wait in the lobby was quite interesting...since most of those who were there were ummm...Jeramy's "inmate-friends" from work. heh heh

Anyways, I guess Connor has a classic case of what's called Roseola Infantum. It's a common baby virus that occurs mostly during the spring and autumn months. It starts with 3-4 days of really high fever and when the fever goes away, a rash all over the body develops. He has been nursing quite a bit more frequently and will hardly touch his solid foods. He also seems really tired in that he wants to sleep every hour, but is quite active while he's awake. He's just a bit more grumpy than usual. The rash started on the trunk and back of his body but has spread to his legs, arms, face and head. I guess it's not common for it to spread to the palms of the hands or the soles of the feet. The rash is basically the end of the virus and the fever was supposed to be the worst end of it. So PHEW, thank goodness it's almost over. For his sake and ours!

Happy birthday to me...

Happy Birthday to me!!! I am now 28 years old! We didn't do too much today. We just relaxed at the house. It was really nice that Jeramy let Connor and I sleep in this morning until noon. It was nice waking up to some Oreo cake and gifts!!! Jeramy's awesome...he even sang Happy Birthday while Connor sat on my lap. It's really funny what I wished for...heh heh

We went out to Oasis, a Moroccan restaurant in SLO, which has become a favorite of ours. Jeramy's family came to celebrate my bday with me. Gosh, the food is sooooo good!!! I wish we were rich so we could eat there all the time. LOL Connor was still feeling pretty run-down but he seemed to handle it just fine. He's really attached to me right now, so he fusses when I'm not carrying him or near him. But hey, that's normal...I mean, he's with me all the time. How could he not feel anxious when he's separated from me? I wish I could say this is a new phase he's going through but he's always been like this. Ooohhh...I can't wait until the actual separation anxiety phase happens! haha

Well, Jeramy got me my glasses and contacts for my bday along with some DVD's. Jeramy's family got me my food processor which has been on my wish list for months now. I am so excited...can't wait to try it out! :)

Poor sicky Connor...

We had Connor checked out by the nurse today since he's had a fever of over 103 for the last 2 days now. It started on Tuesday night. The fever subsides with some Tylenol but for some reason, the fever keeps coming back and is getting higher. He's beenr really cranky the past few weeks and has had a slight fever now and then, which I just associated with teething. But I never expected a fever this high!

Well, the nurse says that his ears and lungs are clear. So it looks like it's just the common flu. We're supposed to expect a fever for another 24 hours for a total of 72 hours. If the fever persists, then we need to call the doc's office again. Well, I hope it goes away! Our poor baby!!!

1st tooth for the boy!

OMG! Connor's 1st tooth is finally peeping through his gumline. IT's on the lower left and he's totally gnawing on everything. I can tell he's in a lot of pain...poor boy! But how cute...he's finally got his 1st tooth!!! yAY!

I'm being strong...

My son is crying his eyes out right now. He's woken up atleast 3 times in the last 3 hours and I don't know what else to do. I've nursed him each time and he seems to go back to sleep but then he wakes up again 30 mins later. This goes on every single night. I know it's my own damn fault for nursing him back to sleep each time, but I am sick and tired of it. I've had enough!

So I'm letting him cry it out. I know it's against my beliefs of Attachment Parenting but I'm just really tired. I've been so sleep-deprived these past 7 months, especially these past few weeks. I get about 1-2 hrs straight and then he wakes up again. I'm too tired to deal with it in the middle of the night so to make things easier on myself, I just nurse him back to sleep. All the while, my husband is lying there...not even aware that we've been in and out of sleep numerous times. I've tried reading books and talking to other moms to comfort me, because God knows I need all the support I can get right now. But it's different when you're actually experiencing it. All the books and all the things my friends say can't comfort me. I am just at a loss right now...how the hell can I get my baby to sleep and to stay asleep???

So yeah, he sleeps with us in the bed, so that doesn't make things easier. But I can't see myself putting him in a crib. Connor's always hated the crib, the cradle, the bassinet, the swing...he'd rather be right next to me or in my arms. I mean, I would prefer that too if I was a baby. Now that he's 7 months...is it a bit late to change things up?

I guess I should've listened to my husband from the very beginning. He wanted to do things differently. He thinks my way is "overbearing" and I think his is "neglectful"...so whose right? We rarely fight but when we do, it's always about this shit. When we talked about parenting before having the baby, we agreed on a lot of the main topics. But noone or nothing prepared us for this. Who knew we were gonna have a "high need" baby? Damn, he's still crying and it's been an hour already. I am gonna keep sitting here until he stops 'cause I'm afraid I'm gonna flip out right now. I laid down with him for half an hour and he just kept on crying. I know he wants the boob, but he ain't gonna get it. I am pooped.

I don't have the energy nor the patience to sit there and listen to him cry. My ears are ringing and my eyes are sore. I know it'd make life a lot easier right now if I just went in and breastfed, but NO. I am going to be strong. If my husband saw me right now, I think he'd give me a big hug and smile to himself thinking, "Aww, she's getting to be a big girl now." And if he did, I'd probably smack him right now. LOL

Oh well, I guess I should go in and check on him. Maybe my ever loving presence will quiet him?? haha, I can only wish...

7 months and counting...

Wow, two more days and Connor will be 7 months old. I can't believe it!!! He's growing up so fast!

He's definitely wanting to act like a grownup. He's always wanting to get up and walk around (with our help ofcourse). He's always pulling up or climbing on us. It's kinda funny because he's so ambitious. Once he gets up on both his feet while holding on to our hands, he lets go of one hand and just stands there with the biggest smile ever. He's definitely working on his balance and is getting better at it each day. He even manages to take a few steps this way and then falls on his butt. He used to get so scared when he landed on his butt but I think he's getting used to it now.

He doesn't like it on his tummy as much, but he's starting to get the hang of it. He lifts up his chest and holds his butt up, then tries to get on his knees. When he does accomplish the all-fours stance, he starts rocking back and forth. But then he gets really frustrated and starts whining like a little baby...LOL

He has also learned to scoot with his butt. When he's reaching for something while sitting down, he lunges forward with all his wee might and then he just kinda inches forward...closer and closer until he reaches his goal. It's really neat to watch. We can see his brain working and he's very intent. He focuses on everything so well, then kinda snaps out of his focus once he sees us watching him.

Oh yeah, when he climbs on me...it is so darling! He turns to me and gives me a hug. He loves to cuddle and just loves being close to us, especially to me. He is definitely VERY attached to me. I guess this is expected since I'm with him 24/7!

He's still very interested in nature. He loves plants, trees, animals, being outside...I took him to the zoo the other day and he was so mesmerized with the tigers. And lucky us, the damn tigers sprayed VERY closely to us. That was our cue to leave...heh heh

Then I took him for a 3 mile walk in his jogger stroller around the lake. He loved it so much, he was asleep for most of it!!! It was such a lovely day. I'm glad the nice days are back, but I miss the rain. We need it!!

Well, Jeramy's at work and it's 2 AM. I wish I could sleep but I've tried and I just can't. I'm so used to hanging out with him until the wee hours of the night, so now my whole clock is set to his schedule. But then again, I've always been an insomniac. I just feel the tiredness more now than I did when I was younger. I can still function though and that's all that matters.

Connor has been in bed since 10:30 and he's only woken up once, so that's pretty good. I love watching him when he sleeps. He's sooooooooo adorable, especially when he smiles in his sleep. I think my mom said that babies smile in their sleep when they're full, or something like that. Whatever the reason is, I think it's so damn cute when it happens!!

Oh yeah, we have our webcam set up now so people can watch us over the internet. When I say people, I mean people who KNOW us. We gave both my mom and my sister (the mom of my nephew DJ) webcams for Xmas, since we all live so far from each other. Now we just talk to each other online and view each other's webcams. It's pretty neat. My parents LOVE it and Connor really enjoys interacting with the monitor. :) I think it's so hilarious when my parents act all silly on the webcam. My mom starts singing nursery rhymes to Connor and since the broadcast is a bit slow, Connor is just trying to figure out what the heck is going on. But I can tell that he's into it, 'cause he'll sit in front of the camera and try to be cute for them. Not that he needs to try! heh heh

Well, our 1st wedding anniversary is coming up and I need to start shopping online for Jeramy's gifts. I don't know what to get him!!! I mean I do...but I don't know which styles and such. Ok, I'm gonna go shop now. CIAO!

Update on the fam this January...

Well, let's see...it's been awhile since I've written in this thing!!!

Here is a list of NEW things Connor has done in January:

- started "rocking" while sitting down
- went to his 1st storytime at the Library...and he LOVED it!
- had his 1st cracker (well, it's called a Wagon Wheel)
- he's scooting backwards (or in circles) when he's on his tummy
- has tried the following foods: squash, carrots, peaches, Stage 2 pasta dinner, pears, and vegetable turkey dinner
- has finally rolled over from tummy to back w/o any help...took him awhile to do this 'cause of his weight
- is standing pretty well while holding on to our hands and can take baby steps around the house...he LOVES doing this
- has pulled himself on to the ottoman (using a blanket that's on it), to stand up and he holds himself up and can stand for about 5-7 mins on his own then he falls on his big bubbly butt
- is starting to pull himself up (using us or his walker)while he's sitting down...he has managed to pull himself up on me w/o any help ONCE (happened yesterday) and OMG, I almost peed my pants
- slept for 5 hrs straight (the night he had his shots)
- can put himself to sleep w/o us coaxing him back to sleep...well this has happened only a few times, but we're very excited about it

NEW THINGS that happened in December:
- discovered his private parts and likes squeezing them! LOL
- liked to play "bababa" by putting his hand to mouth (kinda like what you would do when you pretend you're an Indian)
- learned how to tug at my shirt to get my attention (SOOO ADORABLE WHEN HE DOES THIS!)
- tried using the sippy cup for the 1st time (still doesn't know how to "sip" from it, but he knows how to hold the cup and can drink from it)
- tried apple juice and berry juice for the 1st time
- learned how to play PEEK-A-BOO!

I think that's about it...He is still babbling, smiling and laughing like always. His personality is definitely shining through now. He definitely has a mix of mine and Jeramy's temperament. But I can tell that Connor has a short temper, like mine. (UH OH) But hopefully, he'll grow out of it. Oh yeah, he has learned how to throw his arms up to let us know he wants to be carried. This a good way for him to communicate but can also be quite annoying when he wants to be carried all the time. Another neat thing he's been doing is looking back at us to check for approval. He gives us the look as if to say, "Just checking if you're still there" or "Hey, is it alright for me to do this?" or just simply saying, "Yo, look at me!"

Connor is so wonderful. We are incredibly thrilled about all the things he has accomplished these past few months. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. We keep hoping that he'll discover new things every day, but at the same time we are just nervous about the fact that he'll becoming mobile very soon. We kinda like the way it is now...where we can have him sit in one place and still be there when we turn around. Pretty soon, we'll be chasing him all over the place. Honestly though, I can't wait! Connor is so much fun now, how much more then?!

Well, Jeramy and I are doing well. His new schedule is really nice 'cause he has weekends off now...atleast until April. We are trying to make plans to travel to a few places while we have the opportunity to do so. We'll be heading down to San Clemente at the end of February to get new portraits done with my family. That should be fun!

February is a pretty busy month for us! We have our 1st wedding anniversary, my birthday and Valentine's! Poor Jeramy, he has to remember 3 events this month...haha. We haven't made any plans yet for our anniversary other than eating that frozen cake that's been sitting in our freezer for the last 11 months. Can we say YUCK?! LOL

Umm, what else is new? I'm still organizing the Mommy's group here in SLO county. I'm trying to make it so that we have something to do each week and it's been going OK so far. A lot of people flake out and totally understandable (since life is unpredictable when you've got kids), but it kinda bums me out when I drive 30 mins to be there only to find out half of the people showed up. Hopefully, we'll have better turn out rates for future meetups. Oh yeah, I'm also starting to sell some stuff on Ebay and Amazon to make some extra spending cash. I've already sold a bunch of stuff this past week so I'm really excited!!! I'm offering my services to anyone who wants to sell their stuff!!! I'm charging 30% of whatever the sales price is, so if you got stuff laying around your house that you no longer use or want...LET ME KNOW!!! If you're not too far away, I'll come pick it up. You can track everything online, so you can find out if your stuff is selling and if it does, how much $$$ you're making. Sorry about "soliciting" through this, but I'm trying to make some extra money here!

Anyways, enough about that. Back to our family...we are doing awesome. Life with Connor has been challenging in many ways but the rewards definitely far supercede everything else. We kinda know what we're doing now so things are much easier than they were in the beginning. Now, it's more an issue of parenting that it is anything else. Jeramy and I have a lot of issues to deal with in the future as far as how to raise Connor (and possibly other children) but like everything else in life, we'll deal with it.

Ok, I better get some sleep. I'm starting to get a headache...

6 month appt...

Connor had his 6 month appointment today. I'm surprised he only weighs 19 lbs 4 oz. I guess his weight is finally slowing down. He's measuring at 29 inches, so he's getting pretty tall too. The doctor says he's extremely healthy and that we are doing a good job taking care of him. :)

Poor baby had his shots today though. Like always, it didn't phase him at all until the last shot (only had 2 done today). He cried for a mere 2 seconds and was over it. A few hours after he got the shots, a fever started so I just gave him some Tylenol and he's a bit better. I can tell he's gonna be groggy all night though 'cause he's not himself.